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Recovery Heroin

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donattella

Greenlighter
Joined
Nov 3, 2024
Messages
10
Hi all,

This is gonna be a “am i the asshole” combined with desperate need of help.

i ll give you a context but its a rather long one. so me and my bf have been together almost 5 yrs now, we live together etc. Unfortunately once he introduced me to crack we both started having a crack issue. During that time ( around 2-3 yrs ago) i used to take from his part, i dont have an excuse i just wanted more and for some reason did not ask. i am not proud at all of that, and combined with my rather difficult personality it was not great. not to mention i lied that i took it while he was having a bad apnoc attack. eventually i confessed , we fought and almost broke up but we didnt . fast forward to today we still do crack every now in then and he s hella paranoid. if i move a certain way ( even if he spreads them, his are in his pocket) he goes nuts because i do not cooperate. these days ive tried to be more open and let him have his way. but every time he sees smth remotely similar to it he accuses me, and if i say no he wont believe me. Then he s all about wanting me to be honest but how can i be if he doesnt believe me? I love him to death but i am a rather weird individual, i admit ive made huge mistake and misstreated him, but im working on it now.

I need to mention that he earns more than i do, so if we spend my salary first then he needs to pay for stuff every time we fight he tells me im a gold digger. in the context we spend my money together, when he was jobless and i paid the rent by myself never once have i told him that. when he does crack he is very mean, calling me all names, a couple of days he smashed a pipe into the wall . He also finds it unfair that i share almost half of what o have to make up for the fact i usually finished first and he would give me the second smoke. however when i give hin i break a full rock.

Now to the point , he s a heroin addict and has begged me for a while to help him quit, make a list etc. When he s sober he s the sweetest man alive , i cant even compare it. i have not done that, i admin i didnt put as much interest into it. and for a while i smoked more heroin than i should hVe. Last night when we were foing crack he made a huge scandal on why should he give me downers if i smoke like there s no tmr. ( we also had lills and basically had to ask multiple times to het one) . He also constantly blames me that he could not get clean, which sine i also smoked i understand.

What i cannot move on is, the woman who basically raised me ( my best friends daughter) has cancer everywhere and she s not gonna survive much. i found a couple of days ago and the reason i wanted crack was because i could not deal with those new sober, i felt like my beart was being ripped out. I love that woman to death, and he accoused me that i wanted crack instead of him being there for me at noon, so when ot was around bed tome and i was coming off i asked, beggee, him to come hig me because i felt so bad. and he just said he has his own issues. he did stay for a bit with me, but no confornt nothing. and i inderstand why he feels i dont deserve it. but i begged him to give me a break for these days because i cant do it . he says he s tired of being made a fool.

Am i the asshole to think he s in the wrong? If i ever say this to him he ll just remind me of all the shit things ive done in our relationship. But i do not want to lose him, he s absolutely great when sober, cares for me, everything. but what he said last night…. I cannot stop thinking about it .

Now to the drug question, how can i help him quit? I feel its my duty, as i have promised so many tomes and i really want him to be okay. after he s clean we will sit and see what happens of us depending on how things evolve.

Sorry for the long rant, i live in a foreign country and i have no one else but him.

Ps: he s never been violent with me and i know he loves me, otherwise he wouldnt have stuck around for so long… please advise on how can i help and maybe approach the situation
 
Has he tried MAT? You dont have to be stuck on it forever, I was able to get on and off within 3 months last time at 20mls a day - although my habit was minimal @0.2 (0.4max) a day.

If you look at the last thread I made, I wrote out a Methadone tapering plan that he could use. You can also use Lyrica which works exceptionally well for opioid withdrawals.
 
