Recovery Hey everyone- just an update as I know I disappeared for a bit

[Juicewrldfan]

Hey,

I just wanted to let you all know I’m doing well. I didn’t realize there would be so much concern with me not showing up here. Apologize for that.

So the update, my life is completely back on track. I mean completely. I did go to treatment but left after a week because they weren’t upfront with me about the veterans program being discontinued. And well I don’t anger to get high and new I’d have a script of amphetamines to leave with to be honest. It was both things.

That said once the script was gone I dived into AA and my higher power. I committed myself completely to recovery. I know it’s only been since last Saturday that I haven’t used but before I couldn’t get 5 days clean near the end of it. I got a sponsor right away and I take his suggestions. I go to a meeting every day. EVERY day.

I call my sponsor every day. He has 20 years and was as bad as me but with alcohol primarily. I quit drinking and changed to drugs because bad things happen when I drink always. Either violent things or suicidal things so it’s crazy that my drinking became more harmful than hard drugs —well until lately.

I take my bipolar meds reluctantly but I take them. Im not certain I need them but my therapist insists. Very much so insists to the point that she wil hospitalize me if I don’t I guess so I take them.

I try to be a better husband each day and each day I become more the man she has known and loved though i feel bad about it im not 100 percent certain i want spend my life with her. She has stood by me and although cruel at times and very spiteful/hateful I have to remember she has mental illness too and I put her under a lot of stress with her extreme worry about me and financial stresd. So maybe I give her time to heal too and see where it goes.

I never abused her EVER. But I have neglected her by hiding using drugs and financial stress. At the end of the day I love and cherish her.

I also took my sponsor suggestion and on my birthday last Thursday called my old job at google and explained why I left last year and that I am in AA now actively, work with a sponsor and am sober and that I’d be grateful for another (3rd) chance with them. They surprisingly decided to offer me my old leadership position back. It was such a great gift from my higher power.

I’ve usually always lied to get a job and I actually just was honest and they rehired me a 3rd time. It’s at google so yeah the pay and benefits are great. Though I’ll be on probation with them for 90 days i believe if I keep
Doing the next right thing and stay doing what I’m doing to stay sober I’ll succeed without a doubt and I suppose stay in my bipolar meds.

I want to thank everyone for your thoughts and care as I didn’t realize I’d be missed. Thank you for that. I just read some comments today that touched my heart. It’s my first day back on blue light but not sure how active I’ll be as I’m sober these days

There is one risk coming up and that is my stimulant meds from the dirty doctor come up for renewal in 3 weeks. That’s always my downfall. I’m confident that if I keep doing what I’m doing I won’t go to the appointment/make a new appointment.

It’s just hard when I know all I have to do is show up and they will write me any amp I want aside from desoxyn. But I suppose I just treat it like it’s going to a drug dealer. It’s really no different. It’s the “legal” part and I can get my wife to agree with it most the time so that’s the only difference but the use is the same and consequences the same. I know that if I keep doing what I’m doing I have a chance at defeating this risk when it comes.

So I will keep going to meetings every day for the next 81 days and then back off to 5-6 a week. I will keep calling my Shamir daily and taking my bipolar meds though I hate them.

Thanks again everyone for the love and care/concern. I had thought I left a post about going to inpatient but maybe I didn’t.

@Keif' Richards @Skorpio @Electrum1
@lecroute @chippermonk
@kiely

Just a few ppl that come to mind that may want to know and helped me along the way. Some others but it would t let me tag you so if your name is t there I’m sorry just won’t let me tag you. I did not forget you.

 

[chippermonk]

Happy belated birthday! Good luck! That's great, indeed, but don't be complacent. You know where your downfalls have come before and the sleazy doctor is a big one, no way around it

 

[ageingpartyfiend]

This is all great to read, seriously

Also seriously - don't get complacent for a second. You are talking of being "completely back on track" - that's one hell of a word after 8 days sober. A great 8 days don't get me wrong - but just the 8 days nonetheless. A short amount of time and as far as stimulant addiction recovery goes you're merely metres into a marathon my friend.

I've mentioneed this before but you need to put it, clearly, in writing to the 'dirty doctor' that you do not want them to ever prescibe stimulant medication to you ever again. And you also need some kind of proof from them that they have read and understood this.

