I have never been on the streets. I never stole, except from my Dads' unlimited supply of Dilaudid and MS-Contins, and his best friends Fentanyl. Never felt good about that - repented many times (unnecessarily, since once is sufficient), and am forgiven. I have been too organized for that. Always take care of things, no matter what.
I have a rural basement apartment. I have a car. As a union member I have work usually half the year. The rest of the year I am on maximum Employment Insurance. This year has been hard, with the death of my mother in December 2011. She was my best friend. She was in Al-anon since my dad became sober a long time ago (he died 16 yrs. ago of corporate issue lung cancer). Now, humanly, I am really alone. I don't have the diversion of work, and have become too absorbed in my addictions and overcoming them. All things work together for good to those......
I became familiar with the "programming" of the "program" through listening to all the gossip as they talked about one another in my parents living room (listened surreptitiously). Have no respect for that particular religion (sorry, I mean "spiritual path", but isn't that what they all say). If you look at the "12 steps" and biblical Christianity, you will find where the 12 steps come from. Except, they are more like "catholicism" in that you must truly confess your shortcomings/sins to another person (sponsor) instead of the priest. I only do confession to God the Father, not fallible humans. No human will have that power over me, especially after hearing the "gossip of betrayal". The human heart is wicked beyond understanding, who can know it?
Both my brothers became heroin addicts independent of my knowing as I became one too. One is totally clean for years, the other is still on Methadone (as is his common-law wife).
Anyway, I want to get all-together, clean and drug-free. Appreciate input and your best wishes. I hope for Gods' blessing on all the suffering. Thanks!
