Heroin -A day in the life

[Fightingback123]

Can someone explain to me what it's like to be addicted to heroin. I have a loved one who is addicted and I feel like I can be more helpful or understanding if I can understand the addiction itself moreso. So he has battled with this how entire life. Clean after prison the periods of clean during probation where I think he still used by using fake pee anyway. I cant understand how he is able to actually have and maintain a good job while having this lifestyle. He is on methadone which he wakes up religiously for it's only 35mg I believe now after staring out at like 125 (he was forced to go down during probation). Most of the time on the days he doesn't have to work he will use H then go get his methadone and I won't see him the entire day... Often times on his days off he is literally gone the entire day... Doing what? I guess I just assume sleeping the entire day. It seems like he is sleeping his entire life away. Then other days he goes to work and it doesn't seem to phase him I guess. He has literally no veins left. He uses in his arm is a huge wound basically...he was in the hospital earlier this year for an infection right by his heart I think it was from this..so I don't even know if he gets a high with having no veins or what.. and isn't the methadone supposed to help with the cravings looking back no matter the dose it's never seemed to be magical I think that's where the wanting to quit and being motivated comes in. I'm just wondering is he maintaining at this point from getting sick in which case wouldnt u increase your methadone or is he just still getting high. Anyway I'm thinking of leaving because this keeps happening after 10 years and it's very traumatic on my end watching this person do this to themselves. I just want to understand what it's like for him since he will never tell me. Is it best just to leave we have a family and I'm so tired or this but want to try to help.

 

[ChronicFuture]

Only that person can tell you why they are so hooked. It could be that they just dont wanna get sick, which is why I kept using. But it sounds more like they are either in love with that drug/lifestyle or are trying very hard to run away from something like past trauma or he/she has problems with himself/herself.

You could leave and maybe that'll motivate change but I doubt it. Some people overdose and still go back. They will only stop when they want to, sounds like that person really doesn't want to. Sorry you are going through this, really.

 

[JessFR]

If their body needs more than 35mg that could result in some serious cravings.

But, even at higher doses, a lot of heroin cravings are as much psychological as physical.

For me, I relapsed last year in spite of being on methadone. The best I can think to say to try and explain what it might be like for him, is for me, even on methadone I frequently end up wanting heroin when life sucks.

Sometimes for some people life just can be really hard to cope with, even without a lot of objective reasons for it to be so hard. And when things suck, you want heroin.

A lot of us used heroin to cope with emotional problems, I certainly did, and I've done it for so long that even on methadone when life seems to suck I can't help but crave heroin.

I can't speak for your loved one, but I'm sure mine felt frustrated that I wouldn't let them in on what I was going through. And what's frustrating is I often wanted to let them in too. But at the same time I just couldn't. I was either too ashamed or hated myself too much or didn't want to further worry them.

It's also just hard to talk to people who haven't been there. It feels like they simply can't understand, they have no frame of reference with which to comprehend just what kind of duress a severe heroin habit puts you under. It fucks with your head in ways that are subtle yet extremely powerful.

I'm about to go to bed so I'm sorry if I was a bit unclear writing this, I hope anything I said was of any help.

I think it's understandable why you want to give up. Sometimes people have to lose everything before they're ready to really try and change things. But, othertimes loss just gives you one more thing to wanna numb with heroin.

 

[Fightingback123]

Thanks. It's such a mix of emotions. Anger of course from the drain of resources and extreme minimal time for me as the other companion which most of the time he is high for. Then sadness and confusion. I understand there is nothing I can do or say I don't think. This person has to want this. I'm not going to give any ultimatums or anything as I don't think this will help. The hard part is he actually thinks I don't know what is going on (the drugs and that he is using) I think he has to know deep down I know. So it just goes on in the house but no one talks about it. He will deny it. I wish he would open up and at least admit it. I wonder if he wants help. I think maybe he does but isn't ready. Thanks for everyone's input.

 

[Mizotlangval]

If their body needs more than 35mg that could result in some serious cravings.

But, even at higher doses, a lot of heroin cravings are as much psychological as physical.

For me, I relapsed last year in spite of being on methadone. The best I can think to say to try and explain what it might be like for him, is for me, even on methadone I frequently end up wanting heroin when life sucks.

Sometimes for some people life just can be really hard to cope with, even without a lot of objective reasons for it to be so hard. And when things suck, you want heroin.

A lot of us used heroin to cope with emotional problems, I certainly did, and I've done it for so long that even on methadone when life seems to suck I can't help but crave heroin.

I can't speak for your loved one, but I'm sure mine felt frustrated that I wouldn't let them in on what I was going through. And what's frustrating is I often wanted to let them in too. But at the same time I just couldn't. I was either too ashamed or hated myself too much or didn't want to further worry them.

