heroin users out there...

[evildick]

first off, i have read so many insults on BL about "junkies"
which i find kind of hypocritical comin outta the mouths of other drug users...but anyway it seems to be directed (mostly) at those who bang it. (i dont)(not cool with givin myself injections) i snort it, but i dont think it makes me any less of an addict..i was just wondering who else is out there...am i the only junkie? will i be shunned and hereforto "flamed" for admitting i have a problem? i dont steal or anything for it, i'm not a bad person, but i have found myself in the midst of a growing herion addiction. it's scary. i know it's bad, but i dont wanna stop. like smoking cigarettes (how many out of how many kids on bl smoke?) and i just wanna know who at least if any others on here that i can relate to..i dont know how/if i can/will get myself outta this place..support??anyone? anyone?

 

[BOGBUBBLE]

Theres alot of Heroin users on here, but this post sounds like more of a social thing, you may get a better response in the apropriate forum.

 

[preacher]

I smoke!

 

[zorn]

Tell me about it, goddamn ravers taking E every week but "sticking a needle into your body is just unnatural"... lick my balls.
Anyways, yeah, a lot of both casual H users and addicts here. If you're really worried about your addiction, the Dark Side and Life forums are generally very supportive. And there are plenty of people here just generally bitching about their habits and tolerances....

 

[xMemnonx]

If I could find it, I would do it.
Heroin, or opiates in general, are my favs! They are just so hard to come by for me...*sigh*.

 

[lain]

evildick: I am not a heroin user, but i used to have a pretty healthy (unhealty?) meth addiction and at the time major denial, so you're ahead of the game in my book. I would imagine that anybody with any sense wouldn't flame you or shun you, if you play the drug game, you're also running the risk of getting yourself into a position that is less than desireable.
If you truly want to get out of the place you're in, you will (be able to) do it. One thing I have learned is that everyone has their personal limit. The point at which you really decide that enough is enough and you're going to do something about it. I have been arrested for posession of methamphetamine and am an obviously guilty pending felon, but I don't think I've hit that point yet where I want to quit. Hell, I hope I never do. I don't really want to quit all drugs forever, I hope a future of occasional drug usage to enhance an already happy existance is ahead of me. I don't think of myself as a criminal even though I have been arrested and shit, so I can totally feel you on that not being a bad person thing.
I have made a commitment to stay off of any drugs for six months just to get my shit back together and my head back on my neck and then make a decision about my ability to handle responsible drug use. I believe I can, the people at NA seem to think differently, but it's something I can't worry about right now. I'm just going to get it back together and get back in college and I'll see where everything goes from there.
Maybe that is something to consider for you, a firm commitment to temporarily staying away from drugs to really feel out exactly where you are with this issue. If you feel comfortable with it then, fine, go back to doing heroin and if you see that you aren't comfortable with the direction your life was/is going see what you feel like doing from there. Just some suggestions, I'm not claiming to be an expert, just someone who has maybe has some similar experience. Good luck in whatever you decide.
bogbubble: sorry, not trying to be mean, but if this belongs in any other forum it would be the dark side, not social.

 

[eddi spgeddi]

hi,
past heroin user here.
yes it had a very distructive influence on my life.
1996 my then fiancee past away, and i never touched it again.
cheers, i hope you escape with less pain than i... im still crying, even right now.
mine is a horrible story... but most users who survive have their own, often just as bad.

 

[evildick]

i dunno..thats the thing, i cannot do this drug for recreation. it's got it's claws in me like nothin else ever has. i watched so many of my friends move in and out of different addictions, i have avoided all of them, because i saw what happened to them. then i move to detroit, and i start messin with this shit, a drug i havent had acess to, or any experience with, and i like being addicted to. and i dont know? is it wrong to be like this or to feel like this about it?
i dont wanna stop. i wanna be a happy heroin addict..but i can also see how that is a total delusion. i guess i was sayin HI! to all those out there, wherever and whoever else has a smack habit, let's be friends, ummkay?

