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Heroin Forever

thuglife111 said:
I want to be high on heroin because it makes me perform in bed. It makes me great around people. It makes me sleep like a baby. It makes me not feel sick when i have a cold. It makes me not depressed about the dullness of the world. I'm naturally a nihilist, and heroin makes me feel like life is worth living. It makes me WANT to achieve great things. It MOTIVATES me to do things to better myself. I don't just get high and sleep all day. I get high and go about my day like superman. I love it.

But because it costs so much money, it ruins my life. If food cost $100 dollars every time you ate, guess what, you would be robbing and stealing to survive too.

If dope was prescribed, life would be fine.
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I'm 28 and I completely agree with you man. I just went and got on Methadone myself since it's the next best thing. Maybe you can that a try
 
opis reduce natural testosterone production. lots of men complain of difficulties achieving and maintaining erections after long term opi use. I'm getting my levels checked next week as I still feel subpar.
 
Don't try and solve your problems though other prescription drugs. Their are multiple people I have heard of and some even I have known that went though drug Indosed hypnosis with a psychiatrist and got fit of all of their anxiety. Some peoe are just Bowen with it I have it too. I have found that drugs make it allot worse but I still love getting high. Good luck on your taper. Xanax will solve the problem when your on it but will only make the problem worse over long term. Why not try meditating and self none drug Indosed hypnosis I've never tried it but sounds legit. I just love to meditate for an hour every now and then
 
Serotonin101 said:
opis reduce natural testosterone production. lots of men complain of difficulties achieving and maintaining erections after long term opi use. I'm getting my levels checked next week as I still feel subpar.
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Some people also have lower levels of endogenous pain-suppressing chemicals. I'm betting this is one of the many reasons why exercise helps so much.
 
teological said:
Why don't they legalise drugs? I am sober right now off of opiates and have been for almost two months because of a planned tolerance break. I don't feel any better. Yeah, I am sober, so what? Fuck money, fuck your capitalistic/consumerisitc greedy lifestyle you bastards in the government and stop controlling substances. Go stare at your 10000inch tvs and have fun earning money and enforcing the rest of the populace into slavery you dog scumbags. Without the poor there can be no rich, why don't you tell that to the public you scumbags. Fuck you and your mortgage(jail debt) you banking dogs. Let us simple people have our substances, give us our opiates and let us have them without stigma, so people like me and OP can be truly happy.
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i couldnt have said this better.

People tell me, don't you want to have a family? A house? A nice life with people who love you and not lose everything? Don't you want to be happy?

What is everything? My parents who will die eventually, and probably soon too. Cuz that's the way things go.
What is everything? A woman in my life who will eventually become my wife and suck me dry of all i worked for in an effort for me to be "happy" ?
What is everything? A big house? Fuck that i just need a room the size of a bathroom as long as i have a roof over me I DONT CARE!!
What is everything? Gorging myself with fattening and additive-filled foods that we all eat?
What is everything? A good job? As i said, that's just as much a false sense of accomplishment and happiness as drugs are!
What is everything? Money? That is such a disgusting thought. Money makes everyone break their backs for SHIT. It's a capitalistic onslaught.
What is everything?

Everything to me, is just fucking having a goddamn peace of mind!!!! Why can't I have my heroin? It's not FAIR!!!!


Fuck all the girls, the money, the job, the pride, the BULLSHIT that everyone goes through day to day to PRETEND as though they are happy!!

I JUST WANT HEROIN GOD PLEASE!!! And i don't want to have to trade my whole life in for it. WHy can't it just be legal for me to use?

I dream of it every night... and now i'm told not to do it... that's like being told i can never eat an apple again;... and i love apples.

It's so fucked up why doesn't my family understand? why don't people have sympathy for us dope fiends? I HATE LIFE I WANT TO DIE WITHOUT HEROIN
 
teological said:
Drug use is selfish no doubt, but then again so is everything else. Above all, earning money is the most selfish.
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Agreed.

Money and everything else is just as greedy. And the fact that my family and friends don't want me using the only thing that makes me happy is selfish on their part cuz they want me a certain way that is not fulfilling to me...

I miss withdrawing and shitting my brains out and feeling like i want to die... know why? Because at least i could be assured that one day i would get dope again and it would all be ok..

but now, i have nothing but empty hopes for the future...

such sadness... such depression
 
However, on a positive note, i have stopped the subs.

I signed up to a gym and i've been working out a few days a week. I can admit that it DOES make me feel better. And heck, i even get an endorphin high and i swear it feels almost like a low-dose opiate high! It's pretty uplifting. Makes me feel better.

But then later on or on the next day, i just feel shitty again. And i gotta go to the gym again to not feel depressed.

Cuz when i go home, all i have left is the thoughts in my head that never cease to torment me. The anxiety, the thoughts of how my life has become so shitty and worthless. I hate my position in life and it's going to take so much work to get to where i want to be and i have no ambition to get there i just want heroin.

