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Heroin/Opioid MEGA-Thread: Junkies check-in here!

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I'm in the anxious period awaiting WD.

I don't know if I'm going to take suboxone or not. I'd rather not, but I don't know if I can make it through it without taking anything.
 
jaroben said:
how long have you been using?
Click to expand...

Me?

I've been using on and off for over a month now.

My pattern has been use for a few days, WD, feel better, then binge again.


My last binge wasn't too bad, I think I overestimated it at first. I'm trying to get through without suboxone. I've been on either suboxone, dope, or oxy for a few years now.

I have a few weeks of sobriety at multiple times over the last few years, but it never sticks. I'm trying to get through the rest of the year without using anything...tomorrow will probably suck and majority of sunday, but I'm hoping to get through it dope/sub free.



xxkcxx said:
Well, I for one hope you don't.

Not to be really creepy and make you think that I sit around in everyday life and think about you, but you happened to respond to a couple threads I had responses in and I was thinking how much I like what you have to say.
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Haha, I actually noticed you as well. I just want to say thanks. I actually read this last night all doped up, but it made me bust out in tears so I didn't respond or read past that. :o

I think part of it is learning to appreciate myself, I always feel like I should be doing more for myself and everyone else. I always feel like I need to consume X drug to be sociable around someone when in reality, I'm actually pretty smooth/good normally. I think it's a problem with my perception of others or something, like I never feel like my efforts are good enough. I can NEVER, EVER truly accept compliments either, which is actually a HUGE problem.


Sorry for the long post, I'm just ranting now, but I've been thinking a lot and I think it's just a matter of being satisfied with myself. If I get a 99 on a test, I ask myself why didn't I get a 100? Even with perfection, I'm not entirely satisfied. :\ My main worry is that, I'll accomplish all that I want to, and still not feel satisfied. Easier to just get doped up and feel that way. :\
 
^i think those r the reasons why a lot of us turn to drugs
i also find it hard to appreciate myself, and while i can seem totally sociable and extroverted online i am actually really quite underconfident about myself
and wen i read compliments about myself on here i never fucking know wat to say.....cos i dont agree with them half the time so i just say 'thanks that made me feel gd' kind of thing
yet on smack im totally bold and cool
i dont like myself but thats more cos i know im hurting ppl i luv
but im suddenly confident and out-going and all that
it was the same with meth
as for the perfectionist bit, i always felt stupid cos im not the academic type and i spent half my time at school with teachers telling me i was lazy and stupid no matter how hard i tried....so i gave up and did drugs
seems the easier way doesnt it?
so i can relate to a lot of that, carl
 
Carl, Drug_wench, I think we three might be the same person somehow...I always feel the same way you guys talk about.

Other than weed, the first illegal drug I took was ecstasy and I thought "screw alcohol, this is courage in pill form!" I have continued to use drugs because I think I have a belief that it makes me more interesting.

But like you said Carl, I made it many years being quite extroverted and popular without drugs, but I never understood why. I can see why people like me while I am on drugs though. And the irony in that lies in the fact that most people DON'T like me when I am on drugs.

Does that make sense? I'm trying to say that People like me sober, but I don't see the appeal. I could understand why people would like me while I'm high, but they don't. It's weird.
 
So, I'm down to my last bag and I'm so torn between doing it now and saving it for tomorrow since I'm not gonna get anymore til Monday at the EARLIEST.

I'll probably end up doing it but not scraping the bag and saving that little bit for tomorrow. I didn't scrape one other one either. Still, I like being high at the end of the weekend.


Here is a question for you guys--I don't *think* it counts as pricing, but if it does, my mistake.

I'm carless right now, so a friend of mine has been picking up my dope for me. He also owed me a jab because I sold him my laptop for it. Anyway, he's paying me in increments, whenever he gets paid he'll give me two or three, but when I get money, I want to get the dope NOW cause I'm a junkie.

Anyway, since he goes for me using his car and his gas and usually without me so he'd take all the heat if he gets busted, I gotta give him something, ya know? I'm just wondering what you guys think is fair. He's gonna pick up 4 for me sometime soon and I was planning on just splitting them. I used to give him a lot more, like I would ALWAYS split it even if I got a full jab, but that was mainly because we were living together and it was more like being with a brother than just a dope friend.