 

[*KANE*]

there isn't any discussion of heroin here. This is a k-mart site . What does a blue light have to do with heroin?
j/k - nobody is going to object your heroin use in this forum.

 

[EvilSpaceMonk]

evildick, this post probably couldn't have come at a better time for me personally. Like yourself I have watched many friends subcome to other addictions that I, myself, was fortunate enough never to fall victim to. Practicaly every hard drug I tried, I didn't like. Coke rubbed me the wrong way, as did meth, tobacco, etc. These things weren't fun for me and developing a serious habbit was never an issue. However, when I started using opiates all of that changed.
I'm a college student and I still have positive forward momentum in my life. I'm not a hopeless junky that only has the love and warmth of heroin to make me feel good. I have a lot of other wonderful aspects of my life (girlfriend, money, great parents to name a few). I don't use heroin to escape reality or make my situation more palitable, I use it for fun and as a reward for when I've worked my ass off in school or some other aspect of my life.
Lately, I have developed somewhat of a heroin habbit. I'm not addicted to it, but I definitely thoroughly enjoy it and don't rule addiction out as a possible result of my use. You play with fire and you will get burned eventually. So don't think I'm ignoring the blatently obvious potential for addiction that even recreational heroin use carries.
I started smoking tar and progressed to shooting it, as well as other fun opiates, over the last six months or so. While I do feel like I have a handle on my use, I definitely feel the urge to go cop some more and more frequently. I can feel a possible addiction developing, but like you said sometimes I just don't care. Then I have to put myself in check. Perhaps I am already addicted and I'm in denial about this, which could totally be the case.
As far as having problems using heroin strictly recreationally, I know what you mean. It's not one of those things you can do once on a Saturday afternoon and feel content about. You need to have enough to get you through at least a full day so you can be high all day. It's weird like that, but I think that's where a good amount of the addiction potential lies.
I'm at an interesting crossroads in my use. One way is the clean and sober route, which is probably the best route (but then again, like most people, I don't usually do the BEST thing for me). The other road to travel would be the all out heroin user road, which is definitely not what I want for myself. So for the time being, I'm just going to fuck the roads all together and go straight hoping that eventually things work out for me and I won't get too carried away. Recreational heroin use is possible. It just takes an enormous amount of self-control, which I realize most people don't have. Right now I feel I have enough to manage, but this could change.
Anyway, good luck with your situation. Admitting you have a problem is the first step so you're on the right track. However, it doesn't seem like you want to get your shit together, which is often the case with addicts who haven't hit bottom yet. Do yourself a favor and see yourself hitting bottom before it happens so you can save yourself from having to endure one of the worst situations of your life, whatever that may be.
Drop me a line sometime if you want to talk. I'd be glad to discuss the ins and outs of our favorite substance.
[email protected]
Later...
[ 14 February 2002: Message edited by: EvilSpaceMonk ]
[ 14 February 2002: Message edited by: EvilSpaceMonk ]

 

[e_rep]

Before anyone moves, bumps, deletes or anything to this thread, from what I've experienced, the bluelighters who know a lot about heroin DON'T VISIT OR PARTICIPATE IN THE OTHER FORUMS. (like you're going to listen to me).
I decide to see what using heroin was all about. I purposely got physically dependent to see what withdrawal was like. Within that time, I lost a girl that I truly care about and can’t get her back. Because of this, every time I use, I will eventually wind up missing her all the more and become as extremely depressed as my bipolar manic-depressive condition will allow. After only using 2 or 3 times within the last 3 weeks, I am still unable to put my life in perspective. I just accepted a job in Manhattan for a substantial increase and opportunity and I'm not that happy about it. I do not blame heroin for fucking me up, I blame myself for using heroin to fuck myself up. I wanted a crash course in heroin addiction lifestyle and I got it. I learned that if you allow yourself to go that distance, eventually life is going to suck, whether it’s going to be a hard withdrawal and lingering desires or fucking up a relationship cause I didn’t act like I would of if I was straight. I know there’s people out there that can abuse and still handle their shit, I’m just saying that most people who go that far, when they hit a certain level, they will regret ever picking up and have to go through a dark period in their life to overcome it.

