97,98,99,100....1,2,3,4,5 This is how i judged how far i was walking, so far i reckoned i'd done around 5 miles . I was in the middle of nowhere in the darkest country lanes i'd ever seen, all i knew was i was in Wales & it felt better doing this than lying in that poxy little tent with that stinking , shitting thing i called my friend . It wasn't Vicki that bothered me , i loved her and we had come here together in one last attempt to get off this shit. It was the fact that her legs didn't tingle and tickle and feel like something was crawling under the skin. They ached so bad i wished i could break them , just to take the feeling away. My legs always bothered me , the shits , sickness, runny nose streaming eyes i could handle , but fuck me my legs.
We had been here 3 days now and even after i'd managed to talk my mate into travelling 4 hours by train to a place called Mehuncleth or something like that , with a package of 4 half a grammes ( which lasted just over a day ) It seemed we had been here a month . I knew i couldn't do it , wasn't strong enough , didn't want to do it , my only problem was Vicki.
It was 4am when i got back to the tent which was in Vicki's sisters back garden . Her sister had kindly let us stay while we attempted to beat the sickness. I sat outside smoking a fag thinking how do i tell her i can't do this no-more, finally i plucked up the courage and entered the tent. My eyes didn't believe it at first she was fast asleep...How could she be sleeping ? Here i was in full bore rattle mode and she was blissfully asleep , oblivious to my pain and suffering.
"VICKI,VICKI wake the fuck up ! How the fuckinhell are you sleeping while i'm rattlin my bollox off walking for fuckin miles in the pissin down rain "
She must have kept something from me , or maybe she brought some vallies or meth with her and she's had them all this time. This was the excuse i needed , the reason for fucking off home.
I was going home today with or without her.
It was 9 o clock when i phoned home i pleaded with my parents to get us a ticket back home . I told them i'd tried , i'd really tried but just couldn't do it this way . I needed proper medical help , rehab or something similar . My mom had heard it all before yet, again she came through for us .
" Come home son , we'll look after you "
The only thing i remember about the train journey home was seeing a bunch of school kids and feeling totally ashamed at how i looked and what they must of thought . How would i have reacted if i'd have seen me now.
I'd arranged to meet my man who would sort us a couple of 1/2's as i was always good for credit. As the train pulled in it was straight to the meet then into the toilets to shake this monkey off.
Now it was time to face the music , my parents were going to help me even my dad who i hardley spoke to said he would help me . I said my goodbye's to Vicki and arranged to meet in a couple of days . Before i knew it i was getting off my bus and approaching my folkes house. The guilt was overwhelming , the shame i'd caused my mom was massive. " Your Louie's a dirty smack-ed " they would say and she'd tell them i was getting help and was doing fine .
The gate opened and during those few seconds it took to walk the path my mind must of changed 20 times. "RUN,RUN,RUN," it kept saying , while at the same time the other half was telling me to stay and get the help i needed .Then the door opened and there was my mom , my one in a million loving mother, she wrapped her arms around me and whispered in my ear " Dont worry son your dad and i are going to help you beat this once and for all "
It was like a blanket of love had wrapped itself around me and i could of stayed there forever. Then out of nowhere a massive clap of thunder sounded above and a bolt of lightning struck me right in my soul.
I was grabbed and dragged with such force my trainer came off and my coat wrapped round my head , i was blinded by fear , confused , scared , what had happened to my blanket of love ?
My dad had happened , this giant ogre of a man had grabbed this 9st peice of shit who he carried with such ease , it was as if i was a bin bag about to be discarded into the back of a wagon.
The silence was deafening , no-one spoke ,my angel was silent in her defending. I dont think i spoke a word as he threw me on the floor sat on top of me and clamped a chain around my ankle.
Seconds later i awoke from my nightmare to find that the reality was much worse, i was indeed chained to a cast iron radiator in an extension at the back of the house.I was left for about an hour to come to terms with what had just happened to me , then my dad appeared and told me i was to be kept here for 30 days , Not one day less.