heroin creeping back in

[DocLucid]

ok so i'm a former heroin addict.. i had been clean for over two years until recently. at the end of last month the girl that i am in love with moved away. i've had a really hard time dealing with this and i have been pretty depressed as a result. anyway i've been using heroin again sporadically, nothing crazy.. uses have been for the most part about a week apart, as i am just not up for getting physically addicted again. but this is becoming a problem anyway because just using once now is enough to make me even more depressed in the following days.

so i know that i do not want to use heroin, that its just making things worse and preventing me from dealing with my real issues.. but still i feel the pull. every week now i've been finding ways in my head to rationalize using again and its keeping me in a cycle of depression and just general shit feelings.. i just dont know what to do, i keep tricking myself into getting dope and every time i think about this girl i am overwhelmed with sadness and the urge to use kicks in full force.. i just want to know if anyone has any strategies for dealing with this type of feeling.

 

[carrion Doll]

Well, "they" say cravings only last 10 minutes or something like that. I don't find that to be true of myself, they last more like an hour or so. But still, keeping busy, finding something to do right away when the feeling hits is what works best for me. It's hard, there is no magical cure, as I am sure you know. But if you really want to stay clean, you will make it work. I have been hearing alot about exercise in many posts lately also and I am going to try this myself as I am pregnant and cannot use. it's not just about me anymore. So I am right there with you, finding ways to keep myself occupied. If you could find someone to go to, a friend, someone you can call and use kind of like a sponsor almost. Someone you can call and say "hey I want to pick up" and they can help get you through it. maybe even suggest some things you guys can do together or just talk to you about your depression.

Also have you considered that maybe you need some treatment? Maybe some kind of meetings (not necessarily meaning NA here) or some outpatient, even just regular counseling? Just keep it in mind.

 

[DocLucid]

thanks guys.. scotty good call on going for a drive, its actually a really good way to clear the mind.

 

[b4rd]

The only advice I can give you is to fight the urges when they kick in.

It is a very good sign that you can identify yourself when you are rationalizing your drug usage. Instead of just mere recognition of your cycle, fight the cycle. Use your real judgment and rationalzation into not giving into temtation; fight the mind!

Maybe you should talk to someone.. maybe start going to NA or AA meetings (even though I personally hate them) just to get shit off your chest or possibly even get some advice.

Remember, at the meetings, only listen to the things that make sense to you and don't seem like jibberish; leave all the bullshit behind and ignore it.

 

[SKL]

I'm in the same boat, bud. In the summer of '08 I did a sub taper to nothing and I felt great and like i had finally licked the opiate habit, was real optimistic and suchlike, but that winter, in the context of some interpersonal unpleasantness, yeah, there was a woman in the center of that shit too. I started chipping again and was on and off till I snagged a city brick on a whim in november '09 and proceded to get down to business and get strung out again, then I quit cold turkey around the beginning of this year, and since then have felt a baseline agitation that i can't really shake, and I keep having intrusive thoughts about using again, how it would return me to a better, more functional state; I can't really say that I disagree all the time, but i have to remind myself that ultimately heroin, as great as it may be in that intiial honeymoon stage, ultimately lets the dog loose inside and makes me at the end of the day a real prick. And that's the reason you quit dope and you have reasons that you quit dope too. All I can really say is that you gotta think on them and remember them and keep them close. I take issue with the 12 steppers but I do like that they preach to take it one day at a time. You can choose not to use today, and then you can do it again tomorrow, all one day at a time. That's a real profound statement, actually, and very true, and very empowering.

 

[unsettled]

Well I just finished a sub taper after finishing a pod taper and honestly haven't even been that depressed, but I found a connection for some H and that was it, I've used every day for a week, and I'd never used H previously, I just wanted to get high and since I'm new to it it's working very well. I don't have any advice for getting off.

I'm thinking I'm going to need professional help to get off these devil opiates, the way I jumped right on the H train just a week after being free of all opiates makes me realize that this battle is ongoing. At least pods were affordable when I used them, as much as I love H there's no way in hell I can afford a habit. Must get off it as soon as possible! Me and a friend are going to get clean at the same time using either subs or methadone.

Don't let the H take you over, I'm so inexperienced with it but already I can see why people have more problems with it than other opiates. Be strong, you don't have a habit, that's a huge plus for you!