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He was at a clinic and they recommended Suboxon e so we have a bunch of those . he doesn't wanna do methadone as he s scared of the withdrawals . He troed tapering h off , but unsuccessfully as he says his pain is way to great too handlez He managed once for a whole month when we were in our hometown but he says he doesnt know how he managed then. I think it its because here is easier to get. We are also in Europe. I feel pretty guilty as I cannot help in a useful day. this week he ll get it off from work so he can try to quit , he has a bunch of benzos to help with the pain as well LYRICA. I will try to be as helpful as possible and take care of the rest of the house chores and food as much as possible due to me having a full time job. And we the imminent death of my soul grandma is hard to focus and i dont feel like i can talk to anyone, and i do try to stay away from pills/heroin but i have to do it all raw . I
 
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I'm very sorry to heary about your soul grandmother. I can imagine now would be a very trying time for you to quit.

As for your partner, the benzos and the Lyrica should be enough. Lyricas a damn miracle drug for withdrawals in my experience.
How much is he using a day and what is his route of administration?

I understand a lot of people are afraid of methadone withdrawals. Indeed they are quite prolonged. Personally I've been on it twice in my life time and getting off it wasnt what I'd call hell, but it was certainly very annoying. No energy, apathetic, depressed, CONSTANTLY sweaty...ugh. I fucking HATE the sweats/chills.

See how he gets on with the Benzos and Lyrica. That was my method for my last two detoxes but I of course would eventually give into cravings. Otherwise all my detoxes have been raw cold turkeys. I must have done somewhere in the region of 30-50 of those over 14 years...

Lyrica 300mgs and Diazepam 30-40mgs was my detox cocktail. He's going to need some Imodium too and if he can get to a doctor then get some Oxybrutrinin for the sweats, I doubt he'll have the will nor energy to shower 2-3 times a day.
 
Well, yesterday has been somehow better. But he keeps on seeing things in a way that confirm his theory about me ( which is that i steal his drugs) when i dont. He would tell me he sees me put stuff in my pipe so id smoke more which is also not true… and every time i tell him thats not tru he just brushes it
Off. where i understand he is not himself, the things he tells me are awfully mean.

Also he did manage to not smoke but we kinda in a crack binge, i am still very bad due to my grama s story. And what hurts me most is that he thinks im doing it just for fun when i am in fact in the darkest place ever . i also wish to be able to help him recover. last night he took i think 3 300 mg pills of lyrica combined with benzos. and i could never tell him that but he scared the shit out of me. he couldnt speak properly, he kept wanting to go out to meet a dealer we had no plans on seeing. i had to fight him to get to bed, or to not go out the balcony.

This will sound bad after all he did for me and i swear i want to help him but im not ar all prepared for this. so, how should i approach this? Considering i have stuff of my own, and he s also a priority for me z

Thankas all
 
donattella said:
Well, yesterday has been somehow better. But he keeps on seeing things in a way that confirm his theory about me ( which is that i steal his drugs) when i dont. He would tell me he sees me put stuff in my pipe so id smoke more which is also not true… and every time i tell him thats not tru he just brushes it
Off. where i understand he is not himself, the things he tells me are awfully mean.

Also he did manage to not smoke but we kinda in a crack binge, i am still very bad due to my grama s story. And what hurts me most is that he thinks im doing it just for fun when i am in fact in the darkest place ever . i also wish to be able to help him recover. last night he took i think 3 300 mg pills of lyrica combined with benzos. and i could never tell him that but he scared the shit out of me. he couldnt speak properly, he kept wanting to go out to meet a dealer we had no plans on seeing. i had to fight him to get to bed, or to not go out the balcony.

This will sound bad after all he did for me and i swear i want to help him but im not ar all prepared for this. so, how should i approach this? Considering i have stuff of my own, and he s also a priority for me z

Thankas all
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Maybe lay off the benzos for him.

Tagamet and loperamide and some clonidine if you can get it will help with any of the WD symptoms.
 
Pregabalin are addictive in their own right and comes with its own set of withdrawal symptoms, so best to keep it to a max dose of 300mgs a day and only for the amount of time that it would take for the opioid withdrawals to stop.

How are things going for you now? Hows your partner getting along?
Even if you've tried and failed, I hope you'll continue to try. It often takes me a few false starts before I get sober - rarely does it happen on the first try.
 
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