Heroin..will be the death of me.

[AKKennedy]

I don't think anyone could of put it better than Lou Reed. I have done a lot of drugs in my mere 25 years, and none have taken over my mind quite like the boy (in atlanta boy is heroin and girl is cocaine). A couple days ago my boyfriend (who I live with and love very much), found my needle and spoon and a bunch of old pt. bags...i know, i know, i should of thrown them out...which scared me because he is pretty straight laced and doesnt do anything unless I get him to smoke pot with me. I had a few strips of suboxone and I figured I would try to get off, so yesterday I didnt have any and waited until I was good and sick to take the suboxone, as I have experienced the WD's before from taking it too early and it IS NOT pleasant. Much to my chagrin, the suboxone didnt really work. I still wanted to chop my arms off from the RLS...had a few hours of flopping around like a fish last night...eventually my body was able to relax..This AM I had another 4 mgs and I still felt like shit. SO I CAVED. Ugh. I just went and saw my dope dealer and did two bags, the suboxone definitely hindered it a bit but I feel a million times better now...physically. Mentally i am so disappointed with myself and I feel so hopeless, like I'll never get off the shit. I don't know if I should come clean to my boyfriend...I know he would put me in detox immediately. Detox is something I try and avoid..though I know it works and has been the only way I have gotten off heroin in the past with the exception of kicking it cold turkey like 5 or 6 times because I had moved and couldnt get any...

 

[privatestock1988]

yeah thats rough u might need to go into detox just to get all of the opiates out of your system. i never have done heroin but i can imagine how hard it must be to stop using it. fuck i cant stop myself from buying weed every week i couldnt imagine dealing with a heroin habit lol.

 

[herbavore]

AK, what makes you not want to go to detox? Maybe it would be for the best right now so that you can really put this behind you. Is it worry about a job or other people knowing or just what rehab is like that makes you not want to go?

 

[theartofwar]

I don't find suboxone works for me detoxing at all either - personally if I don't use methadone I just end up using benzos and clonodine and somas.

I HATE going to detox,, i've been so many times so I hear you ,, but honestly it's better to go and be done with it in 5 days - have a fighting chance to start in recovery. I hate to be blunt but you are right, heroin will kill you, i've fallen out 6 times cuz of the dog food and I don't wish it upon anyone.

 

[xxsicknessxx]

i would come clean because you never know how long a person will stay with you

 

[T. Calderone]

You didn't really say what was your bf's reaction when he found your gear? I take it he wasn't pleased but you feel shitty about what you're doing. The suboxone probably didn't work for you because you had other opiates in your system. If you made up your mind you don't want rehab, there are places where you can detox on an out-patient basis. They will tell you the correct way to use subs or even methadone if this is an option for you. Wish you the best.

 

[Pagey]

I understand why you wouldn't want to go to detox, but maybe it would really be for the best? Try to focus on the future - a hit will only make you feel good for so long, but then the amount of time you'll be disappointed with yourself will be so much longer and more painful and it won't have been worth it. Especially since eventually your tolerance will surely build up to the point where heroin won't even make you feel good anymore, just not sick. Best of luck, I'm sure you can do it.