Just posted for my first time!! (even though I've been reading the site for years). Guess I finally had a "post worthy " story to share....more like I had a story I needed to share with SOMEONE, but I don't really have any "real" friends left to share a story like that with.
I guess It gets lonely living a "double life" ya know.... Ive worked so hard at "looking good" to make everyone happy that the real world I exist in now has no fuckin clue about my darkside. I live a complete double fucked up life...I'm a semester away from my bachelor's degree (thank god for online classes!), I do a shit ton of volunteering in the community (the amount of fundraising money I've pocketed is ridiculous), I'm one of the top producers at my job (even tho I can't handle working more than 3 or 4 hours a day, let alone getting there before noon!)... I'm constantly surrounded by people in social situations but yet no one really knows the REAL me ,the me that I have to hide in the shadows. Even those closest to me who do know about my "troubled past" think it's just that--the past, ugggg! I'm such a "good girl"!!
....But I'm still here, can't seem to fuckin give up the demons and truth is I don't really want to...I love it!!! No, I don't love being labeled a "junkie" and no, I don't love all the problems I caused my fuckin self when I was younger --- the legal shit, worrying my family ugggg, losing the love of my life--but I just love getting fucked up. I guess i can't live without it, or more like I guess I don't really wanna live without it....i guess it's my true love. I Guess I just wish I didn't have to hide it, I wish I still had friends that were still down, I miss my friends ....but no, they've all either grown up and cleaned up, or fuckin died.
So, alas, here I am! where I can join others like me in this fucked up world.
I guess It gets lonely living a "double life" ya know.... Ive worked so hard at "looking good" to make everyone happy that the real world I exist in now has no fuckin clue about my darkside. I live a complete double fucked up life...I'm a semester away from my bachelor's degree (thank god for online classes!), I do a shit ton of volunteering in the community (the amount of fundraising money I've pocketed is ridiculous), I'm one of the top producers at my job (even tho I can't handle working more than 3 or 4 hours a day, let alone getting there before noon!)... I'm constantly surrounded by people in social situations but yet no one really knows the REAL me ,the me that I have to hide in the shadows. Even those closest to me who do know about my "troubled past" think it's just that--the past, ugggg! I'm such a "good girl"!!
....But I'm still here, can't seem to fuckin give up the demons and truth is I don't really want to...I love it!!! No, I don't love being labeled a "junkie" and no, I don't love all the problems I caused my fuckin self when I was younger --- the legal shit, worrying my family ugggg, losing the love of my life--but I just love getting fucked up. I guess i can't live without it, or more like I guess I don't really wanna live without it....i guess it's my true love. I Guess I just wish I didn't have to hide it, I wish I still had friends that were still down, I miss my friends ....but no, they've all either grown up and cleaned up, or fuckin died.
So, alas, here I am! where I can join others like me in this fucked up world.
