Good evening to everyone in the pacific and whatever other time of day for everyone else. Like many here, I've been a long time "lurker" and now first time poster. I joined now, for a few reasons, firstly to thank everyone here that provides ongoing support and advice for the masses that are suffering in withdrawals from addictive drugs. Also, thank you to those who come here and ask for help, and continue fighting the good fight, and keep up the progress. It's rewarding to put yourself out there and help someone, and then to later know that it wasn't in vain. The other reason I'm here, is to get help for my own addiction. I have questions, and I want to rant about it, and I want to tell people what's helping me as well. I'm on day 2 of Oxycodone withdrawals, and while it isn't very pleasant, it's not the worst one could feel. My worst so far is just the emotions, and body aches.
6 weeks ago I came into my doctor's office high as a kite on OC. At that point I was hitting up about 240mg a day, expensive as hell and draining my bank account and conscience. I told him that I was on Oxycodone again, and I wanted help to get off of it. Which is a bullshit lie. Straight up, grade-A bullshit. I didn't want to clean up and had no intentions of it, but he believed me and I was getting a prescription to taper off of oxy and happily walked off to the pharmacy to dig myself deeper in. He'd give me a week supply, each time was 10mg less than the week before, but each time, I wouldn't make them last that entire week. He asked for the bottle to be brought in each time I came back so he could see my progress. I saved the amount I should have for the last day, and filled the remaining days with pills from my dealer. All in all, worked out fairly well. Until it stopped having effect on me at all.
I started to just get sick from the OC itself, gut wrenching painful puking and hot flashes. I was sweating a lot, and getting tremors, pretty well exactly how I feel when I get into W/D anyway. So, I decided to stop it. The last 4 days of my using, I forced myself to taper, from 40mg to 30mg, to 20mg to none. Those 4 days, were the worst days of my working career that I care to remember. I don't have the liberty to miss time off work this time, and my employers aren't aware that I'm on this path again. I had no choice but to drag my sick ass through each day, and all I could hear in my head was "Tick..........Tock..........Tick......." you get the idea. Not even aware that on Friday after work, things would get a lot worse. My last 5mg dose was at about 2:30PM and I was crying inside that it was all gone by 5 PM. I never thought when I was younger, that I'd be in this position when I got older. Was anyone really though?
"When I grow up I want to abuse opiates for years!" - said no one, ever!
Anyway, later on friday night classic W/D hit hard. RLS was insane man, I've never had to move around so much and flex every muscle in my body and release it so many god damn times in one minute in my life, and I normally have RLS when I don't even use! Enter Deadmau5. While cramping up and doing gymnastics to find a spot comfortable enough to sit on, I had the idea that some high BPM music to move in tune with might help. I was kind of pleasantly surprised to find that it was a great relief, I focused on the beat and let that consume my thoughts as opposed to the pain I was in. Even still, periodically my soul would reach out and punch me in the guts to remind me that I'm NOT okay. I'm still surprised to this moment that I haven't broken down in tears yet, what with the thought roller coaster not actually sure what track it's on.
My girlfriend and I decided that we would start watching some Netflix, and settled into bed. It was nice to be in my blankets, but not nice one minute later, in one minute intervals for about 4 hours. Around 9 I started feeling nauseous, so I took some gravol and a bit later a melatonin. Surprisingly, most of my symptoms almost went away for a short while. I had a burst of energy, so I ran down my stairs and went to go and make something to eat. I took a quick few hauls on a joint with my roommate and told him about how I'm surprisingly well feeling for the time being. And then ate my words after the high kicked in. I started getting super anxious feeling, and I was hot, in October, outside, in northern BC. I started sweating, and then got cold while still feeling hot and just wanted to break the glass surrounding the walls in the room I was in. I crawled back upstairs, literally crawled, took me almost 15 minutes to get back up to my room. I want to die by this point, and I got back in my bed, amazingly tired and freaked right out. Hearts pounding out my ribcage, headaches banging in beat with my heart and I'm temperately uncomfortably. I took another melatonin, and then I drank a Bob Marley Mellow Mood drink.
