heroin: the only thing

[eldesperado]

Maybe you should think about how heroin always returns you to being depressed. If you can connect heroin mentally to heroin withdrawal,eventually you'll want to stop doing it.

I think he is saying that he has incorporated the depression and withdrawals of heroin into his love for it. People can become addicted to pain and sorrow as well as joy.

I must say, after seeing a fair-sized montage of different things that make up life, nothing has the potential for complete monopoly over the mind like heroin. It's not like a normal addiction, where you fight the withdrawal symptoms and fight to get clean - not at all. It is closer to true love, which can''t be fought. There's the ups (riding the wave of good fortune, however far and few between and fleeting it may be), the downs (waiting for your guy, being sick and poor and noticing that you've become worthless), and the sex (poking the needle around, trying to work it properly so that you climax).

It's "closer" to true love, but is it truly, your "True Love"? Do you have children? Do you want them, a family, a real life? Do you love heroin more than women?

Do you think in the back of your mind that you'll quit one day, that you continue to keep using to push yourself(subconsciously maybe) to a precipice where you have to quit?(this was my case).

Have you ever tried DMT when your clean? It might give you a fresh perspective on what you really love(a combination of very personally insightful state with extreme euphoria).

What about a vacation to another country(non-English/not European) for a month or so if you can afford it?(staying in a cheap apartment wouldn't be that expensive really besides airfare). Focus all your energy on learning a new language, interacting in a new way with different people,...it's something that can be very stimulating and gives your sober mind something to do.

IF you truly realize that you love heroin more than anything else, and that's a big IF... then the only thing for you to do is stop feeling shame for your love, and just accept and the fact that the rest of your life will be a continual cycle of suffering and opiate induced pleasure. You should be confident that you've found the only thing you truly want. But I think just the fact your posting here means you want something more.

 

[oliphill]

Replace with with Love