 

[heartbeat]

Originally posted by evildick:
i wanna be a happy heroin addict
I've known a lot of heroin addicts...and none of them were happy while using.
I don't know what to tell you.
My boyfriend has been clean from H for almost 2 months.
He told me today that he is starting to feel a lot better mentally and physically.
It sounds to me like you are looking for acceptance from somewhere because you sound confused, lost, and sad.
Be careful.
I wish you well.

 

[kaiser]

I am a "recovering" junkie, I quit 6 weeks ago an I am now on methadone treatment. So I am still opiate dependent. I didn't want to quit but it got to the point where I couldn't get high. I would bang 10 bags an wouldn't feel shit. I was shooting 30 bags a day an not getting high at all. I would try an try and nothing. I would get a rush that lasted like 3 minute's if that & the rush was weak as shit I don't even know if I should call it a rush. So I was like fuck this. I asked my dad if he could take the day out of work the next day an bring me to a detox, he agreed an off I went. I was there for 3 days. The doc recomended that I get on methadone treatment, I agreed an he set it all up. 2 day's after I got out of detox I got my first dose of methadone. They could only give me 30 mg by law on the first day. After that they gave me 40mg 3 day's after that 50mg 3 days after that 60mg etc. They were going to stop me at 70mg an then start bringing me down slowly, "I was on the detox protocal." 70mg wasn't cutting it. Before they start bringing you down they want you to be confortable with the dose that you are on. So I was at 120mg an I was still getting sick every morning + I couldn't sleep. And the nurse said that they are going to have to start bringing me down because they are running out of time, "They have like 6 months to take you off the methadone if your on the detox protocal." So I asked to get put on the maintainense protocal, "Long term treatment." I am on 130mg now it is working a little better. I still am having truble sleeping an my stomach gets all cramped up in the am, my eye's water, muscle's ache but this don't start happening till about 4:00, 5:00 am. Before I would start getting sick around 12:00 am.

first off, i have read so many insults on BL about "junkies"
which i find kind of hypocritical comin outta the mouths of other drug users...but anyway it seems to be directed (mostly) at those who bang it.
Anyone who talks shit about people doing heroin are ignorant fucks! Heroin cause's no harm to the body what so ever! Not even if used for a life time! As long as people use clean needle's an shoot up correctly then there body is strait, all though you never know what the dope is cut with, so... But that goes for all drugs. It sure can fuck your life up though! But so can all adictive drug's. Other than shooting is more adictive an more risks involved.
Don't get me wrong, I am not saying dope wont turn your life up side down. All I am saying is that it isn't no worse than doing coke, E, meth etc. Them drugs are actually alot worse for your brain and body! Caffien is worse for your body than heroin for god sakes!
evildick, How long have you had a habit for? How many bags have you been doing a day? Have you been to any programs? Maybe you should try methadone treatment?

 

[SovietContin]

