Heroin/Opioid MEGA-Thread: Junkies check-in here!

[-Guido-]

Fuck those cocksuckers at the Pharmacies. With there fucking fake smiles and judgmental looks.

 

[jaroben]

it's pretty annoying. but, what is there to do?

i went to a local pharmacy before i went to the one at walgreens, and the pharmacist there was pretty helpful. they only had 27 gauge syringes in, and said he'd be happy to order some for me.

maybe it is just a walgreens thing. being an asshole is a prerequisite to work there.

 

[Carl Landrover]

I can't fucking stop...

Didn't you try suboxone not long ago and feel pretty good off of it?

Maybe you can get prescribed it so you can get away from dope for a while?



I feel a lot better than I did about 2 hours ago. Hopefully I can taper off of sub quick and get some normalcy to return in my life.

 

[-Guido-]

Yeah. I need to do something... Honestly I could give a shit about myself, but I want to stop so my family doesn't need to worry or hurt anymore over me, I want to make them proud. I also want my girlfriend to not be dating a junkie. If she ever found out I still use, it would crush her. I love her so much bro, more than anything, she told me a while ago that she knew from the beginning I used to be a full time junkie, but she told me one day it never bothered her, because the past is the past, I don't want to disappoint her. I am using in moderation, but sometimes I binge, and I'm afraid I might slip back into a horrible routine. I just used today, and I feel like such a fucking weakling. I want to be normal, I just want to feel normal, I want to be happy so much but I'm getting so fucking tired of it, I'm getting so tired of trying... Its got me to the point of wanting to kill myself, but what sucks is I can't do that, it would kill my girlfreind and devastate my family and friends. Sometimes I think about them all disappearing so I could just get it over with...

I wish I had my life together, it would be easier. I could get a place and have her come live with me. She takes the pain away. But that ain't going to happen, because the good Lord fucking hates me and nothing ever goes my way. I'm sorry I'm rambling, I'm just really fucking high right now and really confused about life. I don't know why, the last few days have been good, they have been great. I had the best NYE ever, a great night with my girl 3 days ago, and a nice night out with my friends. I don't know whats wrong with me and I don't know how to fix it. In a few hours I will feel good again, and it will last until I start feeling bad for no reason again. I dunno why that happens. I'm always up and I'm always down, like a roller coaster of shit, be it with drugs or without. Its really starting to drive me fucking nuts.

 

[Carl Landrover]

I feel a lot better than I did about 2 hours ago. Hopefully I can taper off of sub quick and get some normalcy to return in my life.

Prior to the last few weeks, where I used daily, I had been on dope for a few days -> sick for a few days -> normal for a day -> then back on dope, so I didn't feel like suboxone was needed.

Now I feel kind of stupid for not using it sooner. I hate getting off of sub, which I think is why I was so reluctant, but I feel a lot better right now. It was so nice not to have to blow anything today or find 2 hours to pick up my boy and drive to the city.


I feel ashamed that it's once again come to this, but what's done is done at this point. I really hope I've learned my lesson regarding dope. I get a happy high the first day or 2, but after that it makes me depressed and it's not long until my health starts to deteriorate.

I hope I can get my life on track soon. Then I have to figure out what keeps making me go back to dope.

 

[panic in paradise]

dude, CG, ive been or was a chipper for...... 12 years, the thing that really got to me was my family, as you said.

fuck those dealers, all they are doing is taking your money and having fun, while you and yours suffer.

you know?

 

[-Guido-]

I was a chipper for a while to, then I became a full blown junkie, I actually made the conscious decision to do so, and now I'm a chipper again. Every time I cop and stick that needle in my arm, I know what I'm doing is wrong, and I think about my family and girlfriend, and every time I push that plunger down I ask them to forgive me.

And then I end up doing it again a few days later, maybe a week later, but I always end up doing it again. This time though, I feel even more bad about it, because I did some serious thinking about my heroin usage when I rolled on NYE. I can't be doing this shit anymore. I always said its better to self destruct than acquiesce, but in actuality I am submitting to the poison and it feels bad man. So who the fuck have I been fooling...?

