Hi...need to vent.

[OhBoyCali]

Hey everybody....

I'm a long time reader of Bluelight, but Ive never felt the need to sign up and post, until now.

Let me introduce myself. I'm 27, a vet, and a former alcoholic and cocaine addict. I was hopelessly addicted to both, until I met a woman who changed my life, and who got me to change. I haven't had a drink in 3 years, and I haven't done any blow in a long long time. Me quitting was all driven by my love and attachment for this girl, who I woulda rather died than hurt.

Well, now she's leaving, and it's fucked me up good. I've been drinking, hard. I've been blowing white, and I've done OC's and a couple other things like that. I'm typing well, but its mostly because the blow has got me pretty wired. I dont know what this whole post is getting at. I just got booted out of a bar for fighting some guy, and I admit, it was for basically no reason. He bumped me, I hit him. Shit.

I just feel defeated, and lost. I was doing so good, and I fucked up, bad. Shit.

Thanks for listening

 

[deadhead507461]

Hello to a fellow Cali resident if that's the case.

You cant get defeated over a pussy, no matter how much you loved her and how long you were together. When I was with this girl I stayed strait like you, she helped me not do drugs and all that., the love we had filled that void. Now that were done, I do drugs again.

Do not let this ONE woman drive you to the grave, "no pussy's worth my life" -Mac Dre
She was just one person, you can find a better woman. FOR SURE.

Stay Strong

 

[Jekyll and Hyde]

hello to a fellow cali resident if that's the case.

You cant get defeated over a pussy, no matter how much you loved her and how long you were together. When i was with this girl i stayed strait like you, she helped me not do drugs and all that., the love we had filled that void. Now that were done, i do drugs again.

Do not let this one woman drive you to the grave, "no pussy's worth my life" -mac dre
she was just one person, you can find a better woman. For sure.

Stay strong

+1.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Hi OhBoyCali, welcome to The Dark Side

I'm sorry to hear about your troubles man. I know it is SO easy to revert back to our old drug habits when we're upset about something, but it is so damaging and it just slows down the healing process, like makes it 1,000x slower.

Have you ever seen a counsellor for your drug and alcohol problems in the past? Or for any other issues? Would you consider going to talk to a counsellor now?? It sounds like you would benefit from just talking things through, getting stuff off your chest. Booze and coke are a one-way ticket to absolutely nowhere, and you can get through this without using.

 

[OhBoyCali]

Wow, quick replies!

You guys got good advice. It;s odd though, I KNOW that no woman is worth what Im doing, but I cant stop myself. I didnt have much going for me except her, and now she's gone and its past fixing. I fell so hard back into my old ways that I didnt even realize. It happened one day to the next. She left me, and by the end of that day I was blowing lines, drinking, starting fights, etc etc. i dont even know what happened, or how ima go back from it. It just hurts, bad, and although I had told myself it it happened Id be fine, im not.

As far as counseling goes....yeah. I did AA and all that, but wasnt down for the way they did things and pissed off. I ended up going to some counseling for drug and alcohol abuse, but quit early and ended up stopping more or less on my own, with that girls help and encouragement. I also went to see someone for help dealing with some stuff from my service, but Im more or less over that I think/hope.

Thanks for help and stuff, Bluelight seems to be one of the few places in this world where people do things to help others, with no real reason..its rare in this world.

 

[OpiYum]

I know how you feel. Dealing with loss is difficult and is always a trigger for me.

What about-- making new friends, finding a new girlfriend (some people can do that), or hell, getting a pet.

Some people would consider relapsing over a heartbreak co-dependency, but I believe that we are social creatures and if I give someone my heart and thoughts and get rejected, then I need to find other ways to express that love. I think that feeling extreme loss over a heartbreak is only human. It is an awful thing. I am sorry that you are going through this, but time heals and there is probably a better partner for you out there.

Get out there and find a new mate!!

 

[barnstable84]

I think its fair to allow yourself some time to wallow in your heartbreak to help you process what happened between you and your ex girl, but then don't forget that the only person who is going to drag you out of that depression is yourself, no one else.

The key to this is knowing when the time is right to pack up that baggage and move on and work on yourself and work towards being happy again. I don't mean to use the wallowing period as a free pass to get drunk and do blow, but don't beat yourself up if you slip during weak moments.

Once you get back on your own two feet, take the road to recovery and use that pain to fuel the fire of your own success, which will be whatever you make of it.

