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Heroin makes me happy

yubacity said:
I call heroin addiction slavery to the drug to me thats what it is it comes before everything . Even though i functioned and got lucky going into a business with my cousin i missed so much of my kids growing up .

During my first child my wife was in labor I was getting the anxiety of the need to smoke some brown told her I'm going to the hospital canteen to get some sandwiches i going to my car i had just started my nearly 2 decades on it . I smoked some and nodded then fell asleep. As my wife walking around her delivery suite she looked out the window to the car park and saw me asleep . Saturdays she would take the kids out to the stores would i go like fuck i thought it the perfect opportunity to smoke gear in peace . My kids have seen me nodding .. Taking kids out for the day would first think about where i could do the gear . M y eldest is 16 now and they well at school had good home life well mannered and great not down to me my wife did that all i did was bring in the money to run house .

My wife, we been going out since sophomores in high school and she has had my back through the crank coke heroin pregabalin addictions . I have tried to get clean lasted a month max so now on maintenance and I'm settled its working but the guilt the missed years i never get them back . My daughter told me this is what she feels about me that she glad i am her dad its a tear jerker for me .
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That made me understand more, thanks for sharing. It definitely seems like a fucked up slavery. Good that you left those chains behind for good.
axe battler said:
He was probably rattling. It used to king of shock me how much of an obstinate cunt I could be when cornered, especially in withdrawal .
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Oh well probably it was that. The opiate rage or similar mind-altering side effects that wasn't too habitual and anyway it was much less intensity . It was more like ringing the doorbell 100 times in the middle of the night so he could get 10-20€ lend from me or my mom. So yeah that was totally withdrawal-relieving energy lol.

Or behaving in a animalistic or emotional manipulatory way before you giving it those 10-20€ and then afterwards after smoking being a completely different person where 'everything is cool-ok, lets go watch a movie, play ping pong' etc like nothing had happened
 
yubacity said:
After being coked up for last few days which is great but not better than being on brown just chilled out not frustrating yourself trying to knock one out all night or just chatting shit
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Yeah that's the reason why I always prefer downers over stimulants. Stims start out nice but then turn into something very stressful with recurring, intrusive, obsessive thoughts and you begin to regret starting the binge, while opioids are just...mellow. Everything is so rosy and nice on opioids, but stims eventually turn into this:
 
yubacity said:
I know what you mean thats the worse i done really apart when 16 i would deal crank to the illegal indian workers who worked in the peach orchards in yuba city they fucked about with the money once . They would keep a lot of money under mattresses in their trailer so when they at work checked their window and stole the wallets .

I was lucky the business and my lorry driving left me plenty to not have to rob or borrow to get heroin . But ill be honest i would have robbed my grandma to keep wds away i, just being honest
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Same here.
I never really had to rob & steal for my opioids.
My mom always had a pain pill script each month that she didn't use.
And my heroin dealer loved me for some reason & would just pop on over with shit every other week.
I also had friends who would go through my dealer to get heroin & then of course they'd share a little with me as well. lol
Eventually I got on bupe, so I always had that to help too, until eventually I lost all my connects.
I had it good though, for many, many, many years. My mom had that pain pill script for 10+ years.

This isn't to say I didn't have desperate moments or horrendous withdrawals at times. But even during withdrawal I had the inclination to think "gee, if I rob or steal from anyone or anything, i'll go to jail, which will just make me feel worse, so it's not really worth it". I always lived in smaller towns, so fucking anybody over would have travelled pretty damn quick anyway.

I did steal cough syrup from the store once when I was like 28 years old tho. I couldn't stand existing & was on a DXM binge & brazenly went up into the store, tore open the package & took the bottle & walked out like nothing. And was arrested for it the next morning while still tripping. lol
 
Hexenstahl said:
Yeah that's the reason why I always prefer downers over stimulants. Stims start out nice but then turn into something very stressful with recurring, intrusive, obsessive thoughts and you begin to regret starting the binge, while opioids are just...mellow. Everything is so rosy and nice on opioids, but stims eventually turn into this:
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I said it on here many times heroin saved my marriage before heroin in the states I was on crank cheating loads came to UK to get away from crank got on the coke carried on out for nights on end cheating bringing money home buts that's all dealing to mates and other passengers who i would meet driving taxi to keep me in coke . Until after a 4 day binge on coke it was dry everywhere one dealer said he has not got coke until the afternoon why don't we have a boot to help with the comedown? I was hooked and loved it thought i hadf the ultimate answer to my problem could get coked up all day and go home smoke some gear and sleep at home . Also it stopped me doing coke why have that mental headfuck when i was just happy smoking some brown and watching tv with family plus it stopped me from being a horny fucker no more cheating. All was fine until months later thought i won't do no heroin this weekend and that first rattle scared the shit out of me thought I'm fucked
 