So does 2 sound fair in most cases?

Oh, yeah, the drive is like 30 minutes minimum one way.
 
i wud personally say 2 wud b fair, but maybe add some gas money cos of those expenses as well
the problem with ppl like that is that u cant help but consider them friends cos they obviously know wat it feels like to hang out for the gear and go out of their way to help u score, yet in reality ive had to tell myself that anyone who aids my addiction isnt really a friend even if they dont mean to act like theyre not a real friend (thats not to put the guy down, kc, i know wen i was doing the same for ppl i thought i was doing it to b kind.....i guess i was just naive)
yea it sounds like uve got the same old self-esteem thing too
for the yr i was straight i made plenty of gd friends and they said i was so much nicer straight, yet its wen im high that i feel attractive and witty - like u, i liked E for that reason too.....and meth even more so
nowdays, unless im high i cant even stand to look at myself in the mirror
i think im ugly yet ppl tell me wen im off drugs im actually 'pretty' and 'cute'
all i know is that for that yr i was straight i got to the point, with help from my counsellor, where i cud look myself in the eye and tell myself i was worth more than a bag of crystals, powders, pills or tar
theres a reason why all of us start i guess - but we can get help to recover, even if were never quite the same again (i guess thats why theres the term 'recovering addict' rather than 'recovered addict')
btw i finished off the last of my last bag today too
its ridiculous - i know im going into detox in 2 days but ive got to get more tomorrow - i dont know if i want to feel sick like that for even a day......and its like ive got to insert the needle just a few more times before i let go for gd.....
may 2009 b a better yr for all of us
 
xxkcxx said:
So, I'm down to my last bag and I'm so torn between doing it now and saving it for tomorrow since I'm not gonna get anymore til Monday at the EARLIEST.

I'll probably end up doing it but not scraping the bag and saving that little bit for tomorrow. I didn't scrape one other one either. Still, I like being high at the end of the weekend.


Here is a question for you guys--I don't *think* it counts as pricing, but if it does, my mistake.

I'm carless right now, so a friend of mine has been picking up my dope for me. He also owed me a jab because I sold him my laptop for it. Anyway, he's paying me in increments, whenever he gets paid he'll give me two or three, but when I get money, I want to get the dope NOW cause I'm a junkie.

Anyway, since he goes for me using his car and his gas and usually without me so he'd take all the heat if he gets busted, I gotta give him something, ya know? I'm just wondering what you guys think is fair. He's gonna pick up 4 for me sometime soon and I was planning on just splitting them. I used to give him a lot more, like I would ALWAYS split it even if I got a full jab, but that was mainly because we were living together and it was more like being with a brother than just a dope friend.

So does 2 sound fair in most cases?

Oh, yeah, the drive is like 30 minutes minimum one way.
Click to expand...


2 seems pretty fair.

Dope boy does something similar and did over the summer. Since he doesn't have a car now and I do (exact opposite of summer situation), he only charges a bag. It is his connects we're going through (which is actually a good thing, although pricier for me), but it's still costly.



I feel what you said in the other post about me, you, and DW, sharing a lot of the same thought processes. It's nice to know others are going through the same struggles, however unfortunate they may be.

Hopefully in another month we'll look back at these posts with a sober viewpoint and be working towards getting away from this damn dopefiend behaviour. We're fuckin' up at the same time, maybe we could get clean at the same time? ;) :) <3 %)
 
It is really hard on my self-esteem to hang out with junkies too because I never know how much of the friendship is based on the drugs and how much is real.

I would love to hang out with you two though!
 
Good day ladies and gentlemen, wazzz crackin??

I'd like to ask a couple of question about heroin.
Yesterday was my second time with mother H and altho I snorted even less than my first time, I got higher and the high was coupled by two new and unfamiliar effects un-shown before.
I had mad motormouth. I mean seriously, ritalin tweaked out kind of motormouth. It was awesome but still unlike somthing heroin would do. And also I was on weed, 400mg tramadol and a couple of beers. I dont think it's the tramadol cuz the motormouth only started when I took some H.
Another effect is being stimulated, unlike the first time I could only sit or lie down.

Is this normal? is heroin really this awesome?
 
