• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: Senior Staff

Hilarious/awkward sex moments

QuasiModo

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 6, 2008
Messages
742
Location
CA
This one time.. We were having sex and I noticed my pit bull puppy sniffing at us.. She then took a few steps back and started barking furiously. We both laughed for like 10 minutes super hard. And then after we kicked her out and finished we let her (the puppy) back in the room and she went directly over to the bed and started lapping up my pile of jizz lol... I kicked her out again.

Share:)
 
Oh god. I was laughing until the last part. Ewwwwwwwwww.

Mine was probably from a long time ago. I was with my then BF and we decided to have some fun. We started getting naked in my car off on the side in the middle of nowhere. (As much as "nowhere" as you can get in a city). Well, these two cops come up and shine lights in my window and I'm not fully but almost naked. I was only about 17 at the time and had never been in trouble, so I was scared shitless. I thought I was going to jail or something. The cops give us a hard time, like cops do, and then out of the blue they let me go. I'm actually afraid to do anything like that anymore after that. lol
 
True story that I've never told online before:

My first girlfriend and I decided to have a good old make-out session in her car, the way they do it in movies: in a dark, public park. So we drive down to this park in the middle of the night, and I swear to God there were dozens and dozens of cars parked in and among the trees and bushes, all of them unlit. We find our own spot, and get to work (with the motor running), when it seems like in no time at all a cop knocks on the window. Fortunately, we were still decent, but our fumbling response to his folksy "Just getting to know each other better?" question must've amused the hell out of him on some level.

The cop left, no doubt to harass who knows how many in flagrante delicto couples, and we're just getting back down to brass tacks when the engine dies. Finished. Kaput. Every single attempt to restart the car fails. We're stranded in a downtown park a good 40 minutes from her campus, in the middle of the night, back in the days before cell phones grew on trees, in a park surrounded by dark cars full of fucking people.

We walk to the nearest payphone (the only bright spot was that we were not far from a major thoroughfare) and try to call the only friend of hers who could possibly pick us up, but he doesn't answer. Thwarted twice, we walk across the street to an IHOP and ask the owner to use their phone book and telephone to call a towing company; we make the call, and wait. And wait. And wait. The IHOP quickly filled up with the gaudily-dressed, sweat-soaked bar and club rush crowd, and still we waited. Finally this older man pulls up--or rather runs over the curb--stumbles out of his enormous 70s-something car, not even bothering to close the door, and walks up and into the IHOP to pick up some pancakes to go. He strikes up a conversation with us while waiting, and we tell him our predicament, not really expecting anything. To our amazement he offers to drive us back to the park and give us a jump. Our eyes met, and I'm pretty sure we had a moment where we made a silent decision that we'd have a better chance of getting home with this barely-coherent Good Samaritan's help than we would waiting the whole fucking night for that chimerical towing company, so we took a leap of faith.

We got into his car and gave him the directions to the park. When we idly asked him why he hadn't closed the door, he said something along the lines of how no one would steal his piece of shit car, and some had tried. As we directed him into the darkness of the park, though, he got leery, talking about how he grew up in New York and horrible shit happened to people in Central Park after dark, and how if he'd known we were parked here he'd have never given us a lift. He took us there without incident, though, and duly jumped the car, getting the engine running again. Words cannot describe how thankful we were; he didn't even set a price, though I paid him as much I could.

The drive home was in more or less stony silence; to my knowledge we didn't speak of that incident again to each other. Even so, I remain deeply grateful to the man who helped us--indeed, it remains one of those handful of events in my life that gives me hope for the human race--and hope that if he's still out there, that he's safe and having a good time.

This one's for you, man. :)
 
Um a girl cut my penis with her fingernails, I felt a slight pain but didn't really notice. We started fucking and huge amounts of fluid poured from her vagina. Well I kept fucking till done, then investigated. The whole bed was covered in blood and semen, my god but it looked like I'd committed a murder. Lucky the girl was wasted n she thought she must have had her period, only I knew the truth, my penis had bled bucketloads of blood into her vagina.
I went to the bathroom and put some tissue on the cut.
When I came back out she wanted to give me head, I said no... Ha ha ha.
 
Once I was fucking my girlfriend in the missionary position and my nose started bleeding. It hasn't bled in years. My initial reaction was 'what?! NOW I'm getting a nosebleed?' Luckily I didn't get any blood on her.

Whenever I'm having sex with a girl face to face and she starts making her cum-face I get the sudden urge to laugh. I've always been able to hold it together though. It's not that I find it particularly funny, it's just that I always get the urge to laugh when I know it'll be awful to laugh.

One time when I finished having sex with my girl we couldn't find the condom. We scoured the entire hotel for it. A week later she went to her ob-gyn - turns out I didn't put it on properly and the condom was still inside her.
 
This one time my boy was gettin it and put me in doggy style and he starts going really hard...pushes my hair over my shoulder then he stops banging and says "you got really tan".
 
Whenever I'm having sex with a girl face to face and she starts making her cum-face I get the sudden urge to laugh. I've always been able to hold it together though. It's not that I find it particularly funny, it's just that I always get the urge to laugh when I know it'll be awful to laugh.

I like you. This is good stuff.
 
I discovered that most out of the way places, parks, parking lots, etc., have cameras covering the place.

You no sooner begin

and

you are busted.

So remember that, BL kids. In the town where I live, every single park and parking lot is under surveillance 24/7.

Watch yourselves carefully.

fuck the police
 
My drunk brothers coming home from the pub to find me balls deep just finishing in his hot roommate gotta love drunken cheers lol quicky retired to her room to enjoys a long night of fun :)
 
This one time.. We were having sex and I noticed my pit bull puppy sniffing at us.. She then took a few steps back and started barking furiously. We both laughed for like 10 minutes super hard. And then after we kicked her out and finished we let her (the puppy) back in the room and she went directly over to the bed and started lapping up my pile of jizz lol... I kicked her out again.