DeathIndustrial88 said:
Same here.
I never really had to rob & steal for my opioids.
My mom always had a pain pill script each month that she didn't use.
And my heroin dealer loved me for some reason & would just pop on over with shit every other week.
I also had friends who would go through my dealer to get heroin & then of course they'd share a little with me as well. lol
Eventually I got on bupe, so I always had that to help too, until eventually I lost all my connects.
I had it good though, for many, many, many years. My mom had that pain pill script for 10+ years.

This isn't to say I didn't have desperate moments or horrendous withdrawals at times. But even during withdrawal I had the inclination to think "gee, if I rob or steal from anyone or anything, i'll go to jail, which will just make me feel worse, so it's not really worth it". I always lived in smaller towns, so fucking anybody over would have travelled pretty damn quick anyway.

I did steal cough syrup from the store once when I was like 28 years old tho. I couldn't stand existing & was on a DXM binge & brazenly went up into the store, tore open the package & took the bottle & walked out like nothing. And was arrested for it the next morning while still tripping. lol
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Thats how i feel how lucky i was with the business the lorry money was for my heroin that's the only reason i carried on after our business took off . I thought if i not on gear i would not have carried on driving lorry so I'm not taking out of my wife and kids pockets . I always apart from 2 years when my dealer best mate locked up had at least a weeks worth of brown and enough raw opium and pods to last a month . I could think of nothing worse then having to go through wds in prison or waking up feeling shit and having to rob while feeling like that just to feel normal .

Only those 2 years out of nearly 20 did i have to deal with shit dealers always fucking you about dodgy gear and clucking while waiting for the muggy cunts to turn up
 
pill princess said:
Relate so much to this! Like, I can’t seem to get off it for more than a day even though I want to. Makes life seem boring without it. Mindfuck heroin is!
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It's not just heroin. People feel the same way about alcohol or weed or coke. A large part of developing an addiction is a process of forgetting how to tolerate life or find it rewarding when not under the influence. A major part of getting yourself un-addicted is finding ways of re-learning just that.
 
axe battler said:
Used to think like you @yubacity , if I work like fuck, I can get high all day one gear and be fine, extra motivated to work and with plenty of cash for brown. Didn't quite work like that, tho! Not for me anyway. They idea of a coke taxi would bring in the cash tho, I'm sure. There's loads of them at it.
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I have never worked without drugs when i got kicked out of continuation in states at 18 i went straight on the artic lorries or tractor trailer if in states i could only drive within my state California because i had to be 21 to drive 48 . I would snort cank and drive 4 5 days straight bringing back fruit from LA fruit markets to northern California . When my addiction caused me to fall asleep with a full 80 000 pound load i with my wife came to UK where i was born and lived as a kid and my Oldmans brother and cousin were . Got my taxi licence and drove that while i went through the categories to get my HGV . During a coke session my cousin had idea for starting a catering business for punjabi and indian weddings and functions he had idea i had 60 000 pounds left after i had paid deposit i said yes next day thinking fuck no discussed with my wife but i given him my word she went ballistic but its made us rich But i still drove lorry while i would smoke heroin before work drink pods at work to keep wds away i was the most chilled out happy person they loved me in the office . A work ethic was beaten into us by the old man when 12 me and my brothers never slept on weekend we were woke at 6 taken to his trucking yard i would was company truck my older brothers would move trailers with trailer jockey and at 13 i did the same at 16 i would illegally drive truck on weekends taking the empty trailers back to union pacific yard in stockton while on crank. A work ethic and workers rights how to treat your employees well never think your better then anyone only thing that good the old cunt gave us the rest was being beaten to a pulp by a war vet para trooper who knew how to hurt the fucking cunt
 
I forgot to add the soundtrack of opioids after the stim one:


See? It's like night and day compared to stims. You're riding smoothly on a pink cloud, with warm love endowed . Sorrows? What are sorrows? Everything is fine, for paradise shall be thine. The world is innocent again, for pain existed only back then. The golden age of peace and plenty dawns inside you, where wolf and sheep become friends out of the blue. More profound thou love art, than an angel's heart. Melting even the coldest scarred soul of a misanthrope, and replacing it with one full of hope.

