Hi my name is Escape and I have a drug problem.

I can't stop spending my fucking paycheck ALL on drugs week in and week out. I really need to save up money to buy a new car because my current one is POS. I always tell myself, "this week I won't buy a bundle of heroin, a gram of MXE, and an eighth of weed". But everytime pay day rolls along I immediately cash that fucker and buy a bundle of heroin. Then I either spend the rest on more dope, MXE, weed, or any drug available.

If I was smart and saved all my hard earned money then I would be able to get a decent car by now. Instead i'm still stuck with my fucking beater. And I only use heroin 4 days a week usually (though I binge the fuck). Being a borderline addict/chipper isn't easy man seriously. Also i've gotten an addiction to MXE on top of my heroin addiction. I use 200mg of MXE a day for several monts now, my tolerance is through the rough and I barely even get high off the stuff anymore but I just can't stop taking it. I guess that dopamine energy kick has me using it even after I can't get a good high any more.

Anyway when i'm not using MXE i'm using and heroin...when i'm using heroin i'm using MXE. I'm hopelessly addicted to both of these substances and I fear that things will get worse before they get better because honestly I still want to use Dope/MXE. I'm not at that point where I WANT to quit, I just know that I have to at somepoint before I hit rock bottom.

 

What do you think it will take for you to want to quit?

 

I know that feeling. Hang in there, though, you're a great guy who deserves more in his life than the hopeless merry-go-round of drugs and addiction. You gotta get sick and tired of being sick and tired! And no matter what you may think, there are tons of people who love and care about you. I know I would try to support you in any way possible if you choose to quit. Somehow, I don't think actually quitting is hard. It's that making yourself want to quit part that's hard. If you figure it out, let me know! And if I figure it out, I will sure as hell let you know, lol.

 

Honestly, I think something bad will have to happen (loss of job, arrest, ect.) before I decide to finally quit. At this point i'm not depressed my life is going pretty well for the most part and I just don't see a reason not to keep buying dope, mxe, and weed every Wednesday. The funny thing is that the reason my opiate addiction started was during a bad depressive episode after I broke up with my girlfriend. I went from using opiates once or twice a week to just saying fuck it all and binging on them any time I had money. Now that i'm passed that i'm stuck with a powerful psychological addiction to heroin (and when I don't have heroin i'm using another drug so i'm quite literally never sober). I just can't find a way to live a normal life without drugs anymore.

Also, yes quitting isn't too hard, I quit for two months awhile back and it wasn't too tough. But i'm just not ready to let that heroin high go. I really need to force myself to quit ASAP before things escalate.

 

I remember when I couldn't save the money to get my truck registered because heroin was more important. I had a good job making good money, too. Then I remember when I couldn't get the truck out of impound because it got towed after sitting with expired tags. I couldn't save the money. I had three months to scrape the money together, and it wasn't even that much... maybe two weeks pay. Instead the truck (that I owned outright) got auctioned off.

I wasn't ready to stop at that time, either.