Heroin. One glassine bag stamped with the words “HAPPY LIFE,” dissolved in water, intravenously. First time taking diamorphine by any route, or any psychoactive drug by injection. With a close friend, lying in bed.
In seconds I am in an altered state. There is a visceral warmth rushing across my body. My visual field darkens as my pupils constrict, and my attention is drawn inward, rather than outward. I feel like I am floating in warm water. There is giddiness, butterflies in the stomach, a touch of nausea. I feel like I am seeing and perceiving through a veil of gauze or lace. This is not a pure euphoria, thought – there is not an upward euphoric “push” like there is with a good psychedelic experiences, but rather, the well-being I feel is strictly palliative; that is, an absence of all the things that I was feeling a moment ago that were making me feel unwell. This is not euphoria, but rather euthymia. I feel utterly content. I have no desire to do anything at all but look inwardly at my own contentedness. As I do I drift into a warm, dreamy state that is half-asleep, half-awake. Intermittently, I startle for a moment, take in my surroundings, and return to the nod, until an hour or so has passed. I then regain my momentum to at least walk about and talk socially. I am still free of even the most fleeting worries, anxieties, physical and psychic pains. It fades in another two or three hours although I am still a bit intoxicated until hour five or six.
In seconds I am in an altered state. There is a visceral warmth rushing across my body. My visual field darkens as my pupils constrict, and my attention is drawn inward, rather than outward. I feel like I am floating in warm water. There is giddiness, butterflies in the stomach, a touch of nausea. I feel like I am seeing and perceiving through a veil of gauze or lace. This is not a pure euphoria, thought – there is not an upward euphoric “push” like there is with a good psychedelic experiences, but rather, the well-being I feel is strictly palliative; that is, an absence of all the things that I was feeling a moment ago that were making me feel unwell. This is not euphoria, but rather euthymia. I feel utterly content. I have no desire to do anything at all but look inwardly at my own contentedness. As I do I drift into a warm, dreamy state that is half-asleep, half-awake. Intermittently, I startle for a moment, take in my surroundings, and return to the nod, until an hour or so has passed. I then regain my momentum to at least walk about and talk socially. I am still free of even the most fleeting worries, anxieties, physical and psychic pains. It fades in another two or three hours although I am still a bit intoxicated until hour five or six.