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Hilarious/awkward sex moments

This morning me and the lover gyal go for round 3.. We were in my friends living room, I hear him wake up and see his shadow approaching the door and give kind of a half hearted "no.. Dont" and he's like "huh?" walks in and sees my big white ass balls deep and says "oh. I see."

Me and her start busting the fuck up lol.. Such a good laugh and three bomb fucks last night/this morning.
 
lol i feel ya didnt know if it was some random or an actual gf but i was fucking around anyways.
 
pussy farts get me every time.
i was with my gf at the time a couple of years back, and we were doing it for a few hours already then we decide to switch positions, and suddenly theres a little pussyfart with every move i make... literally it was like a squeaking door, every little cm going in or out made the sound. we try to chage positions agian and the same things happens. we both literally start laughing our ass off, in the meantime trying out various stuff to make them go away. gave up after 10 minutes of trying and not succeeding... even the next day we were weary fo trying it out.... it was just that one time though...

also at one point we were making out in the car in a parking lot and completly forgot about orselves for a good few minutes... it was late but not night yet, and a couple of people come by... she gets scared and curls up on top of me (we were in the front seat...).. must ve been hilarious seeing it from outside, a huge body with my tiny head on top, laughing, hands up in the air, as she was trying to hide by jsut curling up :P in the end i think they saw us but were decent enoug to let us be.... the night did end hotly though...
 
1. This is back in high school when my boyfriend of four years now and I just started dating. I walked him out the door and trying to be super sexy and spontaenous pushed him up against the side of the house and started making out with him then proceded to give him a little goodbye bj :) when just our luck my mom opens the door i jump up and he shoves his hands in his pants, she asked us what we were doing that was making the doorbell ring so much, I said kissing and she goes "must of been one hell of a kiss!" thank god for a trusting and funny mom and for being so quick to jump to my feet.

2. We were at home on the couch (this was very recently actually) and my boyfriend, same guy, and I were watching porn on my iPhone when I get a notification from this dumb game I play, restaurant story, merely to pass the time at work, and it says "your bacon and eggs are ready collect now!" he looked at me with an are you kidding me face. It did kill the mood but we had a great laugh.
 
related to OP's sitto but not as good. I was plowing when my white fluffy dog opened the door by herself, of which she has decided to make a habit of at the exact wrong moment. No-one was home so we continued our activity, when she jumps on top of the bed and starts wagging her tail, even when it should be quite clear even to a dog that we were immersed in what we were up to at the time. I kick her off and she starts making these weird grunting noises, the ones she makes when I know she wants something. At the time I shudder to think of what the fuck she could have wanted out of us...
 
This one time.. We were having sex and I noticed my pit bull puppy sniffing at us.. She then took a few steps back and started barking furiously. We both laughed for like 10 minutes super hard. And then after we kicked her out and finished we let her (the puppy) back in the room and she went directly over to the bed and started lapping up my pile of jizz lol... I kicked her out again.

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ha same thing happened to me a while ago , my gf turned up wasted one night with her mate and a pit bull they'd found on the way home , we started getting at it, but this dog wouldnt fuck off , i let him in my room and hes ran to my gf and started humping her leg =/ i let him out the front door and hes sat there for 5-6 hours untill i get up for work =/ i took him to a dog home =]
 
Well i had this party at my house and someone had invited these 17yo girls over.. anyway long story short i went to my room to go to sleep and 3 girls were in my bed. I was kind of like ahh ok whatever, im going to sleep so if you girls got a problem get out now. None left and i hopped in bed.. and one of the girls started sucking my dick right. Like really good i might add. Her 2 friends however are awake... anyway this girl whos sucking me off has to go the toilet or whatever and while shes gone i sort of lean over and im like.. 'to be honest, id rather be fucking one of you 2 than this one' and they are all like 'naaa go for it like she doesnt go out much and blah blah blah'... next minute i find myself in the bathroom doing lines of whatever and continuing to get head and she is like lets fuck. it was kind of awkward because the bathroom wasnt really suited to sex and she makes the suggestion, while also doing said suggestion, to jump on me and wrap around me while i fuck her, but as she does it... well i didnt expect it and she slammed into the wall and banged her head really hard.

