SunSpot
Bluelighter
- Joined
- May 14, 2016
- Messages
- 161
Hi all, hope you guys and gals are being kind to yourself! It's been a few months now since i quit kratom, and longer still since quitting oral opium. Glad to say there are no specific cravings for opiates; i think when you've used oral only and were constipated as heck, the slow onset makes the brain less likely to associate effects with the drug.
The weirdest thing is that i almost miss the horrible months long wd, that feeling of heightened sensory perception was neat. Not sleeping for a week and the cramps not so, but still. I did not get anxiety like so many other sufferers during wd.
So my real reason for writing today is that i discovered some kratom in a random corner and just threw it away. That monkey is really of my back. But sadly during a recent trip to Thailand and China i started drinking again I'm active in sports and my health has never been better, but just casually drinking bottle after bottle of wine is not ok. It's not water! Doesn't help that i work from home. But I'm not hating myself for the slip, there's no pressure, things will work out.
I'm trying hard to feel why i quit, which was because using anything makes me a zombie, wasting my talents. But it can be just so hard to find that rush to compensate, i learned scuba in Thailand, which was awesome, but i can't do that all the time. Paragliding was satisfying but after a dangerous landing I've forbidden myself the sport. Thankfully, slowly, as I've cut away more and more substances, life is showing me there are ways to get natural thrills that exceed chemical means and that some have at least a margin of safety. I don't want to get into extreme sports but life has led me here
My problems may seem minor compared to someone with no money and a destroyed life, i get that deeply. Deeply. Which is why I'm taking my oldest child to volunteer with me in a rehab facility, if anyone has an addictive personality it's her, what with binge watching cartoons until 4am once she's figured out another way to beat the lock screen
So thank you toothpdog and everyone for listening to me this summer. I've thought with compassion of you and everyone who's ever fallen into the sticky trap of substance use. Or who is trapped by bad economics or unjust laws. I will try to make a change for the better in the world, perhaps you can do so too.
The weirdest thing is that i almost miss the horrible months long wd, that feeling of heightened sensory perception was neat. Not sleeping for a week and the cramps not so, but still. I did not get anxiety like so many other sufferers during wd.
So my real reason for writing today is that i discovered some kratom in a random corner and just threw it away. That monkey is really of my back. But sadly during a recent trip to Thailand and China i started drinking again I'm active in sports and my health has never been better, but just casually drinking bottle after bottle of wine is not ok. It's not water! Doesn't help that i work from home. But I'm not hating myself for the slip, there's no pressure, things will work out.
I'm trying hard to feel why i quit, which was because using anything makes me a zombie, wasting my talents. But it can be just so hard to find that rush to compensate, i learned scuba in Thailand, which was awesome, but i can't do that all the time. Paragliding was satisfying but after a dangerous landing I've forbidden myself the sport. Thankfully, slowly, as I've cut away more and more substances, life is showing me there are ways to get natural thrills that exceed chemical means and that some have at least a margin of safety. I don't want to get into extreme sports but life has led me here
My problems may seem minor compared to someone with no money and a destroyed life, i get that deeply. Deeply. Which is why I'm taking my oldest child to volunteer with me in a rehab facility, if anyone has an addictive personality it's her, what with binge watching cartoons until 4am once she's figured out another way to beat the lock screen
So thank you toothpdog and everyone for listening to me this summer. I've thought with compassion of you and everyone who's ever fallen into the sticky trap of substance use. Or who is trapped by bad economics or unjust laws. I will try to make a change for the better in the world, perhaps you can do so too.