Heroin/Opioid MEGA-Thread: Junkies check-in here!

[xxkcxx]

I really cannot afford methadone, and I am on suboxone, I just don't take it like I am supposed to and no one holds me responsible so i will.

 

[eon_blue]

I really cannot afford methadone, and I am on suboxone, I just don't take it like I am supposed to and no one holds me responsible so i will.

^^Same thing happened to me when I was on bupe. My doc didn't do anything he was supposed to (regular drug tests, check-ups, etc.)...I just called in my sub script whenever I needed more, stockpiled a bunch and got high on dope whenever I wanted.

Sub maintenance works great if you can get on a legitimate program run by someone that knows what they're doing. Giving an addict control over their own program is, well, never going to end well.

 

[Carl Landrover]

why dont you guys go on subuxone or methadone??methadone does get a bad rep by many but it has also saved a good amount of folks as well..

I've already been on suboxone and already quit and tapered off to nothing with it 3 times. I was on it daily for a 14 month stretch before. I was actually the first patient my doctor had who tapered off, he didn't even actually know much about tapering down with it.

I have more than enough saved and recently acquired to do it again, but I take the sub for a day or 2 and then find myself picking up again.


I feel like telling someone close to me because I know that would warrant big change, but if I told my mom she'd freak out and want to send me to rehab. Then my girlfriend would find out and she'd know I had been lying to her that I hadn't actually been clean. That tears me up thinking how much it would hurt her if she knew...she'd probably feel like the last several months were a lie.

Plenty of reasons to stop, enough that I always feel guilty before I'm about to get something, but I can't seem to NOT get something. It sounds fuckin' easy, which is what really drives me nuts, but it's really not.


Whatever, all this is always talk. That's all I am is talk. I need to take some more action. I know one thing, I am NOT calling/texting dope boy and I'm not answering any texts or calls he sends me. We used to be friends, but now he uses me for a ride and I use him for a connect. Fuckin' begged me to take him down a couple of times when I wanted to stop. I'm glad he's farther away now...I wish I could help him stop because beneath all the drug abuse, he's a good guy, but I need to focus on me now.

 

[xxkcxx]

I wish I could help him stop because beneath all the drug abuse, he's a good guy, but I need to focus on me now.

That's a tough, but important, lesson to learn.

 

[Carl Landrover]

That's a tough, but important, lesson to learn.

He doesn't care that he's an addict now, he blows all his money on dope, but I still feel guilty that I enabled him so much the last few months. We're bad for each other and I've known that for a while. Ah well, we had our fun.

The funny thing is, my girlfriend has met him briefly once or twice, and I mention that I'm hanging out with him once in a while, but she 'for some unknown reason' just doesn't like him. It's almost like she sees that he's bad for me, but doesn't know why.


How's things going your way KC? Better than the other day I hope?

 

[xxkcxx]

Yeah, weight lifted off my shoulders for sure.

However, I'm in the same situation as you with going back and forth, forth and back with the dope.

I don't have a SO right now, but I'm living a lie with just about everyone in my life as they all think I am clean. The thing is, I'd really like to talk to the one friend I have about the relapse and why it happened and the struggles I am having to get clean again, but I think she will just get upset and finally say screw this junkie. Because honestly, if you aren't an addict, you don't understand why someone will continue to go back to the activity that caused them to lose everything worldly, go to jail, almost die, etc. I mean, really, it doesn't make sense.

 

[junctionalfunkie]

Just relapsed after 8 months clean.

First shot should have killed me. Severely misjudged dose & absence of tolerance. Woke up 6 hours later on the kitchen floor. I must have passed out on top of the cigarette I was smoking at the time, because I have a burn across my forehead. 8) Nice.

I'm so dehydrated.

 

[eon_blue]

Just relapsed after 8 months clean.

First shot should have killed me. Severely misjudged dose & absence of tolerance. Woke up 6 hours later on the kitchen floor. I must have passed out on top of the cigarette I was smoking at the time, because I have a burn across my forehead. 8) Nice.

I'm so dehydrated.

Fuck man, be careful.

I just got a text from someone I knew in rehab the other day that this other dude we knew from there OD'ed and died. We really take for granted how fragile life is and how quickly it can be taken away from us. The people we leave behind. The rest of life we miss out on.

You were lucky you woke up, many make the same mistakes and pass out on their kitchen floors and it's the last thing they ever do. Be careful man.