It's also just hard to talk to people who haven't been there. It feels like they simply can't understand, they have no frame of reference with which to comprehend just what kind of duress a severe heroin habit puts you under. It fucks with your head in ways that are subtle yet extremely powerful.

I'm about to go to bed so I'm sorry if I was a bit unclear writing this, I hope anything I said was of any help.

I think it's understandable why you want to give up. Sometimes people have to lose everything before they're ready to really try and change things. But, othertimes loss just gives you one more thing to wanna numb with heroin.

i feel you bro.Trying to let our love ones in but afraid and ashamed..and wanting not to trouble them again for the hundred time...And extreme sense of low self worth .low self esteem and depression.While comming down( even before withdrawal sets in,) can be extremely frustrating.

 

[emkee_reinvented]

"He uses in his arm is a huge wound basically..."

Looking from the point of an anti IV-er, this is really sickening. I think your friend is in a lot more trouble then he would likely admit. Sure the job is a plus. But injecting in a open wound, how can i word this.

This person has his health at 2nd place and drugs on nr. 1. That is not allright.

Not that my lifestyle is superb, I can conclude drug use turns into abuse also caused by not being happy. So the probability that there is an underlying course is a reason to do this, I would. I just hate needles, and open wounds.

 

[Keif' Richards]

Hey guys. I appreciate what you're talking about here. I think fostering some real understanding of addiction is always a good thing, but if we aren't really trying to reduce harm here, I think it might be better-suited to our recovery-oriented forums. That's where I'm going to move it.

 

[G_Chem]

First things first, you need to leave him. At this point there’s no amount of understanding will help you fix this situation. Because you can’t fix it... Only he can. And he’s shown time and again he won’t.

The only help you can give him is by taking away yourself and your children to see if that is what it takes to shake his reality enough to get sober.

-GC

 

[Jabberwocky]

i maintained a decent job for years while being a heroin addict. i started using at the end of a hellride of a PhD after having been addicted to other drugs for a decade. some people are able to have a serious habit and continue functioning. the only time it got bad for me was if i hadn't saved myself enough for morning, so had to score at lunch, or if we had a deadline and had to stay late and i'd start clucking, same if people went out to socialise after work which sucked cos i missed out and they were cool people.

i hated myself. i felt so fucking weak for not being able to kick it. i didn't understand there was more to quitting heroin than just getting through the rattle then not using. your world is so small when you have to use this substance every few hours or get sick. i felt like everyone in my professional life would hate me if they knew what i really was. still do tbh and i've been in recovery for over 2 years.

10 years is a long time to tolerate someone in that situation. you have to put yourself first. i can't imagine what it must be like to have to watch someone you love destroy themselves for that length of time.

being an addict isn't fun, its fucking painful, so addicts really need to be treated compassionately, but you also need to have appropriate boundaries in place because addiction is such a selfish condition that if you don't, you will suffer. i'm not telling you to end it with your partner if that's not what you want to do, but you have to be realistic about his prognosis (has he made any concerted attempt at recovery in the time you've been together?), decide what you will and won't put up with, and stick to it.

 

[JessFR]

but you also need to have appropriate boundaries in place because addiction is such a selfish condition that if you don't, you will suffer.

This is very true. When I was at my worst in my heroin addiction, I hurt pretty much everyone I cared about in one way or another. At the end of the day... Much as you might still care for other people around you, addiction has this way of convincing you that life is over if you don't keep using, and it has a tendency to convince you to put any other considerations aside until the problem of continuing to use is satisfied.

Basically the drug comes first, in varying ways.

 

[deficiT]

I might consider going to al-anon meetings to work out some of your issues with your partners addiction. They have helped many in the past. Especially if you are trying to understand their addiction.

 

[JessFR]

I might consider going to al-anon meetings to work out some of your issues with your partners addiction. They have helped many in the past. Especially if you are trying to understand their addiction.

Oh yeah I forgot about alanon and naanon (not to be confused with the probably deliberately similarly named narconon scientology front group).

I don't have any experience with them though, I've always been the addict, not the loved one.

They any good?

 

[yubacity]

i maintained a decent job for years while being a heroin addict. i started using at the end of a hellride of a PhD after having been addicted to other drugs for a decade. some people are able to have a serious habit and continue functioning. the only time it got bad for me was if i hadn't saved myself enough for morning, so had to score at lunch, or if we had a deadline and had to stay late and i'd start clucking, same if people went out to socialise after work which sucked cos i missed out and they were cool people.

i hated myself. i felt so fucking weak for not being able to kick it. i didn't understand there was more to quitting heroin than just getting through the rattle then not using. your world is so small when you have to use this substance every few hours or get sick. i felt like everyone in my professional life would hate me if they knew what i really was. still do tbh and i've been in recovery for over 2 years.