 

[Carl Landrover]

Yeah. I need to do something... Honestly I could give a shit about myself, but I want to stop so my family doesn't need to worry or hurt anymore over me, I want to make them proud. I also want my girlfriend to not be dating a junkie. If she ever found out I still use, it would crush her. I love her so much bro, more than anything, she told me a while ago that she knew from the beginning I used to be a full time junkie, but she told me one day it never bothered her, because the past is the past, I don't want to disappoint her. I am using in moderation, but sometimes I binge, and I'm afraid I might slip back into a horrible routine. I just used today, and I feel like such a fucking weakling. I want to be normal, I just want to feel normal, I want to be happy so much but I'm getting so fucking tired of it, I'm getting so tired of trying... Its got me to the point of wanting to kill myself, but what sucks is I can't do that, it would kill my girlfreind and devastate my family and friends. Sometimes I think about them all disappearing so I could just get it over with...

I'm in a similar boat with my family and girlfriend.

She thinks I haven't used in over 2 years. It would hurt her so much if she found out otherwise. She's so sweet and caring, makes me sad that I lie to her in such a manner.


I really think suboxone could help you out. You might not even need much if you're not using daily. The normal feeling it gives is really quite amazing, especially (imo) at doses of 1mg or less. It really is a great anti-depressant too. It gets old after a while (I was on for a 14month period before), but it's a great tool to get yourself functioning again and to get away from dope for a while. Plus, it makes it so it's a pain to try and get high.

I mention it's better at low doses since I kind of feel like it can block endorphins and natural happiness as well, which is why I don't want to be on it long now. So great to feel 'normal' right now though. Get to let my nose and lungs heal up a bit!

 

[panic in paradise]

oh, dont get me wrong, ive been a full blowen addict im 6'5" and have weigher 139 lbs at one point, sick huh, but

fuck those dealers, all they are doing is taking your money and having fun, while you and yours suffer.

 

[-Guido-]

I'm in a similar boat with my family and girlfriend.

She thinks I haven't used in over 2 years. It would hurt her so much if she found out otherwise. She's so sweet and caring, makes me sad that I lie to her in such a manner.

It kills me bro, it really fucking kills me...

 

[-Guido-]

Thanks for listening guys. I always joke and hint about how I feel in The Lounge, but I rarely talk about my feelings in detail. I been trying hard to take down the walls I built up around myself and be more open. I feel a little better now that I got that shit off my chest.

 

[panic in paradise]

yeah, we have thee emo stigmatism, but... many of us have been through pure hell.

all we can do is hope to help, and relate.


Life Love & Laughter!

much love CG

 

[SKL]

I feel like Im heading down that slippery slope again. Copped a bundle, snorted it all over a week or so, treadin' light like, then copped another, snorted it all in a few days, copped another, and now i'm halfway thru it ... shooting ... I'm not yet physically strung out, but I'm starting to feel the pull something fierce. And this time I have a lot to loose. Good job ... the sort of job I definitely can't show up for high or dope sick ... and a woman who I'm really seriously trying to make a part of my life. I just recently came clean wither her about the fact that dope was a factor in my past but she does not know I am currently using. She's a drug user (mostly MDMA and a fwe other things) and is definitely down with my psychedelic use (it's sort of how we met) but I dunno ... I mean, who wants to be in a relationship with a junkie? Most of my friends are neutral towards it or users themselves ... I dunno. Luckily for me, though, as of right now it's still sort of a hassle for me to get dope, so I am somewhat able to set limits for myself. I just did a shot now and plan to do one before bed and then I'll save the rest of what I've got for the weekend and take a break. But, of course, this sounds exactlyl ike some junkie ass rationalization that I've said a thousand times ...

CG, you wanna talk bro? I think it'd be good. Maybe I'll give you a call later or try to find you on AIM...

