Hey, everyone:
So..I have finally joined this forum after getting so many useful advice from all the people posting in here.
I'm a 34 y/o male, 5'2", 150 lbs., from Mexico. I am a cannabis, coke, hallucinogens, some inhalants, pills, and meth user, mostly eventually (except for pot), and have been for the last 14 years or so.
I've always been attracted to drugs. Intrigued mostly. It all started with pot when I was about 19, when I was on my 2nd University semester. Everybody was doing it and it just felt right to try it out. I had a blast that first time!. We went to see the original Matrix movie, then we went to a friend's house to play GoldenEye 64 and to see another friend DJ after. I immediately felt at home with pot and with Marijuana culture. By 4th semester I was a regular user. It was about this time too that I began experimenting with Extasis and LSD. The Psychedelic Trance scene was booming in Mexico, and it was a true experience to go to the all-night raves and dance with your friends and strangers until you could dance no more...And then dance some more. Life was sweet. It was why I had left home for college; to have fun and educate myself. And I was doing it. After a while my parents got into a nasty separation that among other things affected the family economically, and since they where paying for everything, eventually I had to drop out. I had no problem with the situation, though, because I was on Law school and by that point I had come to terms with the fact that it was just not for me. I met my first boyfriend soon after and he introduced me to coke. I sort of liked it, but only did it when I was with him. I never really got into it that much to be honest, but I still did it, what the hell, right?.
My parents situation got even worse, I could not find a job, and I started showing depression symptoms and just basically wanted to die. I started taking therapy. My psych would put me in Antipsicotics and benzodiazepines.. those sweet, sweet Benzodiazepines. I got better with threatment and decided to pick up with my life and went to live to México City, where I met one of the few friends I have, and she was very into coke. I started doing it too and this time, got really heavily into it as well for a while. I was still taking antidepressants then, and I don't really know if it even possible medically, but I think the mix of everything had started affecting my mind. I got scared, so I left Mexico City and went back home "to get clean".
I stayed away from everything, except pot, and started excercising, and man, did I got hot!...I started to get a lot of tail, fucked a lot of guys, and now I was hooked on sex as well. I had to have sex at least once a day because I would get really moody if I did not; sometimes it felt like the depression would hit again if I did not get at least a Blow Job or something for two days in a row. Eventually I fucked everyone that I was gonna fuck on my hometown and got bored, so went back to Mexico City.
It was good. Mexico City has everything you might hope for and then some, so I had a blast fucking, partying and also had a nice job too to pay for everything. I then met the love of my life. He would not do anything except for pot, and that was every now and then. He got me clean, like, for real. I would not even drink beer, still, I would miss being altered, so my boyfriend "allowed" me to do pot and alcohol, in moderation. We had a pretty nasty break up after 2 years of relationship. Horrible. He even called the police on me once. Now I don't know if your heart has ever been broken, but I'll tell you, it can be devastating. I went back to my old habits. I wanted to kill myself through vice and for my ex to be blamed for it. I would do lines and lines of coke at breakfast, and pretty quickly turned to crack as well. I also started fucking anything that moved. A hot mess. I got into hard sex, and my favorite was bareback rough sessions. As expected, I got a really nasty VD after a while, and that's when I decided to stop. It was really hard because shit was everywhere, and everyone I knew was in a way a junkie, so it took a lot of character on my behalf to just say no. I managed to get through all of the tamptation in part because I got relocated to another city for work, a much quieter city where drugs and sex are harder to come about...or so I thought.
For the first year I did nothing, except for playing Video Games, excercise, work and Pot. I did not knew anyone here, and this particular city, where I live still, was boring AF for me. Eventually got over jerking off and watching porn and started to get horny for some actual sex. As we all know, Satan does not sleep, so the first time I went out to see what I could bring back home, I met this handsome guy in his mid 40's, with a nice job and a perverted taste in sex, kinda like mine. We went to a hotel and he introduced me to Meth. Remember those "Meth not even once" PSA's? That was my reference for it up until that point, and I was one of those "well, at least I don't do crystal" kind of guys, but I remember that day being being so horny, so into the guy, and so damn drunk that I just went for it and Oh My God! I never experienced sex like that in my life. We fucked from 2:00am until 10:00 in the morning, non-stop! Awesome! But when everything was done, I felt really trashy, and the post-smoking symptoms where HELL! The dry mouth, the lack of sleep, repulsion of food, the swollen gums...I swore never to do it again. The following weekend this same guy invited me to this party at his house. Meth was a-plenty and everybody was into it, so I went for it, again!. It was great, too. I got some contacts off from that party and started networking with the tweekers. Eventually I became a tweeker myself, smoking and fucking carelessly every other weekend and just not giving a fuck. I would only do it when I had sex, though, but it was always an event. Half a gram per night, once or twice a month. Believe it or not, I always managed to pull myself together and lead a "Normal" life at work and around my friends and family. My use apparently mimetizes with my normal self, assuming I have such a personality...
