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Hey

just kind of stumbled into this forum looking for help for somebody missed shot of meth
 
just say know said:
hello's and welcome to blue light!

let me share my intro if i may http://www.bluelight.org/vb/threads/747636-hello-everyone!-from-missouri
Click to expand...

You seem like a very interesting person, I was also fascinated by drugs, would watch drugs on national geographic. And I used to love thode cartoons, haven't seem the YouTube one. I think it's cool you would like to see mdma used for good to help people. I haven't tried many drugs, mdma, weed, along with my antidepressants. I used to be a pharmacy student, but only things I learned were what combo of drugs I could use to end it all, so I dropped out my first professional year. I wouldn't of been able to handle it. I do hope you success in your future profession and hopefully you get to help a lot of people. The only think that freaked me out and continues is how ppeople react to suicide patients. I don't know your case and your friends are prob worth worrying about and saving, but I'm not. The only thing that keeps me a live is the natural response and guilt that comes with ones death. It.bothers me cause if I were to die tonight, if friends and family came to visit me, wait they.can't cause I've lived here for two years and they have no idea where I live. Sorry once again for the long paragraph.
 
hey riddler; like how i feel about suicide is that it's one thing that spreads when some people do it. and it can go the same for self harm. at the same time it increases as people judge people dealing and coping with it and depression. i kinda feel if we had a system that was more focused on making such individuals feel accepted and loved i think our society would have much less suicide and self harm. but some people (like school bullies, abusive family members, et) are stupid.

anyways; did you know MDMA therapy could be a professional practice starting 2021 if all goes as MAPS expects!

also if you ever need to talk just pm me; or we can exchange contact information. be careful though; the internet can be dangerous so take your time in getting to know someone :) but i figured the more i shared the better.

if you do have depression there are many options out there for you: ranging from to traditional therapy all the way down to ayahuasca healing if you're into that sort of stuff and the dedication and commitment it takes to undergo and prepare the best you can for it's experience. but there's also people like me who take pride in talking to people suffering from depression.

i'm going to share a link by a philosopher named zefrank; he seriously helped me in my times of deep apathy, depression, and lostness. i'm sharing two links: one is "the chillout song" to help people in crisis situations and the other is "getting better"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XqWofBdhT2k
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dFgQzaaUwqQ
 
I do believe MDMA can help people, I've seen small studies where a couple dealing with cancer took it to together and they said it was beautiful, they could open up about their feelings and fears. This of course was a long time ago when it was first invented. I don't feel there is a good and bad drug, they were all made with the intention of helping people. That's why I wanted to be a pharmracist, the fact that we provide medication to improve people's lives. But that's not how it works, and not everyone gets help. I was a pharmacy tech who saw people get help for mental and physical problems all the time, while others who "look suspicious" we by law are allowed to turn away. So I dropped out. I was only in it for a semester. But I like the work you do, the selfless help and time you provide, even to strangers like me. And I hate having to wait three hours to pm someone cause I'm a green light lol. And thanks for both links.
 
@just say no, thank you so much for those videos, the song def brought tears to my eyes and I can def relate with the pain in the second one, and just looking about and everyone seemed to be forever freeing themselves of their pain and that's what I wanted to do too.
 
riddler; you're interesting to talk to. thanks for the long paragraphs; i usually relate better to those than short ones. also i'm glad the video's made an impact on you; you should watch more of his videos. i think he has hundreds at least; all of them both entertaining and emotionally inspiring. zefrank is my favorite philosopher.

and don't worry about the green lighter stage; it'll go away after your first 60 posts; no rush! just explore the website and post where you feel you need to say something; the best way to get out of the green lighter stage is to assign yourself a goal of at least 10 or more posts a day and by six days you'll be able to pm whomever you like as much as you like. if you'd like add me as a friend/contact.

also do you think you could tell us a bit about yourself? i do enjoy listening to people and their interests, drug preferences/experiences/opinions, and about their life as well. i try to set an example by sharing my intro essay to give new members ideas about how they could organize it into three sections: interests, drugs, and life. of course you could add other catagories; but it's up to the individual and their creativity. glad to have everyone new here on the website! if you haven't already you should fill out a survey: it helps keep the website up and running.

with peace and love; just say know.
 