I'll contribute a little bit here.
I got into heroin about 3 years ago. It was nothing significant. The quality was pretty low. Did the trick for most of my friends, but I had somewhat of a tolerance to begin with from using Percocet on a regular enough basis.
It didn't take long before I found an amazing hook up with extremely pure heroin at too-good-to-be-true prices for as much heroin I was getting for $20, quality aside.
But I was only ever snorting it. I never got physically addicted after 6 months of using it casually and fairly regularly.
I began using heroin again in September. Started IVing it. And got hooked REALLY fast. Until a few weeks ago, I was spending around $200 a week on it. I have never fell so in love with anyone or anything in my life. And it basically happened overnight. After that first shot, I just started using it daily. It was the best feeling in the world. But my tolerance rose as fast as I got into it. And my personality started changing. I really stopped caring about a lot of things. Everything else was second to heroin. Heroin is a serious addiction. It hijacked my mind. After not even two months, I was really starting to fight to regain control after almost losing my girlfriend when she found out how often I was using it and that I was IVing it. There were several times when I would tell myself I wanted to stop and I'd get in my car and start to go out to get it but turn around. Usually the next day I would succumb not just to the sickness of withdrawl, but to the unbelievable cravings which were worse than anything.
And very quickly I found out that shortly after developing a tolerance and when you get so that you can't afford to get high anymore and your use becomes nothing more than maintence, you start developing a serious depression. I noticed this not only in myself, but everyone else I was using it with. I had to use heroin just to feel normal.
I only kicked it three weeks ago. Everything happened really fast. And it's far from over. I'm still using oxycodone way more than I'd like. I don't have the self-control over drugs that I once used to. A few years ago I was completely out of control. I stopped everything and after that I still used, but it was infrequent and if I wasn't in the mood, anyone could wave anything in my face and I wouldn't be at all tempted. My father has Percocet and OxyContin around the house and when it's sitting out I compulsively steal some and use it. I have an operation coming up next week and my doctor gave me a bottle of 50 percocets to take AFTERWARDS, but I'm already down to half my arsenal. And I'm already planning to go cop some dope since I'm obviously not going to have enough Percocet to get me through two weeks.
Why anyone would WANT to be a junkie is beyond me. Using it is a great experience. Flat out, I love heroin. There's nothing better. Being to the point where you have a physical addiction and you're spending all of your paychecks minus what you absolutely need for neccessities like gas and paying bills is just pathetic. Shooting dope just to feel normal and not even getting high off it even though you're spending a fortune on it is also pathetic.
I don't want anyone to think I'm getting on my soapbox and preaching against heroin. I'm not. I'm not at all above or against using heroin. But I feel very compelled to highlight the seriousness of the addiction that comes with it if you ABUSE heroin.
Also, I'm going to agree with what Blahblahblah said. I myself have never used methadone. For getting off heroin, I absolutely required oxycodone to help with the withdrawls. But I wasn't taking it to get high and I only took as little needed as possible so I could just come down over a few days and just stop. If you're not stopping, then there is no point to even trying to quit. Methadone maintence completely defies the purpose of quitting heroin.
The other reason that sticks out to quit by yourself is that if you're using rehab or methadone as a crutch, then you're never learning how to deal with your addiction and once your crutch is gone then you'll end up with the same problem again. You have to fix the problem, not put a bandaid over a cut that won't heal. This goes for any drug, too. If you need rehab for guidance and support, that's one thing. If you need to go because it's the only thing that will keep you off, then maybe it's good in the short term, but in the long run you'll get nothing out of it.
I have an addictive personality. Even when I am displaying self-control, I'm still an addict, big time. So far, I have not been able to stay clean for more than a few months at a time. So here is a tip for those that don't forsee themselves completely beating addiction. Learn how to manage it. Maintain a managable addiction. I was using Percocet before heroin. I used it regularly for years. I could keep it down to once or twice a week (a binge here and there every few months). I never needed a particulary high dose. I could function 100% normally. Nobody had the slightest idea I was using drugs if I didn't mention it. I am trying to get back to this, because to be perfectly honest, I don't want to stop using altogether. But I don't want my addiction interfering with my life. So far, being an addict doesn't really make a difference if I can more than get by and am going somewhere with my life. I can definantly see myself stopping one day when I'm to the point where I own my own house and I'm ready to settle down and get more comitted in a relationship. I wouldn't think of proposing to that special someone unless I thought I had my life in order enough, and even a managable addiction wouldn't cut it then. But for now, I believe it works for me and it can definantly work for others if you can be honest with yourself.
[ 16 February 2002: Message edited by: SovietContin ]