 

[awkward__silence]

do not fuck with desoxyn, get that out of your mind, that's your addict brain looking for a short cut. very nice job, you obviously do very well when you are mindful and thoughtful, but this journey will never end so strap up stay honest with your supports and remember this feeling, of accomplishment, and build upon it. peace, dude

 

[endlessnameless]

Hey,

I just wanted to let you all know I’m doing well. I didn’t realize there would be so much concern with me not showing up here. Apologize for that.

So the update, my life is completely back on track. I mean completely. I did go to treatment but left after a week because they weren’t upfront with me about the veterans program being discontinued. And well I don’t anger to get high and new I’d have a script of amphetamines to leave with to be honest. It was both things.

That said once the script was gone I dived into AA and my higher power. I committed myself completely to recovery. I know it’s only been since last Saturday that I haven’t used but before I couldn’t get 5 days clean near the end of it. I got a sponsor right away and I take his suggestions. I go to a meeting every day. EVERY day.

I call my sponsor every day. He has 20 years and was as bad as me but with alcohol primarily. I quit drinking and changed to drugs because bad things happen when I drink always. Either violent things or suicidal things so it’s crazy that my drinking became more harmful than hard drugs —well until lately.

I take my bipolar meds reluctantly but I take them. Im not certain I need them but my therapist insists. Very much so insists to the point that she wil hospitalize me if I don’t I guess so I take them.

I try to be a better husband each day and each day I become more the man she has known and loved though i feel bad about it im not 100 percent certain i want spend my life with her. She has stood by me and although cruel at times and very spiteful/hateful I have to remember she has mental illness too and I put her under a lot of stress with her extreme worry about me and financial stresd. So maybe I give her time to heal too and see where it goes.

I never abused her EVER. But I have neglected her by hiding using drugs and financial stress. At the end of the day I love and cherish her.

I also took my sponsor suggestion and on my birthday last Thursday called my old job at google and explained why I left last year and that I am in AA now actively, work with a sponsor and am sober and that I’d be grateful for another (3rd) chance with them. They surprisingly decided to offer me my old leadership position back. It was such a great gift from my higher power.

I’ve usually always lied to get a job and I actually just was honest and they rehired me a 3rd time. It’s at google so yeah the pay and benefits are great. Though I’ll be on probation with them for 90 days i believe if I keep
Doing the next right thing and stay doing what I’m doing to stay sober I’ll succeed without a doubt and I suppose stay in my bipolar meds.

I want to thank everyone for your thoughts and care as I didn’t realize I’d be missed. Thank you for that. I just read some comments today that touched my heart. It’s my first day back on blue light but not sure how active I’ll be as I’m sober these days

There is one risk coming up and that is my stimulant meds from the dirty doctor come up for renewal in 3 weeks. That’s always my downfall. I’m confident that if I keep doing what I’m doing I won’t go to the appointment/make a new appointment.

It’s just hard when I know all I have to do is show up and they will write me any amp I want aside from desoxyn. But I suppose I just treat it like it’s going to a drug dealer. It’s really no different. It’s the “legal” part and I can get my wife to agree with it most the time so that’s the only difference but the use is the same and consequences the same. I know that if I keep doing what I’m doing I have a chance at defeating this risk when it comes.

So I will keep going to meetings every day for the next 81 days and then back off to 5-6 a week. I will keep calling my Shamir daily and taking my bipolar meds though I hate them.

Thanks again everyone for the love and care/concern. I had thought I left a post about going to inpatient but maybe I didn’t.

@Keif' Richards @Skorpio @Electrum1
@lecroute @chippermonk
@kiely

Just a few ppl that come to mind that may want to know and helped me along the way. Some others but it would t let me tag you so if your name is t there I’m sorry just won’t let me tag you. I did not forget you.

I had been following your posts a month or so back and I'm very happy to hear you're on the right track. I second what @ageingpartyfiend had to say - please heed their advice.

Congratulations on getting the old Job back at Google (and a belated Happy Birthday also). I must say I admire your motivation. I'm here with 17 days off Heroin after a lapse and there's no way I'd have the physical strength nor mental clarity to take on any ilk of a workwise role nor be able to step into an office environment. I realise Google isn't your typical office environment however, I visited their HQ here in Dublin a few years back and was amazed at how progressive they seem. They had a Gym, a buffet, no dress code (and that's just what I casually observed). Now THAT I could get out of bed for.

Whats your role at Google out of curiosity?