Corkie Thatcher
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Mar 10, 2010
- Messages
- 2
I had a slightly dis-functional childhood, Dad shot himself when I was 8yo. Mom did the best she could with me and my 3 siblings although it was very hard for her. She eventually married a seemingly nice man who was just starting work as a prison guard, that is when he started to become quite irritable. I was having difficulties comprehending the changes in him and in my mom, I became resentful and misunderstood. As I got older I became more and more of an asshole, tried to get attention doing the wrong things so I got the wrong kind of attention. Heavy drinking became a regularity in the household with parents. That is when things got worse. I was shipped off to a psychiatric hospital when I was 12 or 13 because my stepfather thought I was in need of "special attention". I was out in a month and the only good thing I can remember about it is the Docs saying I was perfectly normal, that I had a high IQ... (still waiting for fruition), oh yes and when I had gotten out my acne had cleared up.
At around that time I began to notice I was getting stomach cramps, intense pain that came in waves, they seemed to crash and thrash about, after using the bathroom they would go away but not without leaving an impression. They then became more frequent but I was used to them by now, I would try and go somewhere quiet, close my eyes real tight and hold my breath intermittently until the pain went away, I would usually have to either bite down on something or clench whatever was near until it subsided. If I had to use the bathroom my avg time was 20-30 min, not fun.
I had ambitions to start a computer repair store and actually did so, with record profits the first year heh. I did very well though. I was working round the clock and taking care of my grandfather who was dying at night. After about a year of that I noticed my temper and irritability had gotten worse, I couldnt keep a friend or an employee to save my life.
About that time the pain started to become too much to bare. I started loosing more frequently I started to have heavy bleeding accompanying the pain. I would start to feel that familiar wave and have to go to the toilet, singing or humming my theme song out loud or in my head; "Here comes the blood, daa da- da da, here comes the blood, da da da, its allriight" Some song I used to hear my mother listen too when I was a kid, I obviously replaced some of the lyrics. Anyway...
Friend of mine who either felt righteous or just pity for me decided to help me get my tummy fixed. I went to an ER because of extraordinary bleeding and pain... OH Shit it like this thing knows im talking about it... here comes the, Ill be back... thought i could bl;ock it out... cant. . Wow, I think I have an alien living inside me... that would be different. So, yeah, the ER made me wait in the waiting room for 18 hours... 18 hours! In pain and bleeding like hell. Finally got in and some hot blond nurse asked me a few questions, stuck a gloved finger invasively in my bum and proclaimed "It apears you have blood in your stool." I said thanks. She gave me something that made my face flush, she said "Now you might feel a bit of a flush, this is to help with the pain." Then she administered via my IV line. There was a "flush", a big one. It was more like a rabid flush that just ripped my pain a new one, no pun intended. At first it uncomfortable but then it was bliss, utter bliss my friends. Then... they sent me home with a GI appointment that said "STAT" on it. The nurse prac said 'Take this to the front desk on your way out and let them know this needs to be done asap"
Well they concluded after I begged 2 Docs and the people at the various desks that they could see me very soon... 2 month wait. I even submitted my plea to a group of "pool Dr.s" at the GI, nobody had time apparently to see me. 2 months was way too long. I went to another GI with the referral from the ER had colonoscopy 1, Doc said I had IBS... told me to follow a perscribed diet and it would come under control, it didnt. I scheduled a upper and lower GI passthrough, 2 week wait... met someone who gave me some white pills that seemed to dull the pain, not as well as the stuff I got in ER but manageable. Got the upper/lower, they gave results to PC Doc, he said inflammatory bowel disease with clinical rectal bleeding... I told him that I had found a way to help ease the pain with these pills I was buying, loratabs. He then said he wasnt giving me any pain meds and instead reffered me to a psychiatrist and perscribed mt loperamide and celebrex which is an ssri oh and hyoscyamine. None of which helped even after 2 months, not one bit. More of a placebo type of help more than anything.
Started some stuff of which I honestly had no idea of what it was at the time, white powder in a little wax paper baggie. That stuff was helping immensely, one bag of this stuff would last me like 4-5 days just putting a little on my tongue here and there. I was happy for a while, until pain override. It was all starting again, getting worse and worse, started to IV it, helped again for a while but didnt last as long as when I was putting it in my nose or eating it, but much more effective for immediate relief. It became an issue needing because of the anticholinergic/antispasmodic type effects as well as the effect of the opiates drying out my colon and relieving anxiety as well as the calming sedating effects etc. No bleeding no pain life was good until it started to consume me. I felt I needed it even if I felt slight discomfort, maybe out of fear of what would eventually manifest from that.
Then withdrawals and I knew I was done, I started running my business more efficiently and more responsibly than ever just to support my need.
Family, friends concerned... intervention... off to rehab 30 days and 5 days of detox hell.
While in rehab with a floor full of Drs and nurses my bleeding started again with such a ferocity that it didnt stop for days, even bleeding right out the ass into pants, onto floor. They finally decided they werent equipped to handle my problem, with the promise I could continue rehab once I returned, they sent me to the dreaded 18hr wait ER room, out of rehab on a stretcher, into an ambulance, into waiting... again. Basically a repeat, Dr said your bleeding, I said yeah I know, he asked if I had come from rehab, I said yes, he said "Ok, I cant really give you anything..." All I wanted was to be fixed dammit. Went back to rehab, got shipped out again for bleeding, got 2nd colonoscopy. Doc said "ulcerative colitus. no meds for pain your an addict" .