Well I guess this is my life story. I'm 25, about to be 26. Grew up mostly in the NY/nj area, bounced around from relative to relative most of my youth, so was alone or took care of my baby cousins. The one uncle I did stay with the most was a heavy alcoholic. We would drive around while he was drunk and forget to drop me at my mom's job. Always turned into an argument and it seemed there was no place for my parents to stick me. I at least got to travel to go to the same school, where from first to ninth I was constantly made fun of. Never had the right clothes, all the girls called me ugly, and back then I knew nothing of sports. The kids would play jokes by pretending to ask me out then saying jk, or telling other girls I liked them and they would all say how disgusting. Others just said I was gay so no matter what wasn't fitting it anywhere. Eventually I learned to play sports abd the kids on my street started playing with me. I never told anyone how much I got made fun of. High school was tough. Then college came and it was my chance to make real friends and a new identity. It worked for a while but I was miserable inside. I still went to parties and did whatever was offered to me, just to.black out. Then my second year I met a girl who had a bf but I thought was cute. He cheated on her a few times then she started saying how she liked me and stuff. I thought maybe things would be different. After a while I asked her on aim why she still went out with this kid who didn't like her just fucked her. I told her I did but she said she just wanted to be free to hook up with anyone. She only hung out with me until we both transferred. There were other girls I did favors for, didn't ask for anything in return but they still talked behind by back to my roommate. So I transferred to ub to run away again and that's when I became the most depressed. No friends wanted to visit me but always wanted me to come down to them. Didn't meet any one really. Soon I stopped going to class and my senior year failed out. I was so close to pharmacy school but only after a semester I failed out. Some people say two years but w/e. Went home all my friends graduated had gfs seemed so happy, so I just pretended. They tried to hook me up with this girl but she had no interest in even wanting to know me or talk to me, and no one else liked her, even the people who hooked me up with her. I tried for a while but it was going no where so I gave up and that's the last time I was ever interested in any girl. By then I had turned to drugs, lots of loans no degree everyone expecting I would be like a doctor or something. Parents always on me on how I was a mess up look at your cousins your just a drop out, didn't even try hard enough. So I tried and still am retaking classes near Rutgers at mcc but been doing it since 2011, and I'm no where close to anything or anyone. I left them all and just ran away and now I just hide in my apartment, mostly crying at night just replaying my life over and over. I do seek some help, a therapist and I try not to self hurt but iono. some days I don't bother showering or getting out of bed, don't see the point. Nowadays I wake up, smoke play video games watch tv, if I have class sometimes I manage to go, if not my nights are anime movie nights, and it just repeats. Some may wonder how I can afford all this wit no job. Well I deal with depression and all that stuff, and my paranoia caused to to start saving, from work, gambling, what have it be. I had enough so I could live on my own if my plan worked of getting into Rutgers. I knew it was dumb but I was just so desperate for something good to happen to me, especially after redoing all those classes. But here I am, just waiting until the day I run out of options. If you want to pm feel free, I always treasure any conversation and any advice anyone has. Thank you for your time.
 
Ooo and when I say I ran away I mean I ran away from everything, Facebook, Skype, MySpace, Twitter, instragram, vine, took my name off of all social websites. Kinda was my way of saying goodbye that day....... I didn't want my page to be a memorial of people who decided that now in death they remember who I was and write all sorts of fake nice crap........ sorry i do think I have Skype it's been so long....... I did just get a lil package that makes me and will make my mood better.
 
its fine bro! let me tell you something though; real friends aren't fake. like i try to say things and mean them. why say something and then stab someone in the back?! it's pretty terrible if you ask me. but if you ever go back to those hit me up man! i'll show you how friendship is done without all the fake bullshit!
 
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