Share:)

This happened to me like a week ago - my friend's puppy (Staffordshire terrier) ate the splooge I had thrown on the ground when we'd been fucking at the bus stop... was pretty funny that she then went onto licking her mistress's stepfather's (who isn't keen on me) feet afterwards (WIN!).

Earlier in that evening my girl was sucking my dick, and the puppy ran into the fold and got a lick in too...was funny but annoying having to stop, and tell her to sit on the bench, not come over.

Once I was fucking my ex fiance on a riverbank - we had nipped off for a shag on her mother's bday outing - and I was pounding her missionary-style and all of a sudden I hear this dude say "don't mind me!" from the corner of my eye I see him and turn my head and due to not being as confident back then, I yelped and just lay on top of her, totally red...totally killed our buzz.
 
Last edited:
Lets see, got to stoned my first time and couldn't get hard.. she was unaware it was my first time and wondered why it was taking so long, me been stoned went into this 'i can't believe this, fuck' thought loop which just took me further out of the act of sex and more into my head. Made the decision to leave the room and go swig down some whiskey, came back thinking she wouldn't know.. she could smell it on me a mile away, in the end the alcohol overcame the weed and i was able to get hard but unable to cum because now i was to numb.. after all this my roommate interrupts by knocking on the door and she says she should leave. I certainly wasn't going to let it end like that.. so i called her up the next day and everything went great for the next month.

Another time that was funny for me, this girl and i went back to a friends place.. this friend lived with 8 other people that were in bands and were often coming and going from the house at all hours; we had no room to use so we just stripped off in the lounge-room in the dark.. it was 2-3am and while shes ontop of me i see a guy standing in the hallway behind her shoulder with a 'stunned' expression on his face, she see's my eyes looking at someone, turns around and screams trying to cover herself.. the guy panics and runs away, and i lost it laughing at the entire situation...
 
So i'm sitting down and getting a blowjob right. "I'm gonna cum". She doesn't want it in her mouth so i spooge over the front of her top.. and with it being such a large load it just gloops and drips down onto her skirt. She is like "oh..". I'm like "Well what the fuck did you think was going to happen!". True story.
 
Whenever I'm having sex with a girl face to face and she starts making her cum-face I get the sudden urge to laugh. I've always been able to hold it together though. It's not that I find it particularly funny, it's just that I always get the urge to laugh when I know it'll be awful to laugh.

I do this exact same thing..except I give in to my urge and usually laugh lol. Probably cause her face looks like shes rolling absolute balls. Shes gonna roll for the first time in a few weeks and i always say mid-sex, thats what your gonna look like!!
 
I remember eating out a girl for the first time; I was feeling like a total boss because I had never done it before and, by her reaction, I was doing an all right job... and then she pussy-farted in my face, totally unexpected, and it scared the ever-living piss out of me. I actually jumped and almost fell off the bed...
 
I've got 2 good ones, both with the same girl about a year and a half ago or so.

So she was between places and was renting a room in the basement of her friend's boyrfriend's place. It was a pretty sweet deal since the guy who owned the house was often away for work on weekends so when I'd come over we'd have the place all to ourselves. She liked to have the light off when having sex which can make things tricky if one isn't careful. So one of the first times I stayed over before we had had sex we were fooling around and I was going down on her. I felt like working my way back up and giving her a kiss, of course I move too fast and it being dark I head butt her right in the ear. I have a hard head, but she started crying, of course I apologize. Suffice to say there was no sex that night.

Story number 2. Same girl, early on in our escapade once again. She has a small dog that she kept in the room with her to sleep so it wouldn't be running all over the house. So we get to fooling around and she starts going down on me, first blow job she'd given me. Now the problem is that when you have a dog that tends to sleep in the bed you get dog hair everywhere. Now evidently in my excited state and being naked I had some dog hair stuck to me which neither of us were aware of. So right after the blowjob begins I hear this horrible gagging and choking sound. Of course I'm thinking "what the hell?" Turns out she had sucked a wad of dog hair off my junk and started choking on it (I think she may have swallowed it, not sure if she actually spit it out). Of course that ended the blowjob, but there were more in the future. She would always give me head as a prelude to sex which was pretty cool on her part.

Story number three isn't quite as funny, but once again same girl. I had to be careful to quickly and carefully dispose of used condoms since her dog would want to chew on them if they were left lying around.
 
best funny

cat popped into the middle of our business, in the middle of of our business.
i begged of it, to not mangle my dangle.
____________________
best pathetic

two chicks getting it on, on my bed, looking at me, i nodded out -
they are still there, still yeah, and now laughing at me...
i nodded out again.

;)



good times bitches
 
Ok this other time a girl caught me, I was fucking her, but only balanced on one hand, and she must a been wondering where my other hand was, she looked and seen me with my arm bent around my back and two fingers up my spout.

She was funny cool though, grabbed my ass hard and pulled me into her, and jammed her fingers up into chocotown, very fuckin cool that was.
To top it off she arched up so I could reach under her, and put my fingers in her back orifice, so we were humping each other in what felt looked like a really tight hug, with fingers in each others anyses!!!

It felt good you should try it out if yous can. I only got to do that with a girl once ever though.

Well does this fit the thread, because it's kind of a hot n sexy story rather than funny, except the but where I was caught.
 
Slipped a finger into that balloon knot that is the butthole of an ex and promptly got a finger in my ass. Not impressed to say the least.
 
Top