MeagerModeration
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Feb 18, 2024
- Messages
- 3
Just took the plunge and registered. I've been using this site for years as a means of the best and non judgemental, actual first hand information on the harm reduction of different drugs.
I'm a 36 year old female from Ohio. I've dabbled in lots of different kinds of things. Hence the name, I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that moderation is something I don't always do well, lol. In fact I seem to lack it more times than not across the board (not to completely dangerous amounts, but boy do I trade today's pleasure for tomorrow's pain everytime I'm offered the choice. In fact, thinking back among past experiences among an array of different types of substances, balls to the wall is SOMEHOW the way I always tend to go, even with the best intentions. I probably consider myself an addict, altho where most people are an addict of something in particular, I'm just an addictive personality (runs on both sides of the family), esp with those substances I take a "higher" liking to of course. That sort of set the scene for the latest conundrum I'm currently in and what prompted me to register as a member. (I think it best I post the details of that in another forum)
To give a general idea of things I've tried though, and things I have an affinity for: I am an everyday smoker of weed. Smoking and sometimes edibles, RSO on occasion - that has been since high school, on and off. I'm not as physically addicted to that as maybe psychologically. I can go without, but I prefer to have it. I have some mental health diagnosis' that I've found the bud truly helps with, and that is one substance I believe actually enhances my life instead of take anything away from it. Oxycodone (and other opiods on occasion, as available) is a favorite little fella of mine. Usually once a month, I get a set amount and that works ok, bc who knows where I'd be with that if the plug were continuous. I've tried benzos, altho not my jam, under certain conditions they are very enjoyable too. Back years ago, I'd taken acid a couple times. More recently I've dabbled in mushrooms - on a micdodosing journey, and just this last NYE tripped for the first time on those. Alcohol - you know, the legal and socially accepted poison of the bunch - was too much of a habit of mine just as of ab 4 months ago - lost all sense of moderation there and took a step back to gain 100 days sobriety from it, and am just now weighing whether or not I am able to have a healthy relationship with that or need to steer clear entirely. (more times than not, the lack of moderation in anything with me stims from starting it as recreation, yet sliding into trying to use substances as unhealthy coping mechanisms to escape my own brain. That was def the case with alcohol).
I'm prescribed a low dose adderal, I take as directed and while it's a relatively newly prescribed Med for me, at its low dose, it's helped me tremendously sort of level out some of the very things about me I think made me predisposed to addiction in other areas. Stimulants are honestly prolly what I've abused the most next to the oxycodone over the years. About 6 years ago I was dabbling in cocaine. Then shortly after, Tina and I were introduced and were instantly best friends. Until we weren't. About a year - year and a half in - and I'm looking around like how did I get here, why is everything around me falling apart, and why the HELL do I keep USING, even when the bad so obviously outweighs the good at that point. You all know how that goes... she's a sneaky shit. Dropping Tina was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but I did do it successfully, finally. I had been clean from that for ab 5ish years, swearing I'd never ever ever EVER befriend her AGAIN, not so much as look in her direction or make eye contact, even temporarily bc temporarily is always how it starts out. Clean and super proud of that... until last week. I was offered it, out of no where, and thought to hell with it - maybe just MAYBE she and I can spend a weekend together every once in awhile. I'd missed the short term effects and elevation so much, just hated who I'd become further down the line. The line I couldn't seem but to walk anyway back then. I'm not typing this at my proudest moment, I'll admit. I'm really weighing some heavy ideas right now about who I wanna be and who I currently am, and whether or not I'm lying to myself ab anyone, esp me, being able to have a moderately healthy relationship with Tina. Intermittently in the last 5 years of being away from her, I have used and even abused other prescription stims - adderal, vyvance. But almost always at relatively lower doses and never long term. Just a random weekend of fun or so here and there. I've tried ambien recreationally, which can actually be pretty trippy. Other muscle relaxers, sedation type drugs. I'll also mention I'm an addict of nicotine, as I've been smoking for almost 20 years. I think that about covers my history and also explains why I've named myself so aptly. It isn't just one class of substances I seem to enjoy, and it certain isn't one type that I have allowed to have a pretty decent grip on me at one time or another. As a side note, ROA for me, if possible, will always be nasal insufflation. Even when and if it's not the most smart nor biochemically best way to take a drug or obtain a high, I'll most likely still choose it. There's something ab taking whatever it is straight to the brain, and I am one of those weird people who seem to actually kinda enjoy (love/hate) the burn of a good line of some of the worst burning drugs and the head buzz that's immediate, even if not as intense overall or long lasting as other ways to injest something.
I apologize, as I'm rambling in a fashion I wanted to avoid, haha!! Essentially just wanted to introduce myself and give a HUGE thank you to this site and those on it giving real, humanized advice that saves lives and has helped me educate myself throughout the years. What started out as a random Google search of side effects I was having when first getting into stimulants, ended up serving me a whole world of much needed education that most likely has helped save my own life at times, as I regularly accessed the site after finding it and continue to do so when I'm in need.