Carl Landrover said:
Hopefully in another month we'll look back at these posts with a sober viewpoint and be working towards getting away from this damn dopefiend behaviour. We're fuckin' up at the same time, maybe we could get clean at the same time? ;) :) <3 %)
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amen!
id like to meet the pair of u as well, but i wudnt b allowed into ur country with my stinking drug convictions :X
DXM - to answer ur question.....wat colour was the heroin u got? consistency? did ur dealer refer to it as 'fine china' or something along those lines?
cos ive always used black tar heroin in the past and its always just made me nod
but this 'fine china' stuff thats suddenly bn appearing in auckland that ive bn blessed with getting into and getting hooked on amazingly fast seems to hav a diffrent effect on me
wen it first hits me i nod for about 15 mins.....hard
then suddenly i start to come around and i find myself getting all talkative and amazingly confident and sociable....id describe it as calm but energetic
im on dexamphetamine as well but that usually just makes me feel normal, besides i use codeine and PPT as well and those make me mildly sedate if anything compared to the smack
oxycodone does the same thing to me but without the immense rush that comes with heroin
and yes, heroin really is 'that amazing' - my caution: leave it alone while ur ahead
 
Dxmmonster said:
Good day ladies and gentlemen, wazzz crackin??

I'd like to ask a couple of question about heroin.
Yesterday was my second time with mother H and altho I snorted even less than my first time, I got higher and the high was coupled by two new and unfamiliar effects un-shown before.
I had mad motormouth. I mean seriously, ritalin tweaked out kind of motormouth. It was awesome but still unlike somthing heroin would do. And also I was on weed, 400mg tramadol and a couple of beers. I dont think it's the tramadol cuz the motormouth only started when I took some H.
Another effect is being stimulated, unlike the first time I could only sit or lie down.

Is this normal? is heroin really this awesome?
Click to expand...


One guy I knew would get so bugged out/energetic/talkative when he was smacked out. It was beyond any kind of increased social talkativeness though. This was constant, practically senseless rambling.
 
I just got back from the shops buying nytol, solpadiene and immodium) and my parents just confronted me about being an addict. So i crumbled and said "yeah i am" and thats it, i cried abit mostly about being such a dissappointment to them. Again. BUt they were like fuck that we just wanna help etc.

I tried to quit oxy/h a few times in the last months and got so far then relapsed but i havent been able to get H and so my oxy use went mental, (3 x 56 10mg scripts in 3 weeks) and now here i am. I do want to stop and get back to a normal life and it stopped being fun and just became a total durden really. So i'm glad it happened.

All the best to everyone

PS: i wanna get high so bad its untrue
 
I've been pretty good lately. Using dope maybe twice every three weeks over the past couple of months. Got a bit the other night and trying to exercise responsibility with it, but of course now it's just starin me in the face. Ah well. I have tried hard to avoid acquiring a consistent hookup and am trying to make it difficult for myself to get dope, cause I know if I could pick it up in my neighborhood (which I easily could if I put the effort into it) it would be all downhill from there. It's a hassle for me to get it and I am trying to keep it that way. Also tryin to avoid the needle, just tootin' the stuff.

So the question is:


Is this post all just rationalizations to relapse?

Or have I found a little smidgen of balance?
 
I know for me, I've hit that point of no easy return to normalcy.

I was clean for almost 90 days, then used 1-2 bags a day a couple times (maybe 3?) over the past month.

I used everyday last weekend, and now everyday this weekend. I have $40 in my pocket that will go toward dope tomorrow.

At that point, it will be the end of my money for awhile, but I know it is not going to be the end of my fiending, so I don't know what terrible things I am going to think of to get my fix then.

It's that saddness that comes when you know you are on your last bag or even last 2 or 3 bags because you know that it is almost over.

And when it's over, well, there is nothing worse.
 
^ are you kicking or do you HAVE the kicks?

Cause the latter would suck balls hardcore...worst part of wds. :p :|
 
so I only have about 30 pills left and I'm quitting, because I have no more access to any. I'm scared shitless :(
 
join the gang, ashley26, i definitely know that scared feeling
im going into detox tomorrow!
ive bn shooting up all day like theres no H left on the planet
surprised i havnt fucking overdosed or something :\
gd luck <3
 
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