 

[drug_wench]

JF, im so sorry to hear that
but u shud still b proud of urself for 8 months clean - and clean time means fuck all IMO, as long as ur trying to stay clean
its if ur not trying that uve got a real problem IMO
pick up where u left off and forget wat happened - its no big deal
i relapsed after 15 odd months off opiates and i was fucking bummed but ive moved on now
suboxone maintenance is amazing - i never thought thered b a time (since i started on valium which for some reason rekindled my opiate cravings) id end up not craving heroin but.....im not
i crave the needle and i shoot sterile water....at first it was daily but this last week or so ive only shot up maybe evry second day
some ppl wudnt agree this is ideal - i dont think its ideal, but im slowly weaning myself off the needle that way
im honest with my methadone counsellor about it (subs rare for maintenance in NZ so i hav to go thru a methadone counsellor tho i do daily pick-ups at the chemist, thank god since i hate the methadone clinic.....a lot of dealers hang round trying to sell drugs to the clients and its just a kind of dodgy place)
my counsellor tests me regularly to make sure im not abusing my subs and using
all i come up positive for is (legitimate) benzos and THC, and surprisingly they dont mind me using a bit of pot since im honest about it
so far ive had no desire to abuse my suboxone - i know i cud skip a dose and use but its just not worth it......ive come too far
it helps being immersed in my hobbies esp my horse-riding (im having dressage lessons atm so were working on a new challenge and i hav an endurance competition tomorrow so wish me luck!) and having my new bf who i met at detox and is as determined as me to stay clean (DOC=alcohol)
suboxone also seems to hav lightened my mood almost like an antidepressant
normally wen i get out of detox i come out very depressed - this time im a lot more positive
i dont plan to stay on it forever - as my counsellor said, i will know wen its time to wean off it (probly once ive weaned off the valium)
the outpatient program i attend is magnificent - ive made lots of friends who i identify with.....lots of ppl there on opioid maintenance (mainly methadone but one other on subs)
to all the rest of u - it can b done
oneday i hope all of us can come to this thread and say 'hey im clean'
at least were all trying to some degree eh!

 

[junctionalfunkie]

Thanks, eon, and dw. It's not a mistake I plan to repeat anytime soon. It was available and I was bored.

 

[InTherapy82]

I want to use when I'm clean and I want to be clean when I'm using. It's fuckin' terrible.

Thats an awesome way to put it. That exactly how I felt when I was using.


I've been clean for months now, thanx to my husband for going through it with me, my mom who will accept me when I relapse but it makes her day when I don't use and she helps me out tremendously like pays for sub therapy and just makes sure I have food and stuff. Definitely don't want to disappoint them. I would have to go behind my SO's back in order to use as hes so adamantly against it now. I wouldn't want to risk losing his trust and him being all sad about the situation. I just stay away from dope now completely and it has brought me nothing but good things so far.

Long term dope changes you in ways you don't even notice. And it doesn't change you for the better. It always changes you for the worse.

Now that I've been clean for quite some time I still think about this.

 

[LONELYFM]

DAMM PENGUIN I KNOW THE FEELIN I'VE HAD SEVERAL F-ED-UP VISITS TO MY SPOT BUT WE JUST KEEP GOING BACK DON'T WE. CRAZY,CRAZY,CRAZY

 

[xxkcxx]

suboxone also seems to hav lightened my mood almost like an antidepressant
normally wen i get out of detox i come out very depressed - this time im a lot more positive

Yes, Suboxone does lift the mood because it effects dopamine. Though it is not common, I've heard of doctors prescribing it off label as an anti-depressant.

I'm glad you are doing so well, wenchie!

 

[drug_wench]

thanks sweetie - that explains a lot actually
and how r u doing????

 

[midnight_toker08]

Today is day 1... again.

I relapsed this weekend. I was a week clean from 80mg/day of OC for a month and a half. This will be the first time I do it with little suboxone.

Back in September I broke my habit of 500mg/day OC for 3 years. I've used suboxone to taper down till I was not using at all through October-November. But in December I relapsed for a month and a half. I went 5 days and then used again Friday night and Saturday morning.

The only times I use is when I go back to my hometown or I get someone to bring me something from there. Right now I'm attending college and living close to campus instead of back home where all my hook ups are.

I hope to eventually quit for good but I've been having a hard time living sober. I can get clean with suboxone but soon after I find myself with the burning desire to use and not just the physical w/d's anymore. I've been struggling with opiates for 3-4 years but only started attempting to taper down and not use any more in the past year when I moved.

Anyways I'm almost through day 1. Took a quarter of suboxone(day one is always worst for me because i fiend on day one) and I have a half to take tomorrow because I have classes. After that I'm going to be with out anything which I haven't done in some time. I'm hoping the w/d's wont be so bad because i've tapered way off and been through alot worse.

But I was wondering how long does it usually take for most people to get through withdrawals? It varies for me depending on how long and how much i'm coming off of, but I really have a hard time escaping the depression after the physical withdrawals anyone have any suggestions or tips on getting over that and how long do most people deal with that?