Opioids always turn me into a poet. It's a magical substance. It doesn't feel like a drug at all. It feels like it's opening up a side within me that I never knew even existed and that I have no access to when sober. It truly feels like the golden age that Hesiod mentioned in his "Works and Days", only that it's internal instead of external.
 
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Hexenstahl said:
I forgot to add the soundtrack of opioids after the stim one:


See? It's like night and day compared to stims. You're riding smoothly on a pink cloud, with warm love endowed . Sorrows? What are sorrows? Everything is fine, for paradise shall be thine. The world is innocent again, for pain existed only back then. The golden age of peace and plenty dawns inside you, where wolf and sheep become friends out of the blue. More profound thou love art, than an angel's heart. Melting even the coldest scarred soul of a misanthrope, and replacing it with one full of hope.

Opioids always turn me into a poet. It's a magical substance. It doesn't feel like a drug at all. It feels like it's opening up a side within me that I never knew even existed and that I have no access to when sober. It truly feels like the golden age of Hesiod, only that it's internal instead of external.
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Can totally relate.
Although I knew the "side" existed in me, it always seemed easier to access & more enjoyable while under the influence of opioids.
I could listen to music for hours & hours on heroin & never feel bored..
Now a days I'm lucky if I can even find any pleasure from music at all, which use to be my favorite hobby.
I always found very deranged repetitive industrial noise looped music incredibly trance-inducing on opioids. Was very pleasurable & made me feel more "artsy".

Hard to explain since it's so subjective, but yeah.
 
DeathIndustrial88 said:
Can totally relate.
Although I knew the "side" existed in me, it always seemed easier to access & more enjoyable while under the influence of opioids.
I could listen to music for hours & hours on heroin & never feel bored..
Now a days I'm lucky if I can even find any pleasure from music at all, which use to be my favorite hobby.
I always found very deranged repetitive industrial noise looped music incredibly trance-inducing on opioids. Was very pleasurable & made me feel more "artsy".

Hard to explain since it's so subjective, but yeah.
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I know what you mean. I don't even need to listen to music to enjoy opioids. I just snort a line in the evening, turn off the lights, go under my comfy lamb fur blanket and have these beautiful, romantic, lovey-dovey fantasies. Another effect I love about opioids is that when tolerance is low, eating food becomes incredibly enjoyable. It actually makes me hungry. It's not like the frantic weed munchies where you desperately look for something to eat, but instead you become something like a connoisseur, take your time in preparing something delicious and really enjoy every bite of it. I love eating avocados sliced into bite-sized pieces, mixed with lemon juice and seasalt. Sometimes a few, good old Landjägerwurst (I'd love to share those with americans, they have no idea what they are missing) from the local butcher with some good Schnitzel and Sauerkraut, and then to round it all of, I eat some lovely pomegranate. I never understood why people say they can't eat while on opioids. This substance really enhances the eating experience. It's half the fun of opioids. Then when you're full, you take another line, go to bed and have some wonderful nodding fantasies.

Addendum:
I wish all of humanity would feel like this all the time. We'd have no wars, no ill will and cruelty in this world. Everyone would be completely content all the time.
 
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Just so people know - some fentanyl analogues have a higher Ki than naloxone so ERs are having to give people 2-3x as much so that it's competing for the mu (opioid) receptors.

Things like sufentanil, carfentanil and etorphine are not reversed by naloxone and require diprenorphine which is itself not very safe.

I think JJC put it best - 'first it's fun, then it's not, then it's hell'.
 
TheUltimateFixx said:
Absolutely.

Better still would be legal, pure diamorphine from a specialist drug shop run by staff with pharmacy training.
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I looked into this but as things stand, because only the UK used diamorphine the prices for the dry-amps is crazy. Just check out the BNF:

BNF is only available in the UK

The NICE British National Formulary (BNF) site is only available to users in the UK (England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland)
bnf.nice.org.uk bnf.nice.org.uk

£42.50 for 100mg...
 
Fertile said:
I looked into this but as things stand, because only the UK used diamorphine the prices for the dry-amps is crazy. Just check out the BNF:

BNF is only available in the UK

The NICE British National Formulary (BNF) site is only available to users in the UK (England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland)
bnf.nice.org.uk bnf.nice.org.uk

£42.50 for 100mg...
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It's not the diamorphine substitute programmes currently only available to a handful of heroin users that I'm talking about. (basically you don't get accepted for one of these until you've been nearly dead in the gutter ; the acceptance criteria more or less stipulate you have to be an incurable piece of human refuse before they'll take you.)