Most of my friends who are using or have cleaned up from it in the past have trouble believing this part. But, my last look at the clock was 1AM, and then I blinked and it was 9 AM. At least, it felt like I blinked, and it really was light outside. I actually slept! I mean literally, I ACTUALLY fucking slept EIGHT HOURS uninterrupted. This morning, I was feeling a lot better than the previous night. Not 100%, not close to it, but much better. I haven't thrown up either, despite the nausea from the previous night, and I still haven't needed the immodium. Girlfriend and I decided we'd get out of the house for a bit, so we went down to the farmers market. It was raining pretty hard too, but it didn't deter us from going. Was difficult walking, each step was burning as if I'd been on an elliptical for hours. We grabbed a turkey, and a 5L jug of organic apple juice, from Cayford's Orchard, not sure how well known they are, but I HIGHLY recommend Cayford's Apple Juice to anyone. That stuff is amazing.
Next, we went to the next town over to visit some friends. I thought getting out and seeing company would maybe be a good thing, but I was worried, cause they have two young children that are fairly excitable. I don't enjoy children at the best of times, and this time was not much different. Although, they weren't doing anything directly to me that was bothersome, but their presence wasn't really desirable. Still though, we visited for around 4 hours and all things considered I was still feeling well. I let my friend know what I was going through and he gave me some great personal advice that really helped me want to keep going. We left their place shortly after, I got home and had a banana and some more apple juice.
I am uncertain of how I'm feeling right now though. It's been 30 hours since my last dose of OC, and honestly, I feel like my body is producing endorphins. Cravings haven't been the nicest to me throughout yesterday and today, but I am well stable all things considered. My gut is crampy, my temperature is changing, and I don't have enough energy to do most of the things I enjoy. Despite this, I am confident, optimistic, and actually happy. Not happy in the smiling outgoing, enjoying my life sense, but the aspect that I'm beating my demons is giving me a lot of strength.
This may read slightly out of order, or maybe scattered. Which is probably not surprising while W/Ding and the works, but I apologize to the individual that is agitated by this. That, and how I outline my W/D experience to almost seem simple by what I've said this far. I'm not normally a writer, and I don't often share my feelings, I like to go through things alone and I bottle it up. So if this doesn't speak to you the way that I intend it to, then I politely ask that you carry on your way. But, I want to ask you all, has anyone else experienced a withdrawal similar to what I've described above? I have not, this my third relapse over 4 years, and the easiest W/D I've been through is by far this one, but that doesn't mean it is easy nonetheless. I'm scared that this feeling good isn't going to last, maybe 30 hours isn't long enough for W/D to take full effect? Can anyone answer this for me? Taking into consideration that yes, everyone is different and they experience things different than anyone else. Is the worst yet to come do you think, or might I be lucky?
Diuqil,
thanks for everything Bluelight and friends!
6 weeks ago I came into my doctor's office high as a kite on OC. At that point I was hitting up about 240mg a day, expensive as hell and draining my bank account and conscience. I told him that I was on Oxycodone again, and I wanted help to get off of it. Which is a bullshit lie. Straight up, grade-A bullshit. I didn't want to clean up and had no intentions of it, but he believed me and I was getting a prescription to taper off of oxy and happily walked off to the pharmacy to dig myself deeper in. He'd give me a week supply, each time was 10mg less than the week before, but each time, I wouldn't make them last that entire week. He asked for the bottle to be brought in each time I came back so he could see my progress. I saved the amount I should have for the last day, and filled the remaining days with pills from my dealer. All in all, worked out fairly well. Until it stopped having effect on me at all.
I started to just get sick from the OC itself, gut wrenching painful puking and hot flashes. I was sweating a lot, and getting tremors, pretty well exactly how I feel when I get into W/D anyway. So, I decided to stop it. The last 4 days of my using, I forced myself to taper, from 40mg to 30mg, to 20mg to none. Those 4 days, were the worst days of my working career that I care to remember. I don't have the liberty to miss time off work this time, and my employers aren't aware that I'm on this path again. I had no choice but to drag my sick ass through each day, and all I could hear in my head was "Tick..........Tock..........Tick......." you get the idea. Not even aware that on Friday after work, things would get a lot worse. My last 5mg dose was at about 2:30PM and I was crying inside that it was all gone by 5 PM. I never thought when I was younger, that I'd be in this position when I got older. Was anyone really though?
"When I grow up I want to abuse opiates for years!" - said no one, ever!