I'm a 36 year old female from Ohio. I've dabbled in lots of different kinds of things. Hence the name, I'm finally coming to terms with the fact that moderation is something I don't always do well, lol. In fact I seem to lack it more times than not across the board (not to completely dangerous amounts, but boy do I trade today's pleasure for tomorrow's pain everytime I'm offered the choice. In fact, thinking back among past experiences among an array of different types of substances, balls to the wall is SOMEHOW the way I always tend to go, even with the best intentions. I probably consider myself an addict, altho where most people are an addict of something in particular, I'm just an addictive personality (runs on both sides of the family), esp with those substances I take a "higher" liking to of course. That sort of set the scene for the latest conundrum I'm currently in and what prompted me to register as a member. (I think it best I post the details of that in another forum)
To give a general idea of things I've tried though, and things I have an affinity for: I am an everyday smoker of weed. Smoking and sometimes edibles, RSO on occasion - that has been since high school, on and off. I'm not as physically addicted to that as maybe psychologically. I can go without, but I prefer to have it. I have some mental health diagnosis' that I've found the bud truly helps with, and that is one substance I believe actually enhances my life instead of take anything away from it. Oxycodone (and other opiods on occasion, as available) is a favorite little fella of mine. Usually once a month, I get a set amount and that works ok, bc who knows where I'd be with that if the plug were continuous. I've tried benzos, altho not my jam, under certain conditions they are very enjoyable too. Back years ago, I'd taken acid a couple times. More recently I've dabbled in mushrooms - on a micdodosing journey, and just this last NYE tripped for the first time on those. Alcohol - you know, the legal and socially accepted poison of the bunch - was too much of a habit of mine just as of ab 4 months ago - lost all sense of moderation there and took a step back to gain 100 days sobriety from it, and am just now weighing whether or not I am able to have a healthy relationship with that or need to steer clear entirely. (more times than not, the lack of moderation in anything with me stims from starting it as recreation, yet sliding into trying to use substances as unhealthy coping mechanisms to escape my own brain. That was def the case with alcohol).
I'm prescribed a low dose adderal, I take as directed and while it's a relatively newly prescribed Med for me, at its low dose, it's helped me tremendously sort of level out some of the very things about me I think made me predisposed to addiction in other areas. Stimulants are honestly prolly what I've abused the most next to the oxycodone over the years. About 6 years ago I was dabbling in cocaine. Then shortly after, Tina and I were introduced and were instantly best friends. Until we weren't. About a year - year and a half in - and I'm looking around like how did I get here, why is everything around me falling apart, and why the HELL do I keep USING, even when the bad so obviously outweighs the good at that point. You all know how that goes... she's a sneaky shit. Dropping Tina was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but I did do it successfully, finally. I had been clean from that for ab 5ish years, swearing I'd never ever ever EVER befriend her AGAIN, not so much as look in her direction or make eye contact, even temporarily bc temporarily is always how it starts out. Clean and super proud of that... until last week. I was offered it, out of no where, and thought to hell with it - maybe just MAYBE she and I can spend a weekend together every once in awhile. I'd missed the short term effects and elevation so much, just hated who I'd become further down the line. The line I couldn't seem but to walk anyway back then. I'm not typing this at my proudest moment, I'll admit. I'm really weighing some heavy ideas right now about who I wanna be and who I currently am, and whether or not I'm lying to myself ab anyone, esp me, being able to have a moderately healthy relationship with Tina. Intermittently in the last 5 years of being away from her, I have used and even abused other prescription stims - adderal, vyvance. But almost always at relatively lower doses and never long term. Just a random weekend of fun or so here and there. I've tried ambien recreationally, which can actually be pretty trippy. Other muscle relaxers, sedation type drugs. I'll also mention I'm an addict of nicotine, as I've been smoking for almost 20 years. I think that about covers my history and also explains why I've named myself so aptly. It isn't just one class of substances I seem to enjoy, and it certain isn't one type that I have allowed to have a pretty decent grip on me at one time or another. As a side note, ROA for me, if possible, will always be nasal insufflation. Even when and if it's not the most smart nor biochemically best way to take a drug or obtain a high, I'll most likely still choose it. There's something ab taking whatever it is straight to the brain, and I am one of those weird people who seem to actually kinda enjoy (love/hate) the burn of a good line of some of the worst burning drugs and the head buzz that's immediate, even if not as intense overall or long lasting as other ways to injest something.
I apologize, as I'm rambling in a fashion I wanted to avoid, haha!! Essentially just wanted to introduce myself and give a HUGE thank you to this site and those on it giving real, humanized advice that saves lives and has helped me educate myself throughout the years. What started out as a random Google search of side effects I was having when first getting into stimulants, ended up serving me a whole world of much needed education that most likely has helped save my own life at times, as I regularly accessed the site after finding it and continue to do so when I'm in need.