 

[-Guido-]

I feel like Im heading down that slippery slope again. Copped a bundle, snorted it all over a week or so, treadin' light like, then copped another, snorted it all in a few days, copped another, and now i'm halfway thru it ... shooting ... I'm not yet physically strung out, but I'm starting to feel the pull something fierce. And this time I have a lot to loose. Good job ... the sort of job I definitely can't show up for high or dope sick ... and a woman who I'm really seriously trying to make a part of my life. I just recently came clean wither her about the fact that dope was a factor in my past but she does not know I am currently using. She's a drug user (mostly MDMA and a fwe other things) and is definitely down with my psychedelic use (it's sort of how we met) but I dunno ... I mean, who wants to be in a relationship with a junkie? Most of my friends are neutral towards it or users themselves ... I dunno. Luckily for me, though, as of right now it's still sort of a hassle for me to get dope, so I am somewhat able to set limits for myself. I just did a shot now and plan to do one before bed and then I'll save the rest of what I've got for the weekend and take a break. But, of course, this sounds exactlyl ike some junkie ass rationalization that I've said a thousand times ...

CG, you wanna talk bro? I think it'd be good. Maybe I'll give you a call later or try to find you on AIM...

Fuck. I thought I was all alone with this situation...

 

[xxkcxx]

So great to feel 'normal' right now though. Get to let my nose and lungs heal up a bit!

Does this mean you have stopped (for now at least)? Good for you and good luck!

I got my friend to pick me out 8, so I'm doing some today and some tomorrow, but I have probation meeting on Monday, so I wanna not use after Tuesday night. I will probably have something left over though, so I will be continuing after the appointment.

At least I'll be done for 5 days *shrug*

 

[Carl Landrover]

Does this mean you have stopped (for now at least)? Good for you and good luck!

Eh, I guess. I'm taking suboxone, so I have to get off that still.

I just want to build up some time away from H.

Granted I didn't use much last night, but within 9 hours after my last use I was already drenched in sweat, yawning, starting to feel achy, so I figured I might as well use sub cause no way was I going to go CT now.


I think I mainly need time to get things back on track. I'm really ashamed of how bad I got again and how close I've come to losing important people/aspects in my life.

 

[xxkcxx]

Eh, I guess. I'm taking suboxone, so I have to get off that still.

I just want to build up some time away from H.

Granted I didn't use much last night, but within 9 hours after my last use I was already drenched in sweat, yawning, starting to feel achy, so I figured I might as well use sub cause no way was I going to go CT now.


I think I mainly need time to get things back on track. I'm really ashamed of how bad I got again and how close I've come to losing important people/aspects in my life.

I don't feel like using subs to come off means you are still using. You are are actively taking steps not to.

Sorry, but one of my pet peeves are people who don't understand addiction (especially heroin) saying that you are still actively seeking drugs and are not clean if you are on suboxone (or even methadone, but ESPECIALLY subs). That is what the nurses and doctor in jail told me, the doctor at the state mental health hospital, my parents, etc.


Anyway, I'm sitting here high as fuck and thinking to myself:

I remember when I had no idea what good dope was. I thought that it was just supposed to sedate me and I should take it and fall asleep.

Boy am I glad I learned. I am tired, but not overwhelmingly, and I feel SO FUCKING GOOD that I don't want to stay awake forever if it means keeping this feeling.

I love this shit way too much.

 

[xxkcxx]

Guys I need help.

These blows I got where a fucking surprise and way way purer than I've ever gotten. i did too many and I am oot m mindas shit.

Any methods to come down a bit and sorta fast. My boss could be her sometime soon...

 

[imnotapharmacist]

Sit back, enjoy the ride, and hope you don't die. Your boss doesn't know anything you don't tell him/her. Just make up some stupid excuse about how you've been feeling kinda sick and you had troubles sleeping last night, so you feel like shit and you're tired. As far as coming down... good luck.

 

[Carl Landrover]

Sit back, enjoy the ride, and hope you don't die. Your boss doesn't know anything you don't tell him/her. Just make up some stupid excuse about how you've been feeling kinda sick and you had troubles sleeping last night, so you feel like shit and you're tired. As far as coming down... good luck.

Correct, people only know what you tell them or let them know.

In my parents, girlfriend, and employers eyes I've had this blasted 'flu' for at least 2 months. I just don't know what's wrong with me. 8)