• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

Heroin Forever

I'm telling ya, even with money out of the picture, this isn't the route to go. Someday, somewhere along the line it sours.

It might sound like a simple fix: Just take a break/withdrawal but unless you have an ever-growing supply you will be hitting that wall sooner and sooner.
 
I can sure ID with you man, I'm 44 and have been using heroin off and on since I was 18. I feel like I'll never stop using...been in detox around 20 times, MMT six times, haven't gone the suboxone way cuz I know I'll end up selling most of them for dope. Right now I'm in dire straights, no money comin in, pawned all my stuff and my dealer debt is maxed. I have a sub put away for the last resort. I really can't get myself into the "just kick" mindset and when I do I'm a wreck...restless, anxious, mind's racing on how to get $$ for my next hit. I feel the only way I'll quit is if I'm locked up for a few years, but I'm not going to make an effort to get myself arrested...that's crazy, besides I've only been arrested once in my life for possession of one measly bag...I'm simply not a criminal minded addict I've always worked for my habit. I saw a program awhile ago on TV about a couple over in the U.K. who were on a program where they went to the doctor and he writes out a script for heroin (liquid form for injection) that they would pick up at the pharmacy....Wish they had that here in the states but you know that's not gonna happen!!! My opinion is you should just kick...you're young enough to start life new and make a better life for yourself. Take it from an old junkie, just stop now...
 
RaZkaL86 said:
I can sure ID with you man, I'm 44 and have been using heroin off and on since I was 18. I feel like I'll never stop using...been in detox around 20 times, MMT six times, haven't gone the suboxone way cuz I know I'll end up selling most of them for dope. Right now I'm in dire straights, no money comin in, pawned all my stuff and my dealer debt is maxed. I have a sub put away for the last resort. I really can't get myself into the "just kick" mindset and when I do I'm a wreck...restless, anxious, mind's racing on how to get $$ for my next hit. I feel the only way I'll quit is if I'm locked up for a few years, but I'm not going to make an effort to get myself arrested...that's crazy, besides I've only been arrested once in my life for possession of one measly bag...I'm simply not a criminal minded addict I've always worked for my habit. I saw a program awhile ago on TV about a couple over in the U.K. who were on a program where they went to the doctor and he writes out a script for heroin (liquid form for injection) that they would pick up at the pharmacy....Wish they had that here in the states but you know that's not gonna happen!!! My opinion is you should just kick...you're young enough to start life new and make a better life for yourself. Take it from an old junkie, just stop now...
Click to expand...

Been clean since i started the suboxone. But the other day i knew i had an old bag somewhere with some heroin residue. I emptied it out, found a straw with some residue around the inside, and in an attempt to get a little bit more, i sniffed it all up with water to get every last bit.

Turns out, there was barely anything in it. Not even enough for a urine sample basically. Completely waste of time. But my mind was so hell bent on getting one more... ughh it's unbearable!!! I just woke up from a very vivid dream about me getting heroin and sniffing it... and then i feel great. And then i wake up, rush to my wallet, where i used to keep my bundle, and frantically try to pull a bag out... and all i have is debit cards with no money on them and an empty wallet. Because my parents take every bit of money i work for.

I've been having these dreams where i get heroin EVERY SINGLE NIGHT since i've stopped. I wake up in such a depressed and anxious mood... god i just want to get some dope again. It's not fair. Everyone else in the world gets to feel fulfilled when they finally obtain their dreams... well, my dream is to get heroin and sniff it. And feel how i always wanted to feel... Now this terrible, tear jerking, miserable, hopeless void is still poking at my chest. God help me. I'm about to break down in tears because all i want is some heroin for gods sake!!!!!! this isn't fair to me. why god why.
 
