I understand that the addict needs to choose to give up. But is there any way to get a coke / xanax user to hit rock bottom quicker ?? He is in pretty deep and has made a lot of really stupid coke head decisions - that are now going to destroy a lot of other people. If he can only wake up and see what he is doing !!!!
hit rockbottom quicker ?
- Thread starter ragtime2
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No. Nothing will make rock bottom any closer and trying to do so will only serve to infuriate him and you. Unless they come to a moment of clarity and actually act on it in that moment, you've basically got to let the situation play itself out. I'm not saying there's no hope or that they won't hit it soon, but forcing anything like that on an addict, no matter the substance, will more than likely just cause you heartbreak and cause them to get worse. I know that's not what you want to hear but years of experience have taught me these lessons the hardest ways possible. There are ways to help. Letting them know when they're ready you'll support their recovery is a huge one. Most important don't try to forcibly change an addict, since usually it goes in the total opposite direction
falsifiedhypothesi
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You can’t really. If he’s deep enough he’ll put coke above everything else.
Just be there if he needs support and make it clear that you’ll help him but not enable his addiction.
Just be there if he needs support and make it clear that you’ll help him but not enable his addiction.
If you mean the message that you'll support him if he chooses to get help our actually enters to change then just straight up tell him. As falsified said, let him know you're not going to enable, but will support positive directions if he needs or wants to go that way. Just flat out say it, don't beat aroundthe bush or anything. Direct is best
PriestTheyCalledHim
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Yes talk to him and tell him this. But keep in mind that he has to want to get cleans/sober and give up using all drugs.
BurritoJimmy
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If you can get him arrested it might help him and society in general. If he's a criminal especially.
Erikmen
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Yes. That and the fact that if he chooses the other way you could subtly let him know you may not be able to handle this double life. Coke is like a mistress.
Id work on the xanax angle. The coke is bad yes, but if hes not a rapper and still dropping bars, theres a chance hes lost memory of things, nights, lost time. This can be a powerful thing to consider. If hes losing control and having paradoxical reactions to the xanax that might be a way to get through.
Jabberwocky
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I've been in the situation he is in. I listened to no one at all even when my family and friends family pleaded with me. It's only when I started to lose friends and my family getting to the point where they gave up trying and let me do what I want. This was after two interventions. I feel it can only take the person who is going through the addiction to finally realise what he/she is doing to themselves and everyone around them to finally make an effort to stop. This was the case for me. Fortunately I was able to rebuild my relationships with friends and family and they now look out for me but things aren't the same -- _ have a runny nose and sniff a bit in front of my parents, they automatically think I'm back on coke. My friends don't invite me out to big club nights or anything anymore incase I decide to use again.
That being said you can still try to make them realise what they're doing to you, family, friends and it might turn on a light in their head. I hope he/she does realise what they're doing before it's too late.
It took me to move country (best decision I made) to get away from coke. Living in London previously it's impossible to get away from and I was holding down a well paid job. Money + coke on your door stop + addictive personality = disaster.
Good luck with everything, it's a very hard situation to be in.
That being said you can still try to make them realise what they're doing to you, family, friends and it might turn on a light in their head. I hope he/she does realise what they're doing before it's too late.
It took me to move country (best decision I made) to get away from coke. Living in London previously it's impossible to get away from and I was holding down a well paid job. Money + coke on your door stop + addictive personality = disaster.
Good luck with everything, it's a very hard situation to be in.
my issue is he has moved out - we have been married 24 years - and he is with people now who are using too - he wont even talk to me - the occasional text about money !! he wants a divorce and wants to sell our business. It is a hot mess ! How can i get to him by text to understand the magnitude of this !
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This is a Harm Reduction forum guys. I know I'm not a moderator for OD, but I feel like there's definitely a heavy emphasis on subjects that really don't have any kind of direct connection to HR philosophy. I mean, seriously, is there a thread in this sub forum discussing how to ruin someone's life faster? I just really can't support this and if it were in my hands, this would be closed in favor of more helpful topics that actually reflect our overall mission.
Of course, we've all heard that when an addict "hits rock bottom" (whatever the fuck that actually means), that is when he might rededicate himself to recovery, but to set out on a deliberate mission to make someone's life worse is putting a majorly malevolent twist on something that should be supportive and helpful. Does anyone else agree with me?!
Of course, we've all heard that when an addict "hits rock bottom" (whatever the fuck that actually means), that is when he might rededicate himself to recovery, but to set out on a deliberate mission to make someone's life worse is putting a majorly malevolent twist on something that should be supportive and helpful. Does anyone else agree with me?!
his life cant get any worse at the minute - everything he has worked for in his entire life is up in the air - he has high blood pressure and and a vein disease with hardened arteries - his wife of 24 years faces being deported - his 60 year old mother and father in law who have put every single penny of their money into a business and a visa so that we all may work and live in the USA and now they face to loose it all.
I am asking in desperation for some way to make him see what he is doing - and asking where the rock bottom lies - because right now it cannot get any worse. Right now without knowing he is ruining 3 other lives not just his own - his head is so far into cocaine and xanax that he has no concept of the devastation he is causing.
