It went on like this for awhile. But by Fall my life was falling apart. Darrell's apartment got raided Josh went to jail and ended up on Drug Court. I had pawned everything I owned of value and had started stealing from my parents. I knew things where coming to a head and that the real consequences where very close. So I decided that it was time to end my life. Now I know that seems like a drastic solution but at the time I felt so hopeless I didnt want to live my life without heroin. I was too in love with her beauty to imagine life without her warm embrace. I also wanted to escape the shame of being outed to my family for what I am a junky. I remember that day like it was yesterday. I had been awake for a day or two sick as hell. Around midnight the night before I decided I was ready to end it all I wrote a note to my family explaining my decisions why things had to be that way. I then waited for my mom to go to work stole one of her checks went and cashed it for 60 dollars.
I remember it was a sunny day probably 75 degrees outside so I let the sunroof down on my car as I drove downtown to meet the man. I remember the feeling of peace was amazing I was convinced that I was making the right decision. I thought the pain was over the running the stealing the shame the guilt all that shit was going to be washed away by a nice warm overdose. So I got the 3 bags and drove to a local subway that had a nice large parking lot that I figured I wouldnt be bothered in. I stared at the three bags for a few minutes as I thought about my life and how old I felt for 20. But I just couldnt do it all I could think about was the three times I could get high from those bags. But I knew I was fucked so I compromised shot two and would do the third if I still felt like going through with it once high. So I did the two bags got loaded felt better about life. I drove over to my boys house
I remember it was a sunny day probably 75 degrees outside so I let the sunroof down on my car as I drove downtown to meet the man. I remember the feeling of peace was amazing I was convinced that I was making the right decision. I thought the pain was over the running the stealing the shame the guilt all that shit was going to be washed away by a nice warm overdose. So I got the 3 bags and drove to a local subway that had a nice large parking lot that I figured I wouldnt be bothered in. I stared at the three bags for a few minutes as I thought about my life and how old I felt for 20. But I just couldnt do it all I could think about was the three times I could get high from those bags. But I knew I was fucked so I compromised shot two and would do the third if I still felt like going through with it once high. So I did the two bags got loaded felt better about life. I drove over to my boys house