That was around the end of 2014. On the summer of 2015, through networking, I met this dude who also tweeks, but he also slams. Now, using IV drugs was something that was absolutely out of my book. Just No. No way, No how, but did not mind if others did it. We fucked the day we met and we had great chemistry (no pun intended), so we continued to see each other, however, no matter how high I would get, I would never match his level of pleasure and enjoyment. He would just melt into his hedonistic self!. So awesome. About the 4th time we saw each other, I decided that I wanted to try it out. There are no words to describe what I felt that day. The best way to remotely compare it to something would be walking on clouds. I know it sounds cliché, but yeah, that must be what walking on clouds must feel like. And the sex! OMG, the sex!!!... Needless to say, inyecting meth is now part of my sexual practices since. I have been to the hospital twice in the last year because of my new habit. I try to stay away from it as much as I can, and sometimes it works, I don't touch the stuff in a couple of months, but then my subconscious betrays me and there I go again, to re-do all the damage that I felt had healed.
Lately I have been experiencing different issues with my body that make it evident that I need to stop now or suffer the consequences, but God, I have so many questions. Tried to go to Doctor, but in Mexico there is no rehabilitation culture, and meth use is relatively unknown down here from a medical stand point, let alone inyecting it. I cannot talk to the people whom I know that have the habit because I know they don't care, besides, I don't have that kind of relationship with them, and feel very ashamed about this whole thing to talk to the people whom I consider close to me, so I am turning to the best next thing: The Internet. I just wanna know if I am going to be OK or if I should start truly worrying and preparing. I am not scared because I have an understanding that I brought this upon myself, but still, now what?...Hope to find some real answers arround here from people whom have or are going through what I am going through, and also help whomever requires it. If it is in my hands to do something about it, I will do it.
Feel free to contact and ask me whatever you need to know. I appreciate you for making it all the way down here with my introduction.
Thanks.
So..I have finally joined this forum after getting so many useful advice from all the people posting in here.
I'm a 34 y/o male, 5'2", 150 lbs., from Mexico. I am a cannabis, coke, hallucinogens, some inhalants, pills, and meth user, mostly eventually (except for pot), and have been for the last 14 years or so.
I've always been attracted to drugs. Intrigued mostly. It all started with pot when I was about 19, when I was on my 2nd University semester. Everybody was doing it and it just felt right to try it out. I had a blast that first time!. We went to see the original Matrix movie, then we went to a friend's house to play GoldenEye 64 and to see another friend DJ after. I immediately felt at home with pot and with Marijuana culture. By 4th semester I was a regular user. It was about this time too that I began experimenting with Extasis and LSD. The Psychedelic Trance scene was booming in Mexico, and it was a true experience to go to the all-night raves and dance with your friends and strangers until you could dance no more...And then dance some more. Life was sweet. It was why I had left home for college; to have fun and educate myself. And I was doing it. After a while my parents got into a nasty separation that among other things affected the family economically, and since they where paying for everything, eventually I had to drop out. I had no problem with the situation, though, because I was on Law school and by that point I had come to terms with the fact that it was just not for me. I met my first boyfriend soon after and he introduced me to coke. I sort of liked it, but only did it when I was with him. I never really got into it that much to be honest, but I still did it, what the hell, right?.
My parents situation got even worse, I could not find a job, and I started showing depression symptoms and just basically wanted to die. I started taking therapy. My psych would put me in Antipsicotics and benzodiazepines.. those sweet, sweet Benzodiazepines. I got better with threatment and decided to pick up with my life and went to live to México City, where I met one of the few friends I have, and she was very into coke. I started doing it too and this time, got really heavily into it as well for a while. I was still taking antidepressants then, and I don't really know if it even possible medically, but I think the mix of everything had started affecting my mind. I got scared, so I left Mexico City and went back home "to get clean".
I stayed away from everything, except pot, and started excercising, and man, did I got hot!...I started to get a lot of tail, fucked a lot of guys, and now I was hooked on sex as well. I had to have sex at least once a day because I would get really moody if I did not; sometimes it felt like the depression would hit again if I did not get at least a Blow Job or something for two days in a row. Eventually I fucked everyone that I was gonna fuck on my hometown and got bored, so went back to Mexico City.