Man, having relapsed BAD recently, I can relate to what you're saying. Nothing in life compares to heroin right now in your mind. And listen to me, right now I feel the same way. If I didn't have to pass a drug test tomorrow, I'd be nodding right now probably. But I felt this way before and got clean. It wasn't pretty, but I got well over 100 days a few times in a row over the past year. What I can say is the NEED goes away after about a month. Sure, the dreams continue and the cravings are there, but you at least feel separated enough from it that you can rationalize with yourself not now, or use tomorrow, or you can understand how heroin would get in the way of goals, especially those involving money, and that it's not smart to go back. But those first 30 days, or however many it takes you, can be agonizing. I am not looking forward to trying to live "hour by hour" for the next month. But I know what happens if I keep using, and that is withdrawal and having to do bad things to get money. Neither of those I want to do, and the more times I relapse hard, the more convincing it is becoming that I can never "chip" or use recreationally.

In your case, you might need to move far away from heroin, so that it is not possible to get it and you have to adapt to life without. I don't know if this is realistic for you, though. If there is a will, there's a way. It might be really difficult, and the difficult ways are the ones that bring collateral damage to your life real fast. But you will get high if there is a way, and you gotta eliminate the way if you can't eliminate the will.
 
choices man. you made a choice to start, make a choice to better your life and stop.. you will not be sad for a year, you don't know how long it will go on. just take it one day at a time dude. and youve gotta turn your outlook on life around, somehow. start painting, walking, and trying to enjoy life. drugs suck man, its a false sence of pride and well being, the drugs will wear off sometime! and if you get really high, get ready to get really low! if you go up, you gotta go down. fact of life.

good luck
 
I got a stomach ulcer. From all the Tylenol and shit that easing all the pills I was taking, after rehab I went to the doctor n told him that was probably the reason I am having ulcers, I am only 20, and she denied me my Xanax. I have been on is for a out 4 years, so it was and still is not having it. Before I got cut off, I was getting prescribed 60 1mg Xanax a month and not having it is horrible because u actually need that.. I tried to explain to her that I'm an opiate addict.. Not Xanax.
 
ChinaWhiteHeroin said:
I got a stomach ulcer. From all the Tylenol and shit that easing all the pills I was taking, after rehab I went to the doctor n told him that was probably the reason I am having ulcers, I am only 20, and she denied me my Xanax. I have been on is for a out 4 years, so it was and still is not having it. Before I got cut off, I was getting prescribed 60 1mg Xanax a month and not having it is horrible because u actually need that.. I tried to explain to her that I'm an opiate addict.. Not Xanax.
Click to expand...
cold water extract Pleeeease!!! for the sake of your liver, stomach, and other vital organs.
 
thuglife111 said:
The only reason a problem ever presented itself was because i had to pay for drugs and blow my paycheck, and then when i ran out, i had to steal. So those two things were the downfall. If i had an endless stream of drugs from the doctor for virtually nothing, then i would never experience withdrawal and never have to spend hundreds of dollars on drugs. Therefore i'd never have to lie and steal. And i wouldn't overdose because i know when doing too much is too much. But even if i did, then that's my fault. Who cares?! My family and friends. That's it. But i wouldn't overdose. Cuz i never have. Even at the worst of my addiction i never overdosed. And i was doing opiates including heroin everyday for years. And i never injected cuz i know that's the barrier i never wanted to cross.

Why should i have to battle this the rest of my life? It's fuckin stupid. Just gimme drugs lol. The fact that i have to live with the reality that i can never use drugs again is dreadful. I want relief for god's sake.

I would be able to lead a very normal and happy life if i knew i could get heroin guilt-free and not at the cost of a lot of money and lying to everyone.
Click to expand...

Do you really think that if you had endless supply of drugs you'd spend responsibly on them? You really think that if there was no turning off the heroin spout, you wouldn't over extend yourself and spend far beyond what you "need" in order to chase a high?

If that were the case, you wouldn't be here now making this post unfortunately. That quite frank is really fucking far from the "only problem

I'm no different. Shit don't you think i'd love to be on opanas every day for the rest of my life? But even if a doctor prescribed it for me the fact of the matter is that is far from an ideal situation.