 

[eon_blue]

Today is day 1... again.

I relapsed this weekend. I was a week clean from 80mg/day of OC for a month and a half. This will be the first time I do it with little suboxone.

Back in September I broke my habit of 500mg/day OC for 3 years. I've used suboxone to taper down till I was not using at all through October-November. But in December I relapsed for a month and a half. I went 5 days and then used again Friday night and Saturday morning.

The only times I use is when I go back to my hometown or I get someone to bring me something from there. Right now I'm attending college and living close to campus instead of back home where all my hook ups are.

I hope to eventually quit for good but I've been having a hard time living sober. I can get clean with suboxone but soon after I find myself with the burning desire to use and not just the physical w/d's anymore. I've been struggling with opiates for 3-4 years but only started attempting to taper down and not use any more in the past year when I moved.

Anyways I'm almost through day 1. Took a quarter of suboxone(day one is always worst for me because i fiend on day one) and I have a half to take tomorrow because I have classes. After that I'm going to be with out anything which I haven't done in some time. I'm hoping the w/d's wont be so bad because i've tapered way off and been through alot worse.

But I was wondering how long does it usually take for most people to get through withdrawals? It varies for me depending on how long and how much i'm coming off of, but I really have a hard time escaping the depression after the physical withdrawals anyone have any suggestions or tips on getting over that and how long do most people deal with that?

My best advice for dealing with the depression is to stay occupied. The absolute worst thing you can do to deal with the depression is to sit around not doing anything.

You mentioned that you're in school, so my biggest piece of advice would be to try your hardest to focus on your studies and doing whatever work you can to come out on top.

Aside from that, exercise exercise exercise. I know it's the last thing you feel motivated to do when in post acute withdrawals, but trust me, if you can somehow manage to drag yourself to a gym or outside for a jog/walk, you'll feel a hundred times better. Exercising causes the brain to release endorphins which is exactly what opiates do (to a much larger degree though, of course). So granted, it won't be the kind of "high" you're used to but it's better than nothing and hey, it's good for you

Hope this helps, good luck man

 

[xxkcxx]

The only times I use is when I go back to my hometown or I get someone to bring me something from there. Right now I'm attending college and living close to campus instead of back home where all my hook ups are.

I would really like to move far away--to the west coast preferably--to just gt myself out of this whole situation. I have a friend in Vegas who does little more than smoke weed and occasionally take some E if she comes across a decent hookup.

I mean, I know the stuff is EVERYWHERE basically, but if you are with people who aren't into it, 1) it is harder to find that connect, and 2) my friend knows about my dope habit and hates it, so she would definitely be pushing for me to do stuff that doesn't involve drugs, as opposed to my junkie friends who, when I am with them, all we do is go score and use.

 

[midnight_toker08]

Thanks for the advice guys.

Eon- Exercise is usually the hobby I pick up when I try to dry out. It does, indeed, make you feel better and it's healthy anyways. Just have to manage to make it to the point where I feel well enough to do some physical activity.
And I use school to keep me distracted as much as possible. Plus a little marijuana maintenance
School is hard to keep up with. I'm in college and have to keep my status as a full-time student(12+hrs) to keep my scholarships. There is a shit ton of work to do to stay caught up in my classes and it's just finding the energy to get to it that's the problem.

xxkcxx- The best thing I ever did to further my sobriety was getting away from it and from the people that are involved in it also. Right now I have limited my contact to my girlfriend, my best friend, and my parents. It's hard moving away, losing all your friends, and starting over again, but it was for the best. Usually within the first week or two of drying out, the depression stems from me feeling alone.
I have made quite a few new friends up here, but it doesn't feel the same. I have came to the conclusion it's just my body/brain trying to rationalize me going back home just to ''visit'' which I know what will happen once I go home.

It's been a constant struggle, everyday is another day fighting the good fight, but I feel like I can make something of myself if I just keep at it and don't give up hope. It's hard to remember what hope feels like when you are feeling as down as this, but I know it will get better. Just have to keep on living

So I'm already on day 2 and it isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be... yet. But I took 1-2mg of suboxone yesterday and I felt 10x better within the hour. Today I have 2mg to take also, but I think I might just take 1mg today and 1mg tomorrow. I didn't think so little suboxone would do me any good but apperntly it has. It makes me feel better doing it with little suboxone too, we'll see how I feel as the day progresses though

 

[firesilverlullaby]

my friends have been injecting white powder with a slight tan tent, but they have not been filtering it.
How bad is this? what should i stay to convince them to atleast use cotton?

 

[WaRMacHiNe]

we all live the same lives even tho alot of us have never met...its crazy use, wd,use,wd!!!