I hate my life. I just want heroin i'm so mad
 
I'm 1 month clean... and if anything, i want it MORE than EVER!!! i've been through so much... stopping was such an ordeal... i don't want to waste all the time i spent trying to recover and just go and do H again...


But god i can't help it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i NEED IT!!!
 
Nib said:
I'm 28 and I completely agree with you man. I just went and got on Methadone myself since it's the next best thing. Maybe you can that a try
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Thanks for understanding man. Is a methadone program costly? I was thinking about it too. But i heard that methadone withdrawal is hell and i don't want that.

I. JUST. WANT. DOPE. IN. MY. BLOODSTREAM. NOW.
 
^ Chill man, go get some pussy or smoke some weed or something instead
You got a month, make it through this next one and you'll start feeling naturally good again and the cravings should subside eventually especially if you keep your mind and body busy
 
Bill said:
^ Chill man, go get some pussy or smoke some weed or something instead
You got a month, make it through this next one and you'll start feeling naturally good again and the cravings should subside eventually especially if you keep your mind and body busy
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This is another thing that contributes to my sadness. I have a kinda long distance relationship with a girl i met in college. Her dad died recently too. So i've always been loyal to her and its rough cuz we haven't done it in months... since she only feels comfortable in privacy to do it. Which is fine by me. I have a lady as a girlfriend, not a slut girl who will fuck anywhere at anytime. SO me not being with her while i live an hour and a half away with no car SUCKS COCK. There are a lot of circumstances that wont allow us to see each other frequently.... so it's tough.

I smoke weed every day of my life. Since i stopped dope, i have been smoking constantly. And honestly, it makes me more depressed if i overuse it.
So now i just reserve it for before bed. So i can get stoned and just pass out and wake up refreshed. As opposed to smoking mid-day and getting burnt out then being lazy all the rest of the day lol.

everyone keeps telling me the cravings will pass if i let them... WTF is that though? How can i "let them" go away? Im going to give it more time like you said. But if this doesnt go away in a few months, i'm gonna relinquish my soul to heroin forever. Because i just can't deal with this pain forever.
 
thuglife111 said:
everyone keeps telling me the cravings will pass if i let them... WTF is that though? How can i "let them" go away? Im going to give it more time like you said. But if this doesnt go away in a few months, i'm gonna relinquish my soul to heroin forever. Because i just can't deal with this pain forever.
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you've gotta want to quit more than you want to use, once you're ok with the idea of life without drugs you're kind of "letting them go" them being the drug itself and the life style and the whole obsessing in your head the thought of using
so let the cravings pass, and try to be ok with the idea of not using.
 
dude your not done. Do yourself a favor a get loaded, and stop torturing yourself. Go hit your bottom. suck adick for some money. commit an armed robbery and go to prison. sometimes that's what it takes. I'm starting to think that's what iI need.
 
Amen serotonin everything y said was right on!! Don't all us drug addicts wish we could be prescribed our DOC!!!for a while our lives would be great it seems but trust me we're drug addicts we would screw that up!! Lol
Serotonin101 said:
op, ive been where you are. I lived through it. I wrote a suicide thread. I went to jail, I stole, I lied, been to treatment, pawned off my belongings, lost a full ride scholarship, got debts, and I'm on drug court til march. you have a lot of these "if" situations. you need to accept reality cuz these "ifs" simply aren't. you're not gonna get scripted diamorphine, you're not gonna live an enjoyable life using (you don't even iv yet so you haven't even gotten to see how bad things can get), you're not gonna be satisfied. the point being is that life is indeed mundane for the most part, things don't go our way, we gotta work to get money to enjoy ourselves, and basically its illegal to be a drug addict for the most part. a bottle of roxis a month would do nothing for me along with the rest of us junkies. get real. face your reality. after all this is real life not the drug induced haze. its pretty much get clean or die. you're choice. and saying "you're not gonna overdose" is both ignorant and outright stupid. ill look for your "bluelight shrine" thread if you wanna continue to use. or the "help I'm going to jail" thread. and yes I am being callous and cold but that's just the truth. goodluck. I think all the advice that could be given has been said already.

PS~ I'm almost 22, been clean for almost a year, and have over 30 "fallouts". all accidental without benzos or other downers in my body.
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thuglife111 said:
Thanks for understanding man. Is a methadone program costly? I was thinking about it too. But i heard that methadone withdrawal is hell and i don't want that.

I. JUST. WANT. DOPE. IN. MY. BLOODSTREAM. NOW.
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From Jay-Z and Beyonce '03 Bonnie & Clyde: the chorus(modified)-----> All I need in this life of sin, is me and my HEROIN!!!(Girlfriend)
 
I was in rehab they gave me those exact meds, plus clonidine. I used h for the exact reason and I have always had anxiety just like you said. and here I thought I was the only one. I am also on sub but hhave taken my last dose forever today. im kickin this bitch and doing the damned thang. if not, the dope will always be there as a friend once said. but I feel for you boss. just never give up. the alternative is much more bleak. The doorway to hell is locked from the inside.-neistche(sp?)
 
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