You gotta work on shit so that you can feel even a little comfortable in your own skin. Cliched but true. Or find a healthy addiction. I've been playing a lot of video games lately. An addiction sure but infinitely more healthy than heroin, and much cheaper too considering a lot are free now a days. Good time sink, just like dope was.

Hardest shit I've ever done in my entire life. And i'm still working at it nearly 9 months off of the dope. But this is just life man. This is how many people live their lives who don't use drugs. You think every person who never touched dope is unconditionally happy too? Life can suck man, but now we gotta deal with it without dope.
 
Dope addicts* it's just strength beyond strength dude. Gotta fight it. I'm fighting it now I'm an insomniac and shit I fight with alcohol and opiates. Just gotta keep at it. It's all in your head bro! But I'm not saying you don't have anxiety cause that shits horrible but if you keep telling yourself drugs will help they will if you fight it then that helps and in the long run helps more.
 
Why don't they legalise drugs? I am sober right now off of opiates and have been for almost two months because of a planned tolerance break. I don't feel any better. Yeah, I am sober, so what? Fuck money, fuck your capitalistic/consumerisitc greedy lifestyle you bastards in the government and stop controlling substances. Go stare at your 10000inch tvs and have fun earning money and enforcing the rest of the populace into slavery you dog scumbags. Without the poor there can be no rich, why don't you tell that to the public you scumbags. Fuck you and your mortgage(jail debt) you banking dogs. Let us simple people have our substances, give us our opiates and let us have them without stigma, so people like me and OP can be truly happy.
 
teological said:
Why don't they legalise drugs? I am sober right now off of opiates and have been for almost two months because of a planned tolerance break. I don't feel any better. Yeah, I am sober, so what? Fuck money, fuck your capitalistic/consumerisitc greedy lifestyle you bastards in the government and stop controlling substances. Go stare at your 10000inch tvs and have fun earning money and enforcing the rest of the populace into slavery you dog scumbags. Without the poor there can be no rich, why don't you tell that to the public you scumbags. Fuck you and your mortgage(jail debt) you banking dogs. Let us simple people have our substances, give us our opiates and let us have them without stigma, so people like me and OP can be truly happy.
Click to expand...
I once believed the way you do. my rationale was that drugs in effect put a monetary value on a priceless feeling. the thing is that this idea is not based in reality. eventually the money does run out, eventually consequences do come to light and life gets hard, very hard. I still believe in this idea that drugs do provide a fantastic feelings, but at what potential cost?
 
For those of us that can't control our impulses and use, the cost is ultimate.

Counter-point: I can't control my drinking, but most people can. I'm not out to ban alcohol.

thuglife111 said:
So my question is, why isn't it allowed to prescribe heroin for heroin addicts? Like, if they just monitored it like they do the suboxone, my life would be perfect. If they just gave me the same dose over-time and monitored it properly, I could have the ultimate relief I've always wanted. Tolerance would rise, yes, but it does with suboxone as well... that's what i'm saying, they could adjust it every time and properly administer it so i couldn't abuse or do too much. Eventually they would taper me off so my tolerance could go down, then start it up again . Why not? It's the same thing as using suboxone for any amount of time.
Click to expand...
Heroin is regulated and prescribed to addicts in a handful of 1st world countries in Europe, or perhaps only a couple so far. My memory isn't that great, but Switzerland and the UK come to mind.
 
DexterMeth said:
For those of us that can't control our impulses and use, the cost is ultimate.

Counter-point: I can't control my drinking, but most people can. I'm not out to ban alcohol.
Click to expand...
very true. I'm not saying that legalizing all drugs would not be a fantastic idea. I'm saying instead of trying to change the world for oneself, sometimes we gotta change ourselves for the world around us as changing the world in this magnitude is unrealistic and will almost certainly lead to disappointment.
 
done. thanks for heads up boss. didnt even think about that. title of the thread had me thinking this was drug culture. whoops.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top