So yes I look for an answer as to what this rock bottom can possibly be - yes I want it to come quickly before it is too late - for his sake - and for the sake of the people who have devoted their lives to him - if this is wrong then close the post down - but so far everyone who has given their input has kept me going - know this - I dont want to live in a world without him - so my cry for help is not just for my husband but also for me
I am asking in desperation for some way to make him see what he is doing - and asking where the rock bottom lies - because right now it cannot get any worse. Right now without knowing he is ruining 3 other lives not just his own - his head is so far into cocaine and xanax that he has no concept of the devastation he is causing.
So yes I look for an answer as to what this rock bottom can possibly be - yes I want it to come quickly before it is too late - for his sake - and for the sake of the people who have devoted their lives to him - if this is wrong then close the post down - but so far everyone who has given their input has kept me going - know this - I dont want to live in a world without him - so my cry for help is not just for my husband but also for me
RDP89
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Shouldn't it be moved to Sober Living or something rather than closed?
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ragtime, there is no easy way out.
In my own personal case it took me living in a crack house with bullets flying over my head because of another scheming crackhead for me to come to my senses. I had previous experience as a heroin addict. There are no clear road signs. Everyone has their own personal bottom, it is not some value that is in any "data table"; it is a realization that it is "live or die". I understand your frustration but everyone must find their own path.
much love
In my own personal case it took me living in a crack house with bullets flying over my head because of another scheming crackhead for me to come to my senses. I had previous experience as a heroin addict. There are no clear road signs. Everyone has their own personal bottom, it is not some value that is in any "data table"; it is a realization that it is "live or die". I understand your frustration but everyone must find their own path.
much love
Jabberwocky
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I'm gonna move this to SL.
OD->SL
I'll respond later. This subject is close to my heart, particularly the idea that "hitting bottom" is necessary to recovery. Load of bullshit. Recovery began for me long, long before I stopped using drugs. The idea you have to hit bottom caused faaaar more harm than good in my case. It rarely works out well IME.
OD->SL
I'll respond later. This subject is close to my heart, particularly the idea that "hitting bottom" is necessary to recovery. Load of bullshit. Recovery began for me long, long before I stopped using drugs. The idea you have to hit bottom caused faaaar more harm than good in my case. It rarely works out well IME.
please respond - your insight will be appreciated - I am going crazy - I have no one to talk to - he was my whole world - I cant let my parents know - it is bad enough they think he left me and another woman is involved - I can bring this on them too
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Thank you. My thoughts exactly. Apologies for not mentioning that this could be material for sober living. I'm still in total disagreement with the alleged mission statement of this thread. I really believe that the whole "rock bottom" myth is a vestigial remnant of an utterly conservative system for dealing with addicts, implying that the right thing to do is just totally abandon them and go on with your life and hope they get better. It's a load of shit. Rock bottom in my book is dead. Rock bottom to you guys is nothing but a matter of opinion and conjecture.
Is rock bottom actually definable? No.
You cannot force anyone to do anything. It's the hallmark of families and dealing with addiction. Nothing can be done to effectively force them to stop. It just doesn't work like that. It's just like everything else in life; thousands of potential variables and actions in any given moment. Maybe kicking someone out of your house will cause them to be rededicated to their recover or it might cause them to hang themselves from a tree.
To pretend that we have the ability to "cure" and completely change someone is the naivite that comes with desperation. I mean no offense guys, but I have to speak my mind, because like Toothpastedog, I feel that the whole rock bottom myth is just that, a myth and is in fact, detrimental in many scenarios to an addict's recovery.
Jabberwocky
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Well said. And no worries for not moving it, alls well that ends well 
In the mean time, would you please give us a little more info? How long have you been using, what do you use, how do you use and how often do you use?
How has your drug use impacted your life? Loved ones? Have you ever tried to get help or stop before? If so what did you try?
Keep you head up OP. There is no reason anyone has to give up. In fact, I’d say recovery is more about tying different things until things click. So it’s more a matter of try, try and try again, picking yourself after your mistakes or hard times and keeping on keeping on.
Also, how old are you? Little known fact is that the vast majority of folks with harmful patterns of substance use begin to age out of that kind of stuff in their mid-late twenties. And in any case, a lot of people find it gets easier to avoid harmful drug use the older and more mature you get. Keep in mind you don’t pyshiologically complete developing until your late 20’s/early 30’s.
Recovery does get harder in some sense the old you are if you continue to use as if nothing were wrong, but in another sense it gets a lot easier with maturity.
In the mean time, would you please give us a little more info? How long have you been using, what do you use, how do you use and how often do you use?
How has your drug use impacted your life? Loved ones? Have you ever tried to get help or stop before? If so what did you try?
Keep you head up OP. There is no reason anyone has to give up. In fact, I’d say recovery is more about tying different things until things click. So it’s more a matter of try, try and try again, picking yourself after your mistakes or hard times and keeping on keeping on.
Also, how old are you? Little known fact is that the vast majority of folks with harmful patterns of substance use begin to age out of that kind of stuff in their mid-late twenties. And in any case, a lot of people find it gets easier to avoid harmful drug use the older and more mature you get. Keep in mind you don’t pyshiologically complete developing until your late 20’s/early 30’s.
Recovery does get harder in some sense the old you are if you continue to use as if nothing were wrong, but in another sense it gets a lot easier with maturity.
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i understand completely what you are trying to put across - however - in this case he is the aggressor - and I am the one who will hanging from the tree
i was under the impression that the forum was about support - I guess I was wrong - I will bow out thank you
i was under the impression that the forum was about support - I guess I was wrong - I will bow out thank you