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hitting the bottom

Mellabopper

Mellabopper

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 16, 2000
Messages
3,811
Location
Boston
(this poem was written in a fit of epression... dont worry... i'll be fine in a few days... i hope? )
i know what it is
but i dont know why its happening
to me
now
my whole world is crashing down
and i begin to question
everything that i held sacred
and i realize
that i am nothing
nothing at all
i just want to lay down
and die
i just want to talk to someone
but who
i dont want to burden anyone
so i keep it all inside
i hold back the tears
and the smiles fade
and i see that the little things
that used to make me smile
now make me want to break down
its a hollow feeling
my whole sense of being
and i cant seem to forgive myself
for everything i have done
nothing matters anymore
its all too much
i cant remember anything anymore
what have i become?
and all of a sudden
i dont want to be me anymore
i've fallen
i spent too much time
tasting heaven
feeling it
loving it and living it
and now i have nothing left
scattered by the wind
that teases to take me with it
and i begin to wonder
if this life is worth it
living
if anything is worth feeling
if anything is real at all
i used to have a blind faith
and i could do anything at all
and now my wings are broken
and i push everyone away who tries to help
though i hold myself back
from asking for help
maybe the only thing i have left to hold onto
is the little amount of pride i have left
its setting in now
and the only thing that keeps me afloat
is nothing at all
its all gone
someone
please help
12.11.00
Mellabopper
------------------
~*~*~ meat is no treat for those you eat ~*~*~
animals are for petting!
"does anyone know where we are? because i think i dont have a clue"
 
I think we all have our moments of depression. I like your poem..
I don't know what else to say other then im here if you wanna talk.
hugs
A
------------------
The more you run over a dead cat the flatter it gets...
 
mels,
you know i'm also always here, but i thought i'd reply by writing something...
I used to look over a ledge
sharp and dark below.
the wind wailed,
cutting through what was
left of me.
I used to travel down that
cliff.
falling, dying, and
hoping that it would never
end.
I used to do those things.
I used to wish for better things.
I used to hope those things
never came.
But there is no ledge.
there is no cliff.
there is only
me.
 
smile.gif
susan you're too cute
smile.gif

i like the poem
later sweetie!!!
Mella
------------------
~*~*~ meat is no treat for those you eat ~*~*~
animals are for petting!
"does anyone know where we are? because i think i dont have a clue"
 
how many times have i been at that place, stood at that ledge looking down?
too many to count.
how many times have i jumped?
hit bottom.
thought i could fall no further?
it was true in a sense.
instead,
i'd just drag myself back up
a step at a time.
only to throw myself back down again.
how many times have i asked...
why?
is it worth it?
what's the fucking point of it all?
how many times have i wanted...
to hide
to curl up and die
to vanish without a trace
and yet,
things always seem to get better
at least for a time.
and sometimes it seems
like it's all a cruel joke,
and that little ray of hope
is just a tease
to lift me up that little ways...
to send me back down to the bottom.
shattered.
injured...
*************************************************
god, do i ever know the feeling mell.
and you know i'm here...
bc
------------------
bc-
**Proud to be an Official member of the Stuck-Up/8-Up Crew**
"Fuck PLUR! it's all about hardcore ass fucking!!"
We'll make great pets...
"drug suppliers, typically wearing 'Ecko' brand sweat shirts shuffle around the dance floor, chanting softly, 'want some pills? k?'" - Shu Shin Luh, The Chicago Sun-Times
 
wink.gif
right back at ya bc
mel
------------------
~*~*~ meat is no treat for those you eat ~*~*~
animals are for petting!
"does anyone know where we are? because i think i dont have a clue"
 
Hey Mell.. you're in the STL right? click on my profile and mail me if you get too epressed okay? Take care
------------------
You gonna eat that?
 
Aja - i'm in st louis during the summer and breaks from school (winter and spring breaks) and the rest of the time i'm in boston (for school)
smile.gif

Mellabopper
------------------
~*~*~ meat is no treat for those you eat ~*~*~
animals are for petting!
"does anyone know where we are? because i think i dont have a clue"
[This message has been edited by Mellabopper (edited 12 December 2000).]
 
mella
smile.gif
much love you hun!
expect one thing ,, that things will always change
smile.gif

------------------
Just takes one angel to change a life
~~~~CHERUB~~~~
Aka: Mommyhen
~I still belive in your eyes~-Gigi D'Agostino
~~~I can be your Wendy, and you can be my Peter Pan. And we can fly to Neverneverland~~~
 
see... you are living proof that strength comes from pain...
i hope you dont mind me digging this up. it helped me out tonight. (you'd be proud of me mella, i didnt cry over him once today)
goodnight.
------------------
E-girl
IM: tiggersgurl2067
*Choice, not chance, determines destiny*
"November is all I know."
 
I feel what your going through, your words hvae a way of really speaking the truth, however painful it might be. Good writing.
------------------
You gotta be a bad girl in this world to be heard...
 
e-girl, i am VERY proud of ya for not shedding tears over a guy that doesnt see how great of a person you are. ::hugs::
i just hope that that night was one of many where you wont cry over him. b/c soon another night will come where you wont cry, and then another and another - and it will be easier and easier - and then *bam* no more tears - the way it should be
smile.gif

Mella
------------------
rock on.
 
Attribute it to e-pression, coming down, sketching, withdrawals, whatever...but for me, sometimes, those times have been the only times I've actually had a moment of clarity and seen the truth about my life...
Not saying this is how it is for you however.
Love the poem.
smile.gif

~Kim.
 
(1) Awesome poem, Mella.
(2) One valuable lesson I had to learn the hard way:
It is VERY dangerous to think:
"This is the bottom - things can't possibly get any worse."
 
i've felt that way too (as anyone who's read my poems would probably know)
i'm glad you're in a better place now.
excellent poem, i hadn't read it before
thanks e-girl
smile.gif

~lil
------------------
"you will get this chance but once, don't let simple shit get you down"
therapy is expensive, poppin bubble wrap is cheap. you decide.
sn~ sparkleylily
 
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