istilplayrunescape
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Apr 4, 2016
- Messages
- 23
I have been messing with heroin a lot lately. I cannot give a exact amount of time because I am responsibility free and have been in a long fog from this bender. It was about a half gram a day, then I stopped with the help of subs and on day 3 felt good with no subs. Stupid me went back for another undefined amount of time and the last week I was using I really wanted to stop.
We have a family vacation to south Carolina I figured that's a good opportunity.
So during this new bender I started using a gram per day and the last few days I would use a little less (have some left over the next day).
I bought a final gram for the 14 hour car ride (not withdrawing in the back of a mini van) and it was gone with 4 hours left (I credit that to stopping for the night). The last hour of the car ride is when withdrawls began. I brought subs. Not many. 1 in total. (8mg) or less.
I start breaking little tiny little (0.25mg) parts to snort and remember friends mom saying to stick under tongue. Although tiny peices snorted always worked I tried the tongue and it works too. I kept taking some until I felt better probably 0.75mg in.
When we arrived I felt great for about 4 hours after the subs. But you can tell by looking at my face I am sick.
Day 1 in south Carolina- searing back pain, subs won't help that, for the most part they have stopped the sniffles tears that just happen and the sweats and chills. But searing pain. Night comes and I cannot sleep. I eventually go from the bed to the floor and lean up again the wall until someone wakes up at 330am. We stay up til 5 then go to the only dunkin around here and I go back to laying in bed. I look at the clock it's 6:49 am. I look back at the clock it's 10:50. Some sleep!!!
Now I am in day 2, over 36 hours in. I stayed using the extremely small doses of sub. It feels like I have been here a week but it's only really the first day. This morning after sleeping I felt nice! Hit the water and everything, then when we went for lunch I told my mom I needed to go back and lay down, im sick.
I have a bunch of hydrocodone but I never take them even in withdrawl, I never have. Always thought they were kind of gross. But today on the bed I took 20mg of hydro. I couldn't help it. I've only got 2 more full days here in sc then im going back. Im scared I can't help but use....
Main problems, I still love heroin, I still love it and want it so bad but I want to be free. I sit at the bathtub and cry about what I've done to myself.
Another problem is I can afford it, I don't have to steal ot anything I have a good job with my dad who owns sucessful company's. I sometimes want nothing more but to get some H and go hit the video games after a long day. It's roofing. Everyone in roofing has these drug problems.
I know the vicodin will reset my wds some but not totally. And I am feeling good now but I know that's just for some hours. Even with the low amount of subs I am feeling ok (why is that).
I want to he clean I want to be, but if I were home right now I would be buying dope.
Oh yeah and I know I am bordering full blown addiction and soon it will be a financial problem. As of now I can easily take care of what I need to live and have a bunch of heroin. But I know that won't last. I really want some right now I can't stop pacing. Im glad im in the middle of the south but im.scared to be leaving soon.
I've already caught myself looking up people who have been in trouble for dope around here and finding them on Facebook thinking about messaging them. But I haven't I think it's too much trouble im just telling myself it's not worth it. Fuck man. I think I just needed somewhere to say all this. No one in my life has the slightest idea except obviously the guy who sells it to me.
We have a family vacation to south Carolina I figured that's a good opportunity.
So during this new bender I started using a gram per day and the last few days I would use a little less (have some left over the next day).
I bought a final gram for the 14 hour car ride (not withdrawing in the back of a mini van) and it was gone with 4 hours left (I credit that to stopping for the night). The last hour of the car ride is when withdrawls began. I brought subs. Not many. 1 in total. (8mg) or less.
I start breaking little tiny little (0.25mg) parts to snort and remember friends mom saying to stick under tongue. Although tiny peices snorted always worked I tried the tongue and it works too. I kept taking some until I felt better probably 0.75mg in.
When we arrived I felt great for about 4 hours after the subs. But you can tell by looking at my face I am sick.
Day 1 in south Carolina- searing back pain, subs won't help that, for the most part they have stopped the sniffles tears that just happen and the sweats and chills. But searing pain. Night comes and I cannot sleep. I eventually go from the bed to the floor and lean up again the wall until someone wakes up at 330am. We stay up til 5 then go to the only dunkin around here and I go back to laying in bed. I look at the clock it's 6:49 am. I look back at the clock it's 10:50. Some sleep!!!
Now I am in day 2, over 36 hours in. I stayed using the extremely small doses of sub. It feels like I have been here a week but it's only really the first day. This morning after sleeping I felt nice! Hit the water and everything, then when we went for lunch I told my mom I needed to go back and lay down, im sick.
I have a bunch of hydrocodone but I never take them even in withdrawl, I never have. Always thought they were kind of gross. But today on the bed I took 20mg of hydro. I couldn't help it. I've only got 2 more full days here in sc then im going back. Im scared I can't help but use....
Main problems, I still love heroin, I still love it and want it so bad but I want to be free. I sit at the bathtub and cry about what I've done to myself.
Another problem is I can afford it, I don't have to steal ot anything I have a good job with my dad who owns sucessful company's. I sometimes want nothing more but to get some H and go hit the video games after a long day. It's roofing. Everyone in roofing has these drug problems.
I know the vicodin will reset my wds some but not totally. And I am feeling good now but I know that's just for some hours. Even with the low amount of subs I am feeling ok (why is that).
I want to he clean I want to be, but if I were home right now I would be buying dope.
Oh yeah and I know I am bordering full blown addiction and soon it will be a financial problem. As of now I can easily take care of what I need to live and have a bunch of heroin. But I know that won't last. I really want some right now I can't stop pacing. Im glad im in the middle of the south but im.scared to be leaving soon.
I've already caught myself looking up people who have been in trouble for dope around here and finding them on Facebook thinking about messaging them. But I haven't I think it's too much trouble im just telling myself it's not worth it. Fuck man. I think I just needed somewhere to say all this. No one in my life has the slightest idea except obviously the guy who sells it to me.