• Trip Reports Moderator: M!$ter-ED

Heroin - Experienced - The Untimely Death of Matt Himself

Matt,

Thank you so much for sharing your story. I know you that stated you wrote it for yourself - to come to terms with yourself and what happened - but I'm sure you've also prevented AT LEAST one OD by sharing your experience.

I think that a lot of people who get caught up in drugs are actually VERY intelligent people, who are simply looking for an escape from the boredom and pain of everyday life... And it sounds like you are a perfect example...

After everything you've been through (and getting clean), you have an extremely bright future ahead of you. Keep up the great work, bro.

I was extremely moved by your story, and I am very impressed with your writing style as well - and I can tell by these responses that I'm not the only one! It sounds like you literally have a GROUP of people who have been following/reading your trip reports for years now... Have you ever considered going into journalism or becoming an author?

You have a gift - writing seems to come very naturally to you - and this is a gift that very few people are blessed with. Keep on writing and sharing your experiences. And if/when you feel depressed or suicidal, remember what I just said - you are blessed with a talent that could make you a very successful person. God (or whatever higher power you believe in) gave you this gift for a reason. Furthermore, that same 'higher power' kept you ALIVE for a reason... Think about it. Maybe that reason is that you were meant to enrich other peoples' lives through your talent for writing.

I believe that everything happens for a reason. I believe in destiny. You are alive because you have more "work" to do before you eventually pass away, and the same is true for each of us.

Best of luck to you now and in the future. And seriously bro - consider becoming a writer of some sort for a living - you already have the natural talent.

Keep your head up!
 
Wow, this is one amazing story! This story was so brilliantly written. I felt myself getting deeper and deeper into your story. I almost felt as if i was there.

I know what your going through is hard but there is something i see in you, hiding within your story.. you are an amazing writer. You should/could put all your energy into writing, you have a gift. And not only that but you could help other people with your writing. And in fact, this one story you wrote above may in fact help somebody. Have you ever thought about writing more? Writing about ANYTHING not just drugs and the experiences that come with them.

I don't use 'H', never have thank god. But i can relate to some of it.

Anyway, thank you for writing this turthful experience. I'm going to safe this and print it out sometime in the future when i have a printer.

This is one amazing story!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

RPG
 
Such a great report, I could see it all happening in my minds eye, and I don't even know you at all. Very intense writing style, I can't really relate thankfully, but I understand what you are going thorugh. I hope things are going well for you man, peace and love.
 
A sort of re: long overdue

For a moment there, before I saw the nick of the author, I thought you have died Matt. I almost cursed you for using the title, but then, after reading into it, I saw that it was appropriate.

It seems now so insignificant a thing that our regular AIM chats, conducted during your late night binges and my early morning pre-crisis methadone downs, were interrupted for no other reason than a certain problem with my IT equipment, which forced me to use as few a programs as possible, AIM being the one often if not always off.

Many things have been crossing over my mind, after reading this trip report (although I see it more as a memoir of sorts - you do know my opinion of actual TR's), including thoughts of my own responsibility for this nightmarish scenario. Was the 'knowledge' I shared with you 'harm reduction' or 'cause of harm'? Did it, by itself lead to this, or was it just a small tributary of an, otherwise, logical progression of your plunge into the 'dismal situation waste and wild, a dungeon horrible, on all sides round as one great furnace flamed, yet from those flames no light, but rather darkness visible, served only to discover sights of woe, regions of sorrow, doleful shades, where peace and rest can never dwell, hope never comes that comes to all; but torture without end' (John Milton: Paradise Lost: Book I 60-67).

Eh you will probably know what I mean, I'm just lost on words, and so those of the writer long dead I did use.

Contact me, I'll make an effort to be around, so we can share some 'knowledge' again, maybe this time with you on the giving side?

Your friend from other half of the world,

Danguba, aka Achaemenian
 
nukka said:
Great story, but could you clear up one thing for me... why did you start feeling the heroin again at the hospital while you were coughing up blood? Is it because the naloxone that revived you started wearing off and your system was still overloaded with H?
Click to expand...

Naloxone has shorter half life than heroin. Whilst it's a strong antagonist, and will push heroin out of opioid receptors, as soon as it wears off, drug will hit again. That's the main reason why people who OD need to be under medical monitoring, even if their situation instantly improves after antidote shot.
 
When Danguba asked me if I'd heard what had happened to you and directed me to this thread...my heart sank.

While reading it I thought that it would have been better off in The Dark Side...but the outcome was so positive that I realise you posted correctly. I don't want to read about you in TDA...k?

I'm so happy to hear that you are doing well with the program...and I wish you every luck in sticking to your goals.

I'm sorry I keep missing you on AIM, it'd be good to talk to you. In answer to your question...I honestly don't know about IRC, I haven't been there for many months.

You have an amazing ability to write, Matt...I am very envious, though not envious of the ordeal you have just been through. I'm glad you're alive to tell us about it and also that you have these words as a constant reminder to not get in that situation again.

:)
 
powerful read....

its a shame the humiliation and anguish some must experience to enact change

good luck in your recovery
 
Fantastic writing. Almost brought me to tears.

I actually wondered what had happened you you, Matt. I noticed there was a discontinuity in your posting over the past few years... I am sorry to hear it turned out so bad.

This makes me even happier I got out of heroin while I was still able to. I can relate to the shame part of your scenario since I experienced something similar on an amphetamine overdose.
 
That was an amazing story. Very glad you made it out, and even though it was a hard experience it was completely for the better. Very, very well written. Stay clean man.
 
wow... i really dont know what to say... you brought tears to my eyes. thank you for telling your story, im so glad you came out of that and are doing well :)
 
Yeah, amazing, awesome, tragic story! Hope all's well with U & ur family & GF.

Did the cops charge U with anything or try and get U to rat out the dealer?

Do U think the H was very pure or was the OD related to U not having done it in awhile? (I never did H before.)

Ur lucky to be alive!

How did U support ur habit?
 
wow. Good story matt, one thing i can say it's definitely discouraged me to ever try heroin (not that i was planning to)

I'll stick with my occasional MDMA pill and occasional cocaine when i find a good batch ;)

Hope you are recovering well and things aren't looking as gloomy. Perspective is reality and you're perspective will continue to improve daily as long as every day you take another step in the right direction i guess.

Good luck :)
 
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