DeleriaTrigger
Bluelighter
Yeah ok...i know this is kinda long.... but i'm a writer at heart i can't help but go into details 
Read it if you want, skim it, whatever floats your boat 
I called up a friend looking to get OCs after a really trying week. While discussing picking up an 80mg pill or a couple 20s to make the weekend more enjoyable after week-from-hell said friend made a suggestion, which I found intriguing. Around here oxy is annoyingly expensive (at least from my sources), so he suggested that maybe I’d like to save a little money and just buy a couple bags of H instead. Seeing this as fiscally responsible (and, I admit, being curious since I’ve never had H presented as an option to me before) I took him up on this offer.
I’m neither what you’d call an “experienced” opiate user, nor a complete beginner. I’ve taken painkillers a dozen or so times over the past year-and-a-half. Probably about as often in the year before that. I save my usage (normally oxy if I can get it, hydrocodone/percocet if I can’t) for those wake up early, work a million hours a day, everything that can go wrong does go wrong, want to tear your hair out of your head or just curl up and disappear weeks. Like this one. As such my tolerance is pretty minimal.
So, anyway, my friend picked up my money (I was thrilled to be shelling out less than I’d planned on) picked up the stuff, and dropped it off to me around 8:30 PM…. I was just opening the bag, inspecting the kind of sandy/off-white colored powder, pretty excited for a new experience when my ex called to remind me I’d promised to pick him up at a train station an hour away at 1 AM (Thanksgiving break and all)
Typical.
Grudgingly, I folded the little wax paper bag stamped with Total Shitface (to my amusement) back up and shoved it in my dresser. I don’t know about you, but for me waiting to do a drug that’s right there infront of me is one of the most maddening things I can begin to conceive of. I just kept taking the little bag out of the drawer periodically and inspecting it as if I could glean some kind of insight from looking at it. Finally 12 rolled around and off I went to Stamford.
2:27 Am and I finally get home. I change into pajamas, pour the grainy substance onto my makeup mirror and break it in up into two lines, figuring I’ll blow the first one and then see if I need more. (My source told me to do the whole bag at once, but he’s a bit more experienced with opiates than I, and I always prefer to start small and work my way up)
15 minutes later I feel a subtle warmth (now I know what people mean when they say ‘glow’) creeping into me. The chill I had been feeling from the lovely 25 degree temperature outside is gone, but more than that its like an amber feeling pervading into some core region that isn’t normally touched. My eyes feel heavy, and though I was definitly worn out from 4 and a half hours of driving, it’s a different kind of heaviness. I light a cigarette trying to get the taste (which I do not find pleasant at all) out of my mouth. I helps a little I think.
20 minutes since the first line and I feel mildly messed up. Definitly not balls to the walls shit faced, just sort of warm, slightly euphoric and rather detatched. I decide to wait 5 minutes then I will blow half of the remaining line.
I do as planned. That warmth is still with me and ( don’t know whether this is a normal thing or a freak me-only-thing) my fingers feel a little tingly. I feel totally calm and light, like I could space out and just stare at my wall and be perfectly content doing just that. As an added benefit my knee which had been aching like a bitch from the cold for days suddenly feels good as knew.
2:48: I’m definitly high. Silly little things suddenly seem to thoroughly appease me. Taking my hair down and letting it spill over my shoulders is suddenly quite the charming, freeing experience. I feel a little bit itchy, but then I’ve always gotten bad itches from opiates and considering the mildness of the sensation it could just be a self-fulfilling prophecy that I think I should be itchy, hence I am. Its nothing bothersome or intolerable. Infact, I feel like right about now nothing could be bothersome or intolerable. I get up and check myself out in my mirror. Classic pinpoint pupils and a little bleary eyed. Walking isn’t an issue or anything, though I do feel like moving quickly is entirely overrated and a slow amble is all that I can muster.
I love how I feel like time can pass while I do nothing and this is exactly the way it should be. I feel thoroughly fulfilled lyingin my bed, occasionally glancing at my laptop but mostly just lying there. Just an overwhelming spacy sensation of “its all good”
I put some VNV nation softly on my stereo. Its lulling and I feel like I could just drift away into the music
3 AM and I feel really nice and messed up. Oddly my heartbeat seems quicker than normal, but I suspect I’m just a little jittery about doing a new drug for the first time. I’m not particularly worried about it, its something that tends to happen to me every time I try a new substance. My eyelids are very heavy and I have a very mild headache, but no nausea and I seem to have forgotten to think about being itchy and hence no longer am. I decide I need to get some new lighting in this room (flourescent lights may be energy efficient and long lasted but they Always seem to bug me when I’m high on anything.)
