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Hey all

Kyles

Kyles

Greenlighter
Joined
Jun 25, 2011
Messages
22
Location
Land Downunder
Hey all, im Kyles & while im not usually one to advertise or talk about my personal issues after reading a couple of threads I think it's time for me to open up & find the strength to finally quit this shit for good...

I think im what you'd class as a "multi tasking functioning drug addict" I currently work 10 hour days in a national senior management role & am the self inflicted owner of a raging daily IV injecting speed / meth habit & pot smoker who has somehow miraculously been able to sucessfully dodge the suspisions of work mates for the last 9 years & the work appointed drug tester for approx 18 months now....

I have been extremely lucky so far but know that Im bound to get busted any day now....

Other then the drugs the only thing I have in my life is work. I really wan't to resign from work but can't atm as if I resign now I won't get paid my long service leave & I desperatly need that $ to be able to go to rehab... which means Im stuck on this drug / work merry-go-round till I either get busted, lose everything & can't go to rehab or keep trying to dodge the tester for another 18 months, get my $ resign with my head up & go to rehab....

Not sure what I did in my last life but as I have pretty much been absolutely smashed with the "fuck me over constantly" stick during this lifetime I know i am bound to get busted real soon..

What do you think?
 
Your story is just like mine. I only work to stay high(and have shelter and bread/shower)...nothing else motivates me about working. Buying new clothes is fun..so I can look like the guys from the Gap commercials =D

I think you have come to the right place my friend.
Welcome to Bluelight!! :)
 
A million welcomes! I've been struggling myself for quite some time with my addiction. I finally did a naltrexone detox and felt wonderful on the fourth day (can't say as much for the first three) but it was worth it. Have you tried N.A. or the like? Best of luck to you my friend! :)
 
Have you tried N.A. or the like? [/QUOTE]

Thanks for the replies much appreciated... NA's not my type of thing as i keep to myself & feel NA is just a place to meet other like minded people to get on with..... Im way past the point of counselling i know i need to stop but i need a reason to stop... ATM i have no reason yet i do wish i could learn how to enjoy life
 
I'll chime in on amphetamine addiction. It's great stuff, really. Maybe from there other people can go in and put in their two cents, but here goes...

It's sinister shit, to be perfectly honest. It's not like heroin, benzos, or alcohol. See, you can catch those a lot easier, you can even be a normal human being an function on them a lot easier due to the adverse affects being kept easily in check. After all, most people know they can't go jammed out on dope to see their family. Most people know they can't go into work shit faced on booze. Does it happen? Sure, but most know it'll lead to decreased work performance or their family will see something is up.

Amphetamines, though, are a complete different game. See, you're never really "fucked up" in the traditional sense. Sure, you get a feeling of extreme well being, but you aren't inhibited. I consider it being "more sober than sober". Not only that, but you're smarter, stronger, and more clever than you ever could be. You're you, except better. The sun shines, but a little more brightly. Breeze against your face feels a bit better. Everything has that little extra sparkle. Best of all? Besides people that know what to look for; nobody will really notice that you're amped up. It's the perfect do anywhere type of drug.

The long durations make it something you can be high on all the time. It's easy too. You administer the drug you're easily set for hours. You aren't running into the bathroom every 20 minutes for a line or any silly shit like that. You begin to justify to yourself that this "wonder drug" should be taken whenever possible. Why go to baseline? I mean, you're an inferior person then. You have to eat, sleep, and you're not nearly as capable.

Now, all this time you think you're doing great, but all the while things are slowly starting to crumble. You divert just a bit more money, because you notice you need a bit more too get that same "zing", you figure, the quality just isn't as good. No, that isn't the case, unfortunately. That's just tolerance. You get caught up in things, so you blow people off or just flake out on events. People start to wonder what is wrong, because you're so fucking scatter brained most of the time. That weight you lost? You think you've got a great skinny going, but you actually look like the living dead. Skin turns really pale and sunken in. You're so wrapped up in your amphetamine induced perceptions that you don't notice any of this.

It gets worse by this point. You're used to living like this. In fact, you're body has taken such a beating that you no longer can function without this drug. Getting out of bed becomes impossible, because opening your eyes hurts. You're so fatigued, due to sleep deprivation, that doing anything becomes a dull chore. Hell, you can't even experience fun or pleasure without it. So you take more just to get back to where you were.

It continues like this until you burn out or fix yourself. I'm sure I glossed over a lot of the parts, and honestly, it's impossible to describe unless you've been there. Those that went through this nightmare know exactly what I'm talking about and maybe can add their two cents. Just remember, you never get sick. No, it's all mental. It becomes a crutch that you rely on and next thing you know, you can't even do anything without it. Even when you clean up, you never really stop thinking about getting amped. It never leaves you. Ever.
 
Found the above quote in a archived Amphetamines discussion, it seems to explain my situation beta then i eva could
 
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