history repeats itself

i have a fear of people. its not so much groups of people, or interacting with random people. i do both fine. but as soon as i feel i let someone down, or they could be mad at me, i am unable to talk to them. like to the point that i have panic attacks when i think about confronting the person.

so, yet again, i fucked up in school. in part, it was because i fell behind on an assignment, and then proceed to skip the following classes to avoid confrontation with the professor. i dug myself a similar hole back in ungrad...

anyhow, i finally spoke to my professors (a few weeks after the quarter ended) and they were all willing to work with me. at this point, i am just raising my grades from incompletes to something resembling a passing grade.

so while school resolved itself (provided i finish my work), i still need to deal with my mental health. i've been going to the gym regularly, which is helping a little (4 times last week, and exercising at home everyday!). and schoolwise, i wrote out a schedule that i am doing a fairly good job of sticking to. but i still need something and i am unsure of what.

 

a break from the mundane, get away of a weekend somewhere quiet where you can re energize if you have the opportunity.

 

^This is good advice.....

Do you see a therapist ?
Do you take any medication for anxiety?

Maybe you could try- next time you feel you are going to panic if you do something.......you do it anyway.
It is worth a try- and the more you do it, each time your anxiety will lessen.......

I needed medication b/c I would just get random anxiety attacks b/c I was in an very stressful unavoidable situation for a while- it helped, but I became reliant on them and coming off of them was no fun......So if you can make it without that is a good plan

 

^not currently. i don't have the budget for a therapist right now

 

Ah, yes.....therapy is way too expensive.
Have you tried any community health clinics?
I am currently looking for one in the northern part of your state for my husband but I am sure they have some in Seattle-
If you want me to look, I will for you.....
(not trying to be pushy, just offering to help-I will not be offended if you are uninterested)

Have you tried something like Valerian if you are uniterested in anxiety meds?

 

^i am hoping to get health insurance shortly, but thanks for the offer

 

Well- lots of luck!!

 

i am keeping my fingers crossed that one of the jobs i interviewed for will be successful