3:15 and the lighting is still really bugging me so I decide to watch a movie. I kill the lights and throw Tristan and Isolde on because it’s a visually pleasing movie. Getting up to alter the volume (lost remotes suck) I suddenly realize I’m definitely a little unsteady on my feet. I don’t fall over but I have to stabilize myself before I pick my way across the dark room.
I have a bit of trouble visually focussing on the movie. My eyes seem to want to close of there own accord (though I’m not particularly tired), and I just let them do it because the sensation is overwhelming. Occasionally they feel almost as if they are trying to roll back in my head if I try to focus too hard on the screen. I still feel warm and detatched and generally in a state of total calm
4:15 I’m awake but drifting in between conciousness and a lucid-dream like state. Euphoria (and itchiness) seem to come in waves and my bed feels so soft it could just swallow me up. It’s a great feeling. The movie has gotten a little too chaotic and intense to handle, so I turn it off and allow myself to just zone out in bed.I smoke a few cigarettes (Someone once told me nicotine dulls opiate effects…. Never having done opiates without smoking I’m curious if this is true, can anyone validate that?)
I spend the next couple hours (I didn’t really keep track of time) awake but not really here… It was actually damn near impossible to differentiate between what was going on in real life and what was just my thoughts, whether minutes passed by or hours, but I didn’t try particularly hard to keep track either, it didn’t really seem to matter.
Now, this is something I find odd that has happened to me with every opiate I’ve ever done in a substantial quantity… and seems to be exactly the opposite with other people. It is always towards the end of an opiate trip, when I’m starting to come down that all the negative effects kick in… Then suddenly bam I get super itchy and my stomach starts to churn. Most people I know say they get nauseous at the beginning… never me. For a while this time I honestly thought that, unlike with oxy which always no matter how little I do makes me terribly nauseous towards the end, maybe heroin was different and this wouldn’t happen. Nope. 7 AM sends me rushing for my garbage can.
Overall I found the experience pretty fantastic. Apparently at some point I got a little vicious with my scratching because when I woke up my right shoulder and the right side of my ribcage were branded with some nice red burning welts inflicted by my fingernails (I should’ve had the foresight to cut them…. Long nail + opiates= bad news) and my stomach was less than content for most of the morning. I didn’t get an overabundance of legitimate “sleep” so for most of the day I felt kind of spacy and out of it, but likely getting less than 5 hours of sleep is as much to blame for that as the heroin. I actually enjoyed it more than Oxy, which is pleasing since its significantly cheaper. Next time the universe aligns against me (which hopefully won’t be for a few more months) I’ll definitly take this as my drug of choice to decompress.
Read it if you want, skim it, whatever floats your boat I called up a friend looking to get OCs after a really trying week. While discussing picking up an 80mg pill or a couple 20s to make the weekend more enjoyable after week-from-hell said friend made a suggestion, which I found intriguing. Around here oxy is annoyingly expensive (at least from my sources), so he suggested that maybe I’d like to save a little money and just buy a couple bags of H instead. Seeing this as fiscally responsible (and, I admit, being curious since I’ve never had H presented as an option to me before) I took him up on this offer.
I’m neither what you’d call an “experienced” opiate user, nor a complete beginner. I’ve taken painkillers a dozen or so times over the past year-and-a-half. Probably about as often in the year before that. I save my usage (normally oxy if I can get it, hydrocodone/percocet if I can’t) for those wake up early, work a million hours a day, everything that can go wrong does go wrong, want to tear your hair out of your head or just curl up and disappear weeks. Like this one. As such my tolerance is pretty minimal.
So, anyway, my friend picked up my money (I was thrilled to be shelling out less than I’d planned on) picked up the stuff, and dropped it off to me around 8:30 PM…. I was just opening the bag, inspecting the kind of sandy/off-white colored powder, pretty excited for a new experience when my ex called to remind me I’d promised to pick him up at a train station an hour away at 1 AM (Thanksgiving break and all)
Typical.
Grudgingly, I folded the little wax paper bag stamped with Total Shitface (to my amusement) back up and shoved it in my dresser. I don’t know about you, but for me waiting to do a drug that’s right there infront of me is one of the most maddening things I can begin to conceive of. I just kept taking the little bag out of the drawer periodically and inspecting it as if I could glean some kind of insight from looking at it. Finally 12 rolled around and off I went to Stamford.
2:27 Am and I finally get home. I change into pajamas, pour the grainy substance onto my makeup mirror and break it in up into two lines, figuring I’ll blow the first one and then see if I need more. (My source told me to do the whole bag at once, but he’s a bit more experienced with opiates than I, and I always prefer to start small and work my way up)
15 minutes later I feel a subtle warmth (now I know what people mean when they say ‘glow’) creeping into me. The chill I had been feeling from the lovely 25 degree temperature outside is gone, but more than that its like an amber feeling pervading into some core region that isn’t normally touched. My eyes feel heavy, and though I was definitly worn out from 4 and a half hours of driving, it’s a different kind of heaviness. I light a cigarette trying to get the taste (which I do not find pleasant at all) out of my mouth. I helps a little I think.
