B1tO'RoughJack
Bluelighter
^ lol... see that's what happens when you rush anything anal - it hurts.
This one time.. We were having sex and I noticed my pit bull puppy sniffing at us.. She then took a few steps back and started barking furiously. We both laughed for like 10 minutes super hard. And then after we kicked her out and finished we let her (the puppy) back in the room and she went directly over to the bed and started lapping up my pile of jizz lol... I kicked her out again.
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True story that I've never told online before:
My first girlfriend and I decided to have a good old make-out session in her car, the way they do it in movies: in a dark, public park. So we drive down to this park in the middle of the night, and I swear to God there were dozens and dozens of cars parked in and among the trees and bushes, all of them unlit. We find our own spot, and get to work (with the motor running), when it seems like in no time at all a cop knocks on the window. Fortunately, we were still decent, but our fumbling response to his folksy "Just getting to know each other better?" question must've amused the hell out of him on some level.
The cop left, no doubt to harass who knows how many in flagrante delicto couples, and we're just getting back down to brass tacks when the engine dies. Finished. Kaput. Every single attempt to restart the car fails. We're stranded in a downtown park a good 40 minutes from her campus, in the middle of the night, back in the days before cell phones grew on trees, in a park surrounded by dark cars full of fucking people.
We walk to the nearest payphone (the only bright spot was that we were not far from a major thoroughfare) and try to call the only friend of hers who could possibly pick us up, but he doesn't answer. Thwarted twice, we walk across the street to an IHOP and ask the owner to use their phone book and telephone to call a towing company; we make the call, and wait. And wait. And wait. The IHOP quickly filled up with the gaudily-dressed, sweat-soaked bar and club rush crowd, and still we waited. Finally this older man pulls up--or rather runs over the curb--stumbles out of his enormous 70s-something car, not even bothering to close the door, and walks up and into the IHOP to pick up some pancakes to go. He strikes up a conversation with us while waiting, and we tell him our predicament, not really expecting anything. To our amazement he offers to drive us back to the park and give us a jump. Our eyes met, and I'm pretty sure we had a moment where we made a silent decision that we'd have a better chance of getting home with this barely-coherent Good Samaritan's help than we would waiting the whole fucking night for that chimerical towing company, so we took a leap of faith.
We got into his car and gave him the directions to the park. When we idly asked him why he hadn't closed the door, he said something along the lines of how no one would steal his piece of shit car, and some had tried. As we directed him into the darkness of the park, though, he got leery, talking about how he grew up in New York and horrible shit happened to people in Central Park after dark, and how if he'd known we were parked here he'd have never given us a lift. He took us there without incident, though, and duly jumped the car, getting the engine running again. Words cannot describe how thankful we were; he didn't even set a price, though I paid him as much I could.
The drive home was in more or less stony silence; to my knowledge we didn't speak of that incident again to each other. Even so, I remain deeply grateful to the man who helped us--indeed, it remains one of those handful of events in my life that gives me hope for the human race--and hope that if he's still out there, that he's safe and having a good time.
This one's for you, man.![]()
I remember eating out a girl for the first time; I was feeling like a total boss because I had never done it before and, by her reaction, I was doing an all right job... and then she pussy-farted in my face, totally unexpected, and it scared the ever-living piss out of me. I actually jumped and almost fell off the bed...