Ohhhh, so this is what Heroin is supposed to be like. Duh. That other stuff I didn't enjoy. I don't know, it was probably just super shitty. It was underwhelming. I don't even remember getting a nod. I had Opana for the past 5 days and that was awesome but I finished it so I needed something to taper with so I thought it would be a good idea to get some heroin but I didn't realize it would be this great. I've done a little over 1 bag. And I have to be good by Monday... shit. I wish I had the money for a bundle of this shit... fucking great... Along with some marijuana, benzos and an antihistamine... Fantastic.
Even the drip tastes similar to oxy... it's fantastic... it's all brown and chunky and I wish I had more Xanax... why be sad? You can get Heroin! This is fantastic. I want to do everything pleasurable in the world right now, but I can't do anything besides sit in my chair. Wow. I am floored. How can I go back to oxy after this experience? Maybe the hellish withdrawals will stop me.
I ended up getting some money so I bought 2 bags of heroin. I think he overcharged me but whatever, let him get a kick too, whatever...
Yay, heroin. I don't give a FUCK about ANYTHING except to say IT'S AWESOME because everything is awesome... I can't think of a single thing that wouldn't be awesome right now except withdrawals.
Hurt now or hurt later.
I am choosing to hurt later. Obviously. It will come back to bite me in the ass as it usually does... bah.
Today, the same day I got my court case closed, my neighbor across the hall was evicted. All of his stuff was taken out of his apartment and thrown on the curb for the sanitation department to get rid of. He did have some weird shit. He had a couple of guitars and tons of books. (We jokingly called him the Grim Reader because his demeanor was very... sullen and he would read a lot outside. He'd always be muttering to himself about God knows what and he always smelled pretty bad and wore creepy trench coats no matter the weather and had a very looming manner in his presence...
So yeah, that could have been US but it wasn't. It freaked me the fuck out honestly and I'm happy I know I have a place to live until March 31st. Then I need to make it a priority to pay the rent first thing every month before I spend anything on drugs. (Haha, stupid addict, when will you learn?)
So yes I have a lot of shit to sort out, my head being first. I'm getting a tax refund soon so I'm going to buy a futon and get the dogs' shots and then it's pretty much going to drugs. My last binge, really, because I need to get my shit together. And yet I doubt myself and my ability to be able to get my shit together. Sigh. I guess we'll see.
I want to wait to post this because I already have a blog entry on the front page but I just had to get this out, so please excuse me if this is getting a little redundant. I just like being able to get my thoughts out. I used to journal in notebooks a lot but I always did that when I was out of my apartment. Like at school or on the subway or on a lunch break at work but I find I can only write if certain circumstances are met and I don't feel that they're met right now. Sometimes I like to write with pen and paper but I'll nod out and write gibberish... ridiculous stuff, really.
I wanna smoke another cigarette and more marijuana and maybe drink some whiskey but I am pushing it already with the benzos, opiates, marijuana and antihistamines... Don't need to add alcohol to the mix. Some cocaine would be fantastic though! Jesus! My brain would wilt... not that it hasn't already...
I put a tiny flower I picked from a tree into my neighbor's mailbox... I wonder what he will think. (This is a different neighbor, not the evicted one.) I just wanted to brighten up someone's day. Randomly. I dunno why I chose him. Probably because I am high on heroin...
I know no one will read this but toodles!
Even the drip tastes similar to oxy... it's fantastic... it's all brown and chunky and I wish I had more Xanax... why be sad? You can get Heroin! This is fantastic. I want to do everything pleasurable in the world right now, but I can't do anything besides sit in my chair. Wow. I am floored. How can I go back to oxy after this experience? Maybe the hellish withdrawals will stop me.
I ended up getting some money so I bought 2 bags of heroin. I think he overcharged me but whatever, let him get a kick too, whatever...
Yay, heroin. I don't give a FUCK about ANYTHING except to say IT'S AWESOME because everything is awesome... I can't think of a single thing that wouldn't be awesome right now except withdrawals.
Hurt now or hurt later.
I am choosing to hurt later. Obviously. It will come back to bite me in the ass as it usually does... bah.
Today, the same day I got my court case closed, my neighbor across the hall was evicted. All of his stuff was taken out of his apartment and thrown on the curb for the sanitation department to get rid of. He did have some weird shit. He had a couple of guitars and tons of books. (We jokingly called him the Grim Reader because his demeanor was very... sullen and he would read a lot outside. He'd always be muttering to himself about God knows what and he always smelled pretty bad and wore creepy trench coats no matter the weather and had a very looming manner in his presence...
So yeah, that could have been US but it wasn't. It freaked me the fuck out honestly and I'm happy I know I have a place to live until March 31st. Then I need to make it a priority to pay the rent first thing every month before I spend anything on drugs. (Haha, stupid addict, when will you learn?)
So yes I have a lot of shit to sort out, my head being first. I'm getting a tax refund soon so I'm going to buy a futon and get the dogs' shots and then it's pretty much going to drugs. My last binge, really, because I need to get my shit together. And yet I doubt myself and my ability to be able to get my shit together. Sigh. I guess we'll see.
I want to wait to post this because I already have a blog entry on the front page but I just had to get this out, so please excuse me if this is getting a little redundant. I just like being able to get my thoughts out. I used to journal in notebooks a lot but I always did that when I was out of my apartment. Like at school or on the subway or on a lunch break at work but I find I can only write if certain circumstances are met and I don't feel that they're met right now. Sometimes I like to write with pen and paper but I'll nod out and write gibberish... ridiculous stuff, really.
I wanna smoke another cigarette and more marijuana and maybe drink some whiskey but I am pushing it already with the benzos, opiates, marijuana and antihistamines... Don't need to add alcohol to the mix. Some cocaine would be fantastic though! Jesus! My brain would wilt... not that it hasn't already...
I put a tiny flower I picked from a tree into my neighbor's mailbox... I wonder what he will think. (This is a different neighbor, not the evicted one.) I just wanted to brighten up someone's day. Randomly. I dunno why I chose him. Probably because I am high on heroin...
I know no one will read this but toodles!