20 minutes since the first line and I feel mildly messed up. Definitly not balls to the walls shit faced, just sort of warm, slightly euphoric and rather detatched. I decide to wait 5 minutes then I will blow half of the remaining line.
I do as planned. That warmth is still with me and ( don’t know whether this is a normal thing or a freak me-only-thing) my fingers feel a little tingly. I feel totally calm and light, like I could space out and just stare at my wall and be perfectly content doing just that. As an added benefit my knee which had been aching like a bitch from the cold for days suddenly feels good as knew.
2:48: I’m definitly high. Silly little things suddenly seem to thoroughly appease me. Taking my hair down and letting it spill over my shoulders is suddenly quite the charming, freeing experience. I feel a little bit itchy, but then I’ve always gotten bad itches from opiates and considering the mildness of the sensation it could just be a self-fulfilling prophecy that I think I should be itchy, hence I am. Its nothing bothersome or intolerable. Infact, I feel like right about now nothing could be bothersome or intolerable. I get up and check myself out in my mirror. Classic pinpoint pupils and a little bleary eyed. Walking isn’t an issue or anything, though I do feel like moving quickly is entirely overrated and a slow amble is all that I can muster.
I love how I feel like time can pass while I do nothing and this is exactly the way it should be. I feel thoroughly fulfilled lyingin my bed, occasionally glancing at my laptop but mostly just lying there. Just an overwhelming spacy sensation of “its all good”
I put some VNV nation softly on my stereo. Its lulling and I feel like I could just drift away into the music
3 AM and I feel really nice and messed up. Oddly my heartbeat seems quicker than normal, but I suspect I’m just a little jittery about doing a new drug for the first time. I’m not particularly worried about it, its something that tends to happen to me every time I try a new substance. My eyelids are very heavy and I have a very mild headache, but no nausea and I seem to have forgotten to think about being itchy and hence no longer am. I decide I need to get some new lighting in this room (flourescent lights may be energy efficient and long lasted but they Always seem to bug me when I’m high on anything.)
3:15 and the lighting is still really bugging me so I decide to watch a movie. I kill the lights and throw Tristan and Isolde on because it’s a visually pleasing movie. Getting up to alter the volume (lost remotes suck) I suddenly realize I’m definitely a little unsteady on my feet. I don’t fall over but I have to stabilize myself before I pick my way across the dark room.
I have a bit of trouble visually focussing on the movie. My eyes seem to want to close of there own accord (though I’m not particularly tired), and I just let them do it because the sensation is overwhelming. Occasionally they feel almost as if they are trying to roll back in my head if I try to focus too hard on the screen. I still feel warm and detatched and generally in a state of total calm
4:15 I’m awake but drifting in between conciousness and a lucid-dream like state. Euphoria (and itchiness) seem to come in waves and my bed feels so soft it could just swallow me up. It’s a great feeling. The movie has gotten a little too chaotic and intense to handle, so I turn it off and allow myself to just zone out in bed.I smoke a few cigarettes (Someone once told me nicotine dulls opiate effects…. Never having done opiates without smoking I’m curious if this is true, can anyone validate that?)
I spend the next couple hours (I didn’t really keep track of time) awake but not really here… It was actually damn near impossible to differentiate between what was going on in real life and what was just my thoughts, whether minutes passed by or hours, but I didn’t try particularly hard to keep track either, it didn’t really seem to matter.
Now, this is something I find odd that has happened to me with every opiate I’ve ever done in a substantial quantity… and seems to be exactly the opposite with other people. It is always towards the end of an opiate trip, when I’m starting to come down that all the negative effects kick in… Then suddenly bam I get super itchy and my stomach starts to churn. Most people I know say they get nauseous at the beginning… never me. For a while this time I honestly thought that, unlike with oxy which always no matter how little I do makes me terribly nauseous towards the end, maybe heroin was different and this wouldn’t happen. Nope. 7 AM sends me rushing for my garbage can.
Overall I found the experience pretty fantastic. Apparently at some point I got a little vicious with my scratching because when I woke up my right shoulder and the right side of my ribcage were branded with some nice red burning welts inflicted by my fingernails (I should’ve had the foresight to cut them…. Long nail + opiates= bad news) and my stomach was less than content for most of the morning. I didn’t get an overabundance of legitimate “sleep” so for most of the day I felt kind of spacy and out of it, but likely getting less than 5 hours of sleep is as much to blame for that as the heroin. I actually enjoyed it more than Oxy, which is pleasing since its significantly cheaper. Next time the universe aligns against me (which hopefully won’t be for a few more months) I’ll definitly take this as my drug of choice to decompress.