 

[evildick]

well, i thank all of you for your input. i have been using for four months, i quit for one after two, but for all my strength i gave in. and i know there comes a time when i can't run. shit, i don't know. it's where i'm at apparently, ??? and i have plans to leave here, cause i can't really get away from it here. shit, i was just stoppin here to hang with one of my best friends, i am travelling, and the only reason i stayed is cause i thought i could harmlessly waste a couple weeks, havin fun with my best bud
and then i find out he's on it, and try some..and well, here i sit four months later.
so we'll see. if it's wherever i go, maybe i still wont kick it. whatever i think i'll figure a way to get beyond it, but i AM NOT ready to say, "no more"
GIVE ME ONE MORE PEACEFUL, MEDICATED MOMENT
-A Perfect Circle

 

[PhreeX]

Look, ANOTHER THREAD debating the evils of uysing heroin IV ... I know many people that arte addicits who CAN sustain... sure, a good portion of their money many go to the habbit, but it's worth it to them! I am also speaking of experience here - I work, in fact I make fine gold and platinum jewelry.. in a couple years I will take my bench test and be a master jeweler... prior to that I did technical support - people would call up with problems on a Windows NT/2000 network and I would fix their problems, for awhile I also actually built the networks... I did good in school considering how bored I was with it, and even had a partial schlorship to college - I WAS going to med school... I have applied myself at a lot of differnt things and succeeded - I now make enough money that I can afford my expenses and ALSO afford my RECREATIONAL CHEMICALS... for me thats opioids.. guess what? I SHOOT HEROIN!
Now, I am able to fund my entire habbit on my own, with the money I make doing my job... as for addiction - I use the drugs, my use is NOT causing problems for anyone else, and there is ALWAYS a GOOD 2 weeks out oif each month where I detox myself (by choice) ...
The point of all that? Simple, I consider myself to be a "responsible user" pof the drug - you want to call me a junky because I shoot up? Fine, call mer a junky! You want to assert I am throwing away my money? Go right ahead .. look, some people have hobbies, and that is thetr outlet.. some people play instrumunts and that is their outlet... some people do the sports thing - well, DRUGS ARE MY OUTLET ..
The thing is, people are going to lose control when they use drugs - but this is the bitch - they will lose control regardless of the drug, helll, if it's not drugs then many people will lose control to something ....
I "self-medicate" so that in itself will earn my the title of 'addict' from many of you people - what needs to be looked at it what damage is being done to myself or others?
As for what works in getting someomne clean - thats another thread in itself..
The most intelligent thing I heard in this thread:

"Maintain a managable addiction."
Damn straight!

 

[SovietContin]