It was good. Mexico City has everything you might hope for and then some, so I had a blast fucking, partying and also had a nice job too to pay for everything. I then met the love of my life. He would not do anything except for pot, and that was every now and then. He got me clean, like, for real. I would not even drink beer, still, I would miss being altered, so my boyfriend "allowed" me to do pot and alcohol, in moderation. We had a pretty nasty break up after 2 years of relationship. Horrible. He even called the police on me once. Now I don't know if your heart has ever been broken, but I'll tell you, it can be devastating. I went back to my old habits. I wanted to kill myself through vice and for my ex to be blamed for it. I would do lines and lines of coke at breakfast, and pretty quickly turned to crack as well. I also started fucking anything that moved. A hot mess. I got into hard sex, and my favorite was bareback rough sessions. As expected, I got a really nasty VD after a while, and that's when I decided to stop. It was really hard because shit was everywhere, and everyone I knew was in a way a junkie, so it took a lot of character on my behalf to just say no. I managed to get through all of the tamptation in part because I got relocated to another city for work, a much quieter city where drugs and sex are harder to come about...or so I thought.
For the first year I did nothing, except for playing Video Games, excercise, work and Pot. I did not knew anyone here, and this particular city, where I live still, was boring AF for me. Eventually got over jerking off and watching porn and started to get horny for some actual sex. As we all know, Satan does not sleep, so the first time I went out to see what I could bring back home, I met this handsome guy in his mid 40's, with a nice job and a perverted taste in sex, kinda like mine. We went to a hotel and he introduced me to Meth. Remember those "Meth not even once" PSA's? That was my reference for it up until that point, and I was one of those "well, at least I don't do crystal" kind of guys, but I remember that day being being so horny, so into the guy, and so damn drunk that I just went for it and Oh My God! I never experienced sex like that in my life. We fucked from 2:00am until 10:00 in the morning, non-stop! Awesome! But when everything was done, I felt really trashy, and the post-smoking symptoms where HELL! The dry mouth, the lack of sleep, repulsion of food, the swollen gums...I swore never to do it again. The following weekend this same guy invited me to this party at his house. Meth was a-plenty and everybody was into it, so I went for it, again!. It was great, too. I got some contacts off from that party and started networking with the tweekers. Eventually I became a tweeker myself, smoking and fucking carelessly every other weekend and just not giving a fuck. I would only do it when I had sex, though, but it was always an event. Half a gram per night, once or twice a month. Believe it or not, I always managed to pull myself together and lead a "Normal" life at work and around my friends and family. My use apparently mimetizes with my normal self, assuming I have such a personality...
That was around the end of 2014. On the summer of 2015, through networking, I met this dude who also tweeks, but he also slams. Now, using IV drugs was something that was absolutely out of my book. Just No. No way, No how, but did not mind if others did it. We fucked the day we met and we had great chemistry (no pun intended), so we continued to see each other, however, no matter how high I would get, I would never match his level of pleasure and enjoyment. He would just melt into his hedonistic self!. So awesome. About the 4th time we saw each other, I decided that I wanted to try it out. There are no words to describe what I felt that day. The best way to remotely compare it to something would be walking on clouds. I know it sounds cliché, but yeah, that must be what walking on clouds must feel like. And the sex! OMG, the sex!!!... Needless to say, inyecting meth is now part of my sexual practices since. I have been to the hospital twice in the last year because of my new habit. I try to stay away from it as much as I can, and sometimes it works, I don't touch the stuff in a couple of months, but then my subconscious betrays me and there I go again, to re-do all the damage that I felt had healed.
Lately I have been experiencing different issues with my body that make it evident that I need to stop now or suffer the consequences, but God, I have so many questions. Tried to go to Doctor, but in Mexico there is no rehabilitation culture, and meth use is relatively unknown down here from a medical stand point, let alone inyecting it. I cannot talk to the people whom I know that have the habit because I know they don't care, besides, I don't have that kind of relationship with them, and feel very ashamed about this whole thing to talk to the people whom I consider close to me, so I am turning to the best next thing: The Internet. I just wanna know if I am going to be OK or if I should start truly worrying and preparing. I am not scared because I have an understanding that I brought this upon myself, but still, now what?...Hope to find some real answers arround here from people whom have or are going through what I am going through, and also help whomever requires it. If it is in my hands to do something about it, I will do it.
Feel free to contact and ask me whatever you need to know. I appreciate you for making it all the way down here with my introduction.
Thanks.
