Hi people

[h8uthemost]

I used to be a dope addicted. Then switched to met since I couldn't quit heron cold turkey. So I stayed "clean"(except for the met) for 13 years.

I then got a new job, and benzos and them dank nugs were flooded in the place. So there went my sobriety. Now I've been off and running again for about four years.

Got myself a benzo dependency, which I never had before. I'd get my script of 90 in the past and eat 'em all within a week. Have a small withdrawal for a couple days and that's was it. Now I've been taking the benzos responsibly, as I'm prescribed , and I can't go a day or two without 'em it feels like I'm gonna seize out. Plus its dangerous to combine them with met or any opiate.

So still smoking the nugs and taking pills, but now I'm finding myself smoking cocaine quite often. And also drinking like a fish.

Grrr.. I did so well for so long. I know it's my fault, nobody put a gun to my head. But if I would had never gotten that job I would just might not be in this current mess...

Having an addictive personality sucks. Being a life long drug addict sucks.

Anyways that's my story.

 

[Erikmen]

Unfortunately that's part of the package. Relapsing, changing to other substances are ways how some of us deal with life in general. As we move forward our mind seems to be play games with us by sending conflicting messages so that we rationalize and end up agreeing with something at a given moment, only to regret it later.

It's a good thing that you know this is a problem and you recognize that this is a tough spot for you right now. The path to get 'clean' seems always to escape when we most need it. I definitely agree with you when you say that addictive personality sucks. But there is a way out. You can do it through baby steps and with our support as well as from groups, meetings and even by going to a recovery center.

Whatever you choose, we are right here to help you! Please check our threads about TDS, mental health, sober living. I am really grateful for Bluelight. And I hope you can start a new life today. If I did it I'm pretty sure you can do it too.

Take care!
E.