Good luck, I hope everything goes well xoxo

 

[totach]

hey buddy,you should read the thread i wrote the other day the one that says i reaally need help.i was only on like my 9th day clean n me n my girl wer in the middle of breaking up.so i really was saying in my head fuck lemme go get some dope. i had the perfect excuse to use but then i thought to myself u know what i rather stay clean n let this girl c me doing good n succeding in life.that would be a much bigger pay back to her for her 2 c me clean n doing good in life.dont let her bring you down theres plenty of fish in the water man but if you start fucking up again u will not catch a good fish : ) i hope u jump right back on the wagon man good luck

 

[IAmJacksUserName]

It sounds like one of the biggest reasons you went clean left your life. In addition to the heartbreak, your biggest motivations for staying clean also left, so you've got two things put together that make it really tempting to be using. That's a shitty place to be, but that girl showed you something valuable. She showed you that you CAN be clean, and now the next step is to find more reasons to stay clean. All of that, of course, is much easier said than done. But, you've already been down that track of drug abuse, and there's nothing more to learn from that except for the same old terrible lessons. I agree with the recommendations for seeing a counselor.

 

[hyroller]

Sorry to hear things didn't work out - breakups are never a pleasant experience, and it makes sense that you'd want to block the experience out (with chemicals) as much as possible, particularly being on the receiving end.

**hugs**

but it sounds as though that even though you were in a stable relationship, that you have been thus unable to address the underlying issues behind your substance abuse in the first place... sure, giving up 'for' someone is as good a reason as any, but it's still essentially a band-aid solution to a far deeper-reaching problem.

My guess would be that you suffer from feelings of worthlessness that are only pacified when you have someone else around, to make you feel loved... and now that the individual isn't there, you're right back where you started. Unfortunately jumping into a relationship with these sorts of insecurities is only ever a recipe for the disaster, because you invest what little self worth you have in making the relationship work.

my honest advice (which I'm not sure if you will heed) is to get some professional therapy and to try and work through the problems that caused you to become an addict in the beginning. a lot of this stems back to childhood and upbringing, and can be quite painful to address, so someone like a shrink can be very valuable if you're ready (or have no option) but to tackle these things head-on.

good luck!

 

[totach]

^
im sorry but i do not agree.not evreyone that does drugs has a problem.i just wanted to experiment wit drugs when i started i was a very happy 19 year old.thats y i hate na and aa and counslers cuz they keep making me think i hav problems but i dont i just liked dope but i still loved life wit out it. i just somehow one day woke up sick n for the next 5 years it all went downhill from there. neways like i said b4 i also just went thru a bad break up n im really sad.but its making me wanna stay clean even more. i dont want her to look at me as a looser if i start again i want her to c me succeed.

 

[semigenius]

Hey everybody....

I'm a long time reader of Bluelight, but Ive never felt the need to sign up and post, until now.

Let me introduce myself. I'm 27, a vet, and a former alcoholic and cocaine addict. I was hopelessly addicted to both, until I met a woman who changed my life, and who got me to change. I haven't had a drink in 3 years, and I haven't done any blow in a long long time. Me quitting was all driven by my love and attachment for this girl, who I woulda rather died than hurt.

Well, now she's leaving, and it's fucked me up good. I've been drinking, hard. I've been blowing white, and I've done OC's and a couple other things like that. I'm typing well, but its mostly because the blow has got me pretty wired. I dont know what this whole post is getting at. I just got booted out of a bar for fighting some guy, and I admit, it was for basically no reason. He bumped me, I hit him. Shit.

I just feel defeated, and lost. I was doing so good, and I fucked up, bad. Shit.

Thanks for listening

You went from a drug addict to a cleaned up vet. I don't know anyone else that could go as far as you have. That's something that you should never let anyone take away from you, even her.

I've never had a girl to lose, so I can't say that you'll get over it or that I know what it feels like. But I do know that what you're doing won't solve anything. In fact, it's going to make everything a lot worse. I hope that you're not deep enough that you can't pull yourself out.

 

[kbrad]

The most important thing is to stay clean for yourself before anyone else. If you can do that, then you can do anything. And if you've went that far without using regardless of your motivation i believe that you can do just that. Everyone has their heartbreaks. You learn some thing and take something with you from every single person you end up with, it helps you in the long run. Once you're over it you'll find your own sources of motivation and i'm sure that things are going to bounce back up for you. Perhaps put you to an even better place in life.