hi y’all! New member wd question.

[Dsafdg]

Hey everyone! I’ve been lurking BL for a very long time and finally decided to make a post as I’ve found answers to my questions before, but I’ve been reading and reacting to posts from 2010 LOL.

so here’s my story- I guess I’ve been an addict as long as I can really remember. When I was 13 i started robotripping on DXM and taking dangerous amounts. I remember one time laying in my (18m, disgusting I know) boyfriend’s bed looking down on myself as if I had died? There were tears streaming down my face but I couldn’t move… that was the last time I ever tripped on DXM. So on to stealing grandpa’s k pins, I got away with this for about a year before my grandparents caught on and started hiding them from me. Then I was just a really heavy pothead, until I moved cities and no longer had connects and started smoking spice (k2) that was for about a year also.. experimented with ec2(?) a little bit, I cannot believe they sold that shit as gas stations lol.

My true struggle started about 4 years ago when working in a club as a dancer, where I started snorting percocets… the rest was history, I’m not sure at what point I began doing them every single day but I got on Suboxone and had about 6-8 months clean before getting back on the pills. I’d say I’m a disciplined addict in that I’ve only done the fent laced 30s once unknowingly then once knowingly. Now, I stick with 10s and only do 30s once a month when I know it’s a legit script… I’m prescribed subs and have been in a program for 6 months now? But I do the drug tests at home and it’s obviously very easy to cheat the system. So on days I can’t use - I either take Kratom or subs. I detoxed off subs before and it was HELL, so I use them sparingly and way less than prescribed. I finally got my 2020 tax refund and kept track of how much I was spending - $1800 in 2 weeks. I took 3 days off to quit but I found some pills around the house and took them when I was finally starting to feel better on that 3rd day? That led to a week binge and now here I am on day 2 of 1mg sub after checking my phone all day hoping my connect would hmu. I don’t want to quit getting high. Not at all, but I need to- if not solely for financial reasons.

I’ve decided to chip once a week when the only person that still sells me Oxy 10s for what they’re worth hits me up. can I use 1-2 days a week and not withdrawal the rest of the week considering I’m this far gone in addiction?

also- I obviously need to go through a withdrawal period and have requested a week off this time to do so. I don’t wanna be hooked on subs and I’m 100% against using Kratom, What will help make the wd less painful? I’ve acquired some gabapentin and pregabalin as well as a bottle of liquid loperamide. I also have maybe 20 Xanax 1mg to help me through it, I’m pretty lucky in that this last try I mainly slept through the withdrawal. Anxiety about going back to work without my mask is what makes me relapse.

I’ve also recently been prescribed adderrall for adult adhd but I never really liked stimulants and don’t really take them, if they would be helpful for wd or paws?

Idk, I’m just rambling at this point but I think there’s a lot of really knowledgeable people here with really good advice and I appreciate y’all and I’m glad to be here

 

[nznity]

Yes u can but opiates are very insidious, chipping eventually catches up on u. We all have tried using em once a week, on the weekends, on the weekends and Wednesdays, once every other day, everyday.... having pregabalin gabapentin and loperamide work wonders if u wanna quit or when ur stash runs out and u need to hold on for a while without opiates. If u wanna attempt to chip I wouldn't advise u to do them more than once a week and even once a week is too much imo. Anyway If ure gonna use never combine with benzos and check yr drugs for fent. Good luck and welcome to BL

 

[Señor Moreno]

Welcome to bluelight, Dsafdg.
I'm afraid what Nznty said is true. You will be much better no chipping at all. Easier said than done, tho. He's also right about the gabs/ pregabs. They are a must for wd.
I'm sure you have your problems and even your demons and we know first hand how well an opiate can work in the short run.
But, overtime, daily opiate abuse, and sometimes even use, tends to feed those demons and to make your unsolved problems bigger and deeper.
Also, if you felt your first sub wd as hellish, you need to carefully think that, if your chipping project go wrong, you could be facing fent, methadone and God knows what wds that will make your first wd look like a joke.
I'm sure you will find a lot of help here.

 

[jasperkent]

I’m 100% against using Kratom

Why?

I'm asking because kratom was a life-saver for me.

 

[Dsafdg]

Why?

I'm asking because kratom was a life-saver for me.

So I definitely think Kratom is useful in withdrawals for some and a lesser demon compared to h or for people addicted to stronger opioids. But if you use long term it’s just trading one opioid addiction for another.. I went through Kratom withdrawal as well and I’d prefer the withdrawal from traditional opiates over k withdrawals any day. The withdrawal from Kratom is so much longer and drawn out, it took me over 2 weeks to feel okay vs a couple days / week wd from traditional opiates.

 

[jasperkent]

So I definitely think Kratom is useful in withdrawals for some and a lesser demon compared to h or for people addicted to stronger opioids. But if you use long term it’s just trading one opioid addiction for another.. I went through Kratom withdrawal as well and I’d prefer the withdrawal from traditional opiates over k withdrawals any day. The withdrawal from Kratom is so much longer and drawn out, it took me over 2 weeks to feel okay vs a couple days / week wd from traditional opiates.

OK.

Personally, I know me and I know I'm going to depend on one substance or another. It's just my nature. So kratom is wayyyy cheaper than oxys/hydros, it's readily available, and it never contains fentanyl.

I'm good with that. To each his own.

 

[Dsafdg]

OK.

Personally, I know me and I know I'm going to depend on one substance or another. It's just my nature. So kratom is wayyyy cheaper than oxys/hydros, it's readily available, and it never contains fentanyl.

I'm good with that. To each his own.

I agree with you, and there’s nothing wrong with that. For me- Kratom was equivalent to being on percs. If I could genuinely laugh or orgasm while on Kratom, I’d probably take it for the rest of my life lol. I just want to feel again tbh & for that I know I need total abstinence which is terrifying and why I’m trying to justify chipping lol but like you, my current mindset is this is better than that and I continue to use things that are flooding my opiate receptors. I just wanna be “normal” whatever that is and wake up not needing to grab a substance to feel ok. That feeling in my chest gets me everytime.