I'm talking about a model of drug legalization that was proposed by a group of doctors awhile ago (back in the 80s) in my country. ALL commonly used substances should be produced and distributed under a state monopoly. No advertising. Instead accurate info on the action of the specific drug in question, possible dangers or contra-indications, what's a safe beginner's dose etc.
 
I think the problem is that their is no such thing as a totally safe drug. Even quite modest things like nitrazepam can cause severe liver injury in a small proportion of people. So a doctor will look at all the data they have on you to decide the risk to you personally.

I can totally see your point - I'm just playing devil's advocate.
 
Hexenstahl said:
I know what you mean. I don't even need to listen to music to enjoy opioids. I just snort a line in the evening, turn off the lights, go under my comfy lamb fur blanket and have these beautiful, romantic, lovey-dovey fantasies. Another effect I love about opioids is that when tolerance is low, eating food becomes incredibly enjoyable. It actually makes me hungry. It's not like the frantic weed munchies where you desperately look for something to eat, but instead you become something like a connoisseur, take your time in preparing something delicious and really enjoy every bite of it. I love eating avocados sliced into bite-sized pieces, mixed with lemon juice and seasalt. Sometimes a few, good old Landjägerwurst (I'd love to share those with americans, they have no idea what they are missing) from the local butcher with some good Schnitzel and Sauerkraut, and then to round it all of, I eat some lovely pomegranate. I never understood why people say they can't eat while on opioids. This substance really enhances the eating experience. It's half the fun of opioids. Then when you're full, you take another line, go to bed and have some wonderful nodding fantasies.

Addendum:
I wish all of humanity would feel like this all the time. We'd have no wars, no ill will and cruelty in this world. Everyone would be completely content all the time.
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I get both effects actually.
I tend to lose my appetite during the acute phases of opioid intoxication. Some times for many hours.
But eventually you do sorta get your desire for food back & the preparing it aspect & the entire ritual can feel like a beautiful time.
I guess it can depend on the opioid too. I was never hungry on tramadol really, but with buprenorphine however I do get some what of some "munchies" after the first 2hrs.
It's funny cause I was gonna say in my last comment about how if everyone would just take opioids, we could maybe find world peace. But I decided against it & tried to keep my comment short. And then you practically say the same thing in this comment. lol :p

It's true though. I feel like I'm at peace on a good opioid honestly.
 
Hexenstahl said:
I know what you mean. I don't even need to listen to music to enjoy opioids. I just snort a line in the evening, turn off the lights, go under my comfy lamb fur blanket and have these beautiful, romantic, lovey-dovey fantasies. Another effect I love about opioids is that when tolerance is low, eating food becomes incredibly enjoyable. It actually makes me hungry. It's not like the frantic weed munchies where you desperately look for something to eat, but instead you become something like a connoisseur, take your time in preparing something delicious and really enjoy every bite of it. I love eating avocados sliced into bite-sized pieces, mixed with lemon juice and seasalt. Sometimes a few, good old Landjägerwurst (I'd love to share those with americans, they have no idea what they are missing) from the local butcher with some good Schnitzel and Sauerkraut, and then to round it all of, I eat some lovely pomegranate. I never understood why people say they can't eat while on opioids. This substance really enhances the eating experience. It's half the fun of opioids. Then when you're full, you take another line, go to bed and have some wonderful nodding fantasies.

Addendum:
I wish all of humanity would feel like this all the time. We'd have no wars, no ill will and cruelty in this world. Everyone would be completely content all the time.
Click to expand...
this

When I take opiate at home I fix myself dinner and its the only times I don't eat the food ferociously and super fast, I eat it more consciously, savouring every bite, without the rush or compulsion when I am sober :(
 
DeathIndustrial88 said:
Can totally relate.
Although I knew the "side" existed in me, it always seemed easier to access & more enjoyable while under the influence of opioids.
I could listen to music for hours & hours on heroin & never feel bored..
Now a days I'm lucky if I can even find any pleasure from music at all, which use to be my favorite hobby.
I always found very deranged repetitive industrial noise looped music incredibly trance-inducing on opioids. Was very pleasurable & made me feel more "artsy".

Hard to explain since it's so subjective, but yeah.
Click to expand...
I can sort of relate to that. At first when I used heroin I'd love listening to music, but then as it killed off my feelings and the euphoria went due to tolerance, I kind of lost interest in listening to music a bit.
Then when I'd be in withdrawal, music would be incredible!
Now I've been off it a while, and stabilised on methadone I can enjoy it again. You'll get back into it, I'm sure! Maybe you're music taste has gotten a lot better now you're off the shit. Check out the music threads for inspiration.
 
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