I've been lurking here for a long while, probably around 2 years to be exact, roughly a year after the beginning of my run with opies. Started with the tabs, percs, to 30's, then hydromorphone, finally caved and went to my parents and asked for help. I spent around 5 months on a suboxone program, got down to 1mg a day, tried to jump, made it 25 days, then graduated to sniffing H. It's been a hard 2 years past that point essentially a relationship with opiates that consist of using them because I can't stand not sleeping, fighting my deep depression I've been in for the past few years (I'm only happy for about an hour after my first dose of the day, then I'm hating myself for it the rest of the day), and counteracting the HORRIBLE anxiety that I have as I was a somewhat anxious person before, but now I just pace around all day or stare and think. I'm doing a consistent 1/2 of pretty decent food right now,but this has to end now. I'm 23, I have to get on with my life, I'm at a very pivotal place in my life where I am coming close to graduating from college (I've been juggling full time school/full time work for most of this time), my parents have had some health issues and I need to be strong and there for them like they have been for me my entire life, and I gotta get myself together for my girl. I've only made it those 25 days in 3 years, and besides those I usually only get to like day 2 (happened 20 times probably). I'm just jumping off cold turkey, I have a 12mg suboxone but I'm not going to take it, I don't want to put anything in my body that is going to make these withdrawals last any longer, plus I had a nasty experience the last time I tried to take suboxone after binging on H for about 6 months. I waited 24 hours, took 2-3mg, and got horrible precipitated withdrawals consisting of puking up green and orange stomach bile, a constant 3 hours cold sweat, and a feeling of being in a constant hardcore panic attack for over an hour, so I'm pretty much terrified of suboxone. What I do have, is enough valium to take roughly 15-20mg a day, enough clonedine to take roughly .1-.3 a day, all the pot and hash oil I could want to smoke, lopermide, multivitamins, potassium supplements, valerian root, DXM, melatonin, fish oil, various herbal teas (kava kava, passion flower), epson salt for baths, a dog, and a new 24 hour gym membership.
I think I'm ready for this, so......
Last dose: 8:00 PM , roughly .2 insuffulated.
I think I'm ready for this, so......
Last dose: 8:00 PM , roughly .2 insuffulated.