So basically this is what I have been dealing with, added, 1 more colonoscopy and not because I like it... which I dont like a 3-6 foot camera in my already tender ass. Also 3-4 more ER visits and everybody has a different opinion from diverticulosis,ibs,ibd,colitus,gastritus... I have heard it all and have the t-shirt to prove it. I am still barely living trying to deal with this... someone help me please... i just cant go on doing this. this is killing me mentally, socially,
physically etc. somebody, anybody.
Sorry, for the long read, believe me it was just as painful to write it.
At around that time I began to notice I was getting stomach cramps, intense pain that came in waves, they seemed to crash and thrash about, after using the bathroom they would go away but not without leaving an impression. They then became more frequent but I was used to them by now, I would try and go somewhere quiet, close my eyes real tight and hold my breath intermittently until the pain went away, I would usually have to either bite down on something or clench whatever was near until it subsided. If I had to use the bathroom my avg time was 20-30 min, not fun.
I had ambitions to start a computer repair store and actually did so, with record profits the first year heh. I did very well though. I was working round the clock and taking care of my grandfather who was dying at night. After about a year of that I noticed my temper and irritability had gotten worse, I couldnt keep a friend or an employee to save my life.
About that time the pain started to become too much to bare. I started loosing more frequently I started to have heavy bleeding accompanying the pain. I would start to feel that familiar wave and have to go to the toilet, singing or humming my theme song out loud or in my head; "Here comes the blood, daa da- da da, here comes the blood, da da da, its allriight" Some song I used to hear my mother listen too when I was a kid, I obviously replaced some of the lyrics. Anyway...
Friend of mine who either felt righteous or just pity for me decided to help me get my tummy fixed. I went to an ER because of extraordinary bleeding and pain... OH Shit it like this thing knows im talking about it... here comes the, Ill be back... thought i could bl;ock it out... cant. . Wow, I think I have an alien living inside me... that would be different. So, yeah, the ER made me wait in the waiting room for 18 hours... 18 hours! In pain and bleeding like hell. Finally got in and some hot blond nurse asked me a few questions, stuck a gloved finger invasively in my bum and proclaimed "It apears you have blood in your stool." I said thanks. She gave me something that made my face flush, she said "Now you might feel a bit of a flush, this is to help with the pain." Then she administered via my IV line. There was a "flush", a big one. It was more like a rabid flush that just ripped my pain a new one, no pun intended. At first it uncomfortable but then it was bliss, utter bliss my friends. Then... they sent me home with a GI appointment that said "STAT" on it. The nurse prac said 'Take this to the front desk on your way out and let them know this needs to be done asap"
Well they concluded after I begged 2 Docs and the people at the various desks that they could see me very soon... 2 month wait. I even submitted my plea to a group of "pool Dr.s" at the GI, nobody had time apparently to see me. 2 months was way too long. I went to another GI with the referral from the ER had colonoscopy 1, Doc said I had IBS... told me to follow a perscribed diet and it would come under control, it didnt. I scheduled a upper and lower GI passthrough, 2 week wait... met someone who gave me some white pills that seemed to dull the pain, not as well as the stuff I got in ER but manageable. Got the upper/lower, they gave results to PC Doc, he said inflammatory bowel disease with clinical rectal bleeding... I told him that I had found a way to help ease the pain with these pills I was buying, loratabs. He then said he wasnt giving me any pain meds and instead reffered me to a psychiatrist and perscribed mt loperamide and celebrex which is an ssri oh and hyoscyamine. None of which helped even after 2 months, not one bit. More of a placebo type of help more than anything.
Started some stuff of which I honestly had no idea of what it was at the time, white powder in a little wax paper baggie. That stuff was helping immensely, one bag of this stuff would last me like 4-5 days just putting a little on my tongue here and there. I was happy for a while, until pain override. It was all starting again, getting worse and worse, started to IV it, helped again for a while but didnt last as long as when I was putting it in my nose or eating it, but much more effective for immediate relief. It became an issue needing because of the anticholinergic/antispasmodic type effects as well as the effect of the opiates drying out my colon and relieving anxiety as well as the calming sedating effects etc. No bleeding no pain life was good until it started to consume me. I felt I needed it even if I felt slight discomfort, maybe out of fear of what would eventually manifest from that.
Then withdrawals and I knew I was done, I started running my business more efficiently and more responsibly than ever just to support my need.
Family, friends concerned... intervention... off to rehab 30 days and 5 days of detox hell.
While in rehab with a floor full of Drs and nurses my bleeding started again with such a ferocity that it didnt stop for days, even bleeding right out the ass into pants, onto floor. They finally decided they werent equipped to handle my problem, with the promise I could continue rehab once I returned, they sent me to the dreaded 18hr wait ER room, out of rehab on a stretcher, into an ambulance, into waiting... again. Basically a repeat, Dr said your bleeding, I said yeah I know, he asked if I had come from rehab, I said yes, he said "Ok, I cant really give you anything..." All I wanted was to be fixed dammit. Went back to rehab, got shipped out again for bleeding, got 2nd colonoscopy. Doc said "ulcerative colitus. no meds for pain your an addict" .
So basically this is what I have been dealing with, added, 1 more colonoscopy and not because I like it... which I dont like a 3-6 foot camera in my already tender ass. Also 3-4 more ER visits and everybody has a different opinion from diverticulosis,ibs,ibd,colitus,gastritus... I have heard it all and have the t-shirt to prove it. I am still barely living trying to deal with this... someone help me please... i just cant go on doing this. this is killing me mentally, socially,
physically etc. somebody, anybody.
Sorry, for the long read, believe me it was just as painful to write it.