I tell her that we should just go to bed and sleep and forget it so we go to bed but after 10minutes of touching each others good bits we just start fucking.. and at first we are really quiet and stealthy because 2 of her best friends are literally a meter away, but then as i get into it i pretty much just RAGDOLL the fuck out of her right there and then right next to her 2 best mates.

It was pretty fucked up.
True story that I've never told online before:

My first girlfriend and I decided to have a good old make-out session in her car, the way they do it in movies: in a dark, public park. So we drive down to this park in the middle of the night, and I swear to God there were dozens and dozens of cars parked in and among the trees and bushes, all of them unlit. We find our own spot, and get to work (with the motor running), when it seems like in no time at all a cop knocks on the window. Fortunately, we were still decent, but our fumbling response to his folksy "Just getting to know each other better?" question must've amused the hell out of him on some level.

The cop left, no doubt to harass who knows how many in flagrante delicto couples, and we're just getting back down to brass tacks when the engine dies. Finished. Kaput. Every single attempt to restart the car fails. We're stranded in a downtown park a good 40 minutes from her campus, in the middle of the night, back in the days before cell phones grew on trees, in a park surrounded by dark cars full of fucking people.

We walk to the nearest payphone (the only bright spot was that we were not far from a major thoroughfare) and try to call the only friend of hers who could possibly pick us up, but he doesn't answer. Thwarted twice, we walk across the street to an IHOP and ask the owner to use their phone book and telephone to call a towing company; we make the call, and wait. And wait. And wait. The IHOP quickly filled up with the gaudily-dressed, sweat-soaked bar and club rush crowd, and still we waited. Finally this older man pulls up--or rather runs over the curb--stumbles out of his enormous 70s-something car, not even bothering to close the door, and walks up and into the IHOP to pick up some pancakes to go. He strikes up a conversation with us while waiting, and we tell him our predicament, not really expecting anything. To our amazement he offers to drive us back to the park and give us a jump. Our eyes met, and I'm pretty sure we had a moment where we made a silent decision that we'd have a better chance of getting home with this barely-coherent Good Samaritan's help than we would waiting the whole fucking night for that chimerical towing company, so we took a leap of faith.

We got into his car and gave him the directions to the park. When we idly asked him why he hadn't closed the door, he said something along the lines of how no one would steal his piece of shit car, and some had tried. As we directed him into the darkness of the park, though, he got leery, talking about how he grew up in New York and horrible shit happened to people in Central Park after dark, and how if he'd known we were parked here he'd have never given us a lift. He took us there without incident, though, and duly jumped the car, getting the engine running again. Words cannot describe how thankful we were; he didn't even set a price, though I paid him as much I could.

The drive home was in more or less stony silence; to my knowledge we didn't speak of that incident again to each other. Even so, I remain deeply grateful to the man who helped us--indeed, it remains one of those handful of events in my life that gives me hope for the human race--and hope that if he's still out there, that he's safe and having a good time.

This one's for you, man. :)

Sorry dude but that story sucked. I kept reading thinking something epic would happen... but na. To some it up... you were making out with your girlfriend(wow, rebel!), you left your car running cause.. well i dont know why, the battery ran flat and a stranger helped you start it.

Is that meant to be like, a rare thing? Sorry man strait up thats a really lame story which you made sound epic but was actually quite lame.
 
The moments where you're having an intimate moment with someone you love, and realize how completely goofy it is.

My first girlfriend and I were having sex in the back of my car when we both realized how violently the car was shaking back and forth. Immediately we burst out laughing, then proceeded to have even more intense sex than before.
 
I remember eating out a girl for the first time; I was feeling like a total boss because I had never done it before and, by her reaction, I was doing an all right job... and then she pussy-farted in my face, totally unexpected, and it scared the ever-living piss out of me. I actually jumped and almost fell off the bed...

I love this story... hahahaha! I have no story at the moment... but I WILL eventually edit and post. Just wanted to say 'that is hilarious', verso. F'ing hilarious.
 
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