The point of all that? Simple, I consider myself to be a "responsible user" pof the drug - you want to call me a junky because I shoot up? Fine, call mer a junky! You want to assert I am throwing away my money? Go right ahead .. look, some people have hobbies, and that is thetr outlet.. some people play instrumunts and that is their outlet... some people do the sports thing - well, DRUGS ARE MY OUTLET ..
Two things really quick.
I did make mention that I was definantly not against heroin. And I mentioned I had a lot of problems from IVign heroin. Incase this was written partially in response to anything I said, I want to make it clear that I also hold nothing against shooting up. If you can handle it, props. I envy you. In my case, I can't handle it. Not only did it drive up my addiction 10 miles high physically, but psychologically as well. I enjoy it too much to handle it at this point. I can use responsibly in the sense that I'm not going to go out and bang so much I risk an overdose, I'm good with keeping my doses fairly minimal. My problem factor is frequency. Not only did I want to do it every day, but I DID do it every day. Instead of buying enough to get high for a day or two, I would buy enough to get high for a week or two.
And as far as money goes, I'm definantly not going to say anyone is throwing anything away simply because they're buying dope to shoot up. I could afford what I was doing, but I also really wanted to be saving money for my other pursuits. If you don't have other pursuits or you can afford them and still do heroin, more power to you. I'm again envious.
The second thing I wanted to get into briefly was the hobby aspect. I agree 110%. Drugs aren't only my recreational pursuit, but my main hobby asides from music. I don't just use them, I learn about them, I study them, I study the people that use them, I try to know every aspect about them (except chemistry which I don't even bother with because I suck at it and I have no interest in producing drugs anyways). Hell, I even spend hours every day posting on various drug-related message boards. I'm sure there are going to be some recreational users reading this who are going to think "hey, I smoke pot after work everyday" and justify it to others by proclaiming it a hobby. No. A hobby is more than just doing something. You think a Nascar fan just watches the races on TV? No. He/she can tell you everything there is to know about Nascar. If you understand the mechanics of marijuana, know how and why it gets you high, know all the paraphenelia, know names and history about it, then you are definantly a hobbyist. Make no mistake, drugs are a legitimate hobby. I try to spread my knowledge and experiences everywhere because this is what I love and this is what I'm into. Phreex, I love what you said about the labels people give. How drugs fit into my life far surpasses a superficial addiction. If it was simply an addiction, I wouldn't care about anything else. But I do. I have taken this so far I've begun writing a book about my experiences and I even just recently joined up with a community organization to help try to influence kids to stay away from drugs. I'm sure a lot of you are now thinking "what the fuck?". Here's how it works. I have dedicated 8 years of my life to drugs. I have seen both the good and bad. Maybe the organizations message is to keep kids off of drugs, but my personal objective for being involved is to keep people safe. I get to provide real facts and experiences and talk to kids. I don't say "don't do drugs", I say "here's what happened to me and here's what I've seen". If someone remembers anything I said and still chooses to use drugs, well.. that happens. But hopefully they can avoid the bad and gain something out of it and share the same pleasures I get from drugs. I don't take the side that drugs are ultimately bad, and at the same time I don't promote their use to others. They're not for everyone. I just want to get the information out there that you can't get anywhere else. What really happens when you become a drug user. It's not how the pro-drug or anti-drug sides portray it, because it's not about sides. I don't want to have a job for the rest of my life where I'm sitting at a desk or doing manual labor. I have music and philosophy tied into my drug hobby and I'd like to make a living out of it just talking to people and writing books and articles. I'm not banking on it as my career destiny and I'm not going to stop what I'm doing because I'm not confident I can make a living out of it. I'll do what I do anyways. But it reaffirms the idea of it being a hobby. This is what I do. This is who I am.

 

[Flashia]

sovietcontin how old are you?? when did you start using drugs? jw cause i really like to read your posts on drugs cause you go so dept in it and really make everything so clear. i mean this is my 4th year of using and i have done everythin except heroin and meth which are closely related and perscription stuff. which i am extremly intrested in trying heroin! for some odd reaosn i just have a urge to do it and i don't care if people think or call me a junkie i am what i am and i am gonna do what makes me happy! well ne enough of my soapbox~later

 

[SovietContin]

I'm 23. I started using drugs 8 years ago, when I was 15. You mentioned you're interested in using heroin. What I think is kind of funny is that I always knew I'd be a junkie at some point. When I was just a stupid punk rocker and I wanted to be a travelling gutter punk, I made up the nickname "Needle" for myself for a short while.
Actually being a junkie wasn't as cool as I thought it would be, though. It lived up the expectations.. for about a month. Then it lost the magic just like any other drug.

 

[SovietContin]

I was 15 when I started using drugs 8 years ago. The first drug I ever tried was codeine via Tylenol 3's.
You mentioned you're interested in using heroin. What I think is kind of funny is that I always knew I'd be a junkie at some point. When I was just a stupid punk rocker and I wanted to be a travelling gutter punk, I made up the nickname "Needle" for myself for a short while.
Actually being a junkie wasn't as cool as I thought it would be, though. It lived up the expectations.. for about a month. Then it lost the magic just like any other drug.