Anyway, later on friday night classic W/D hit hard. RLS was insane man, I've never had to move around so much and flex every muscle in my body and release it so many god damn times in one minute in my life, and I normally have RLS when I don't even use! Enter Deadmau5. While cramping up and doing gymnastics to find a spot comfortable enough to sit on, I had the idea that some high BPM music to move in tune with might help. I was kind of pleasantly surprised to find that it was a great relief, I focused on the beat and let that consume my thoughts as opposed to the pain I was in. Even still, periodically my soul would reach out and punch me in the guts to remind me that I'm NOT okay. I'm still surprised to this moment that I haven't broken down in tears yet, what with the thought roller coaster not actually sure what track it's on.
My girlfriend and I decided that we would start watching some Netflix, and settled into bed. It was nice to be in my blankets, but not nice one minute later, in one minute intervals for about 4 hours. Around 9 I started feeling nauseous, so I took some gravol and a bit later a melatonin. Surprisingly, most of my symptoms almost went away for a short while. I had a burst of energy, so I ran down my stairs and went to go and make something to eat. I took a quick few hauls on a joint with my roommate and told him about how I'm surprisingly well feeling for the time being. And then ate my words after the high kicked in. I started getting super anxious feeling, and I was hot, in October, outside, in northern BC. I started sweating, and then got cold while still feeling hot and just wanted to break the glass surrounding the walls in the room I was in. I crawled back upstairs, literally crawled, took me almost 15 minutes to get back up to my room. I want to die by this point, and I got back in my bed, amazingly tired and freaked right out. Hearts pounding out my ribcage, headaches banging in beat with my heart and I'm temperately uncomfortably. I took another melatonin, and then I drank a Bob Marley Mellow Mood drink.
Most of my friends who are using or have cleaned up from it in the past have trouble believing this part. But, my last look at the clock was 1AM, and then I blinked and it was 9 AM. At least, it felt like I blinked, and it really was light outside. I actually slept! I mean literally, I ACTUALLY fucking slept EIGHT HOURS uninterrupted. This morning, I was feeling a lot better than the previous night. Not 100%, not close to it, but much better. I haven't thrown up either, despite the nausea from the previous night, and I still haven't needed the immodium. Girlfriend and I decided we'd get out of the house for a bit, so we went down to the farmers market. It was raining pretty hard too, but it didn't deter us from going. Was difficult walking, each step was burning as if I'd been on an elliptical for hours. We grabbed a turkey, and a 5L jug of organic apple juice, from Cayford's Orchard, not sure how well known they are, but I HIGHLY recommend Cayford's Apple Juice to anyone. That stuff is amazing.
Next, we went to the next town over to visit some friends. I thought getting out and seeing company would maybe be a good thing, but I was worried, cause they have two young children that are fairly excitable. I don't enjoy children at the best of times, and this time was not much different. Although, they weren't doing anything directly to me that was bothersome, but their presence wasn't really desirable. Still though, we visited for around 4 hours and all things considered I was still feeling well. I let my friend know what I was going through and he gave me some great personal advice that really helped me want to keep going. We left their place shortly after, I got home and had a banana and some more apple juice.
I am uncertain of how I'm feeling right now though. It's been 30 hours since my last dose of OC, and honestly, I feel like my body is producing endorphins. Cravings haven't been the nicest to me throughout yesterday and today, but I am well stable all things considered. My gut is crampy, my temperature is changing, and I don't have enough energy to do most of the things I enjoy. Despite this, I am confident, optimistic, and actually happy. Not happy in the smiling outgoing, enjoying my life sense, but the aspect that I'm beating my demons is giving me a lot of strength.
This may read slightly out of order, or maybe scattered. Which is probably not surprising while W/Ding and the works, but I apologize to the individual that is agitated by this. That, and how I outline my W/D experience to almost seem simple by what I've said this far. I'm not normally a writer, and I don't often share my feelings, I like to go through things alone and I bottle it up. So if this doesn't speak to you the way that I intend it to, then I politely ask that you carry on your way. But, I want to ask you all, has anyone else experienced a withdrawal similar to what I've described above? I have not, this my third relapse over 4 years, and the easiest W/D I've been through is by far this one, but that doesn't mean it is easy nonetheless. I'm scared that this feeling good isn't going to last, maybe 30 hours isn't long enough for W/D to take full effect? Can anyone answer this for me? Taking into consideration that yes, everyone is different and they experience things different than anyone else. Is the worst yet to come do you think, or might I be lucky?
Diuqil,
thanks for everything Bluelight and friends!