10 years is a long time to tolerate someone in that situation. you have to put yourself first. i can't imagine what it must be like to have to watch someone you love destroy themselves for that length of time.

being an addict isn't fun, its fucking painful, so addicts really need to be treated compassionately, but you also need to have appropriate boundaries in place because addiction is such a selfish condition that if you don't, you will suffer. i'm not telling you to end it with your partner if that's not what you want to do, but you have to be realistic about his prognosis (has he made any concerted attempt at recovery in the time you've been together?), decide what you will and won't put up with, and stick to it.

Chinup mate should have made yourself some pod tea to drink at work and keep the rattle at bay no one knows that aside really well said

 

[deficiT]

Oh yeah I forgot about alanon and naanon (not to be confused with the probably deliberately similarly named narconon scientology front group).

I don't have any experience with them though, I've always been the addict, not the loved one.

They any good?

I don't have much experience with them, as I too have always been the addict. My mom has been to some, and other AA/NA members I have met swear by them.

 

[G_Chem]

My girl has tried them a few times but like any AA/NA group they’re just ideological nuts. Often projecting their own experiences on to you, to varying degrees depending how hurt they’ve been from the addict in their particular life.

-GC

 

[tubgirl.jpg]

Can someone explain to me what it's like to be addicted to heroin.

It's almost impossible to describe what addiction, to heroin or any other drug, feels like without having gone through it. The words to describe it sounds trite.
From my experience, everything in life gets reduced to junk. It becomes an all-consuming need, a vital necessity. I still managed to keep a good job until I didn't.
And in all honesty, I cared about nothing but heroin. I ruined pretty much every friendship and relationship I had back then, because if the choice was heroin or them,
heroin always won.

Anyway I'm thinking of leaving because this keeps happening after 10 years and it's very traumatic on my end watching this person do this to themselves. I just want to understand what it's like for him since he will never tell me. Is it best just to leave we have a family and I'm so tired or this but want to try to help.

Do you have kids? If so, think about them first and foremost, that what's important in this case. If you do, I'd say leave. It's been a decade. I grew up with a friend who had a heroin-addicted mother.
I'm not saying junkies can't be good parents - I've just never encountered one that is.

If you don't have kids - do you want to spent a few more years or the rest of your life living like this?

Are you willing to give up another decade to worry and anxiety?

 

[Jabberwocky]

This is very true. When I was at my worst in my heroin addiction, I hurt pretty much everyone I cared about in one way or another. At the end of the day... Much as you might still care for other people around you, addiction has this way of convincing you that life is over if you don't keep using, and it has a tendency to convince you to put any other considerations aside until the problem of continuing to use is satisfied.

Yep, i didn't hurt people on purpose. I did care about people but every time it came to a decision between another person and the drugs, they came first. and your brain would twist and turn til it found a way to convince you what you're doing wasn't wrong.

my parents went to some meetings for family support. i kinda hated them for it at the time cos they were the people who pointed out that by paying my bills after i'd lost my job (due to crack, not heroin, but i was still addicted to heroin too) and, given i was making no apparent attempts to sort myself out, they were just enabling me. which they were but i was super fecked off cos i knew from that point my using days were numbered , rehab was on the cards, and was utterly petrified of getting clean and facing the music.

 

[Fightingback123]

Wow thank you everyone one truly for your responses. Thank your for the sharing of experience and advice too. I know it's a difficult and delicate situation where compassion needs to be apart of the equation. I'm learning as I go. I know it's his decision in the end not mine. I've always stuck by you know I love him and see so much great potential in this person if it were not for this. I do feel like my life has revolved around this and I see now years for myself passing by. I think it will take something very exteame for him to stop. I've learned I'm becoming very unhappy and almost depressed it's just so hard to be happy when someone u love is doing this to themselves and you have to watch it. I did try to talk to him last night. It was alkward because I had to talk to hypothetically with him since we are having a conversation on a topic he says isn't even a part of his life. But it is I 1000 percent know. I just told him he can talk to me, and that he can open up and that I would be supportive and understanding of him getting help if he needed it. We really didnt get anywhere. I think I will leave because yes because now that we have a family I have other people to think about and this takes SO much of my energy as a human being. I don't want my family to have to grow up in this.

 

[ChronicFuture]

That's probably for the best. With my ex I was a big time alcoholic. Even though when she left me I went harder than ever, it did make me realize that my addictions were costing me a lot more than jobs or money. I was losing relationships, best friends, lovers. Time and time again.

I don't drink anymore and I doubt I ever will to that extent. I couldn't bare losing another person for alcohol. Nor could I live with myself if I ever treated another partner the way I treated her. It was a good thing she left. Im a better person for it and Im sure she is a much happier person now that she doesn't have to deal with this drunken fool. You're doing the best thing for yourself and everybody involved. Good luck!

 

[Iceman1216]

Getting off drugs (Alcohol is a Drug) is so hard if you have the (disease of Addiction) , may addictions are less Fatal, {Sex,shopping,Gambling etc!} but no less painful to the individual , you is trapped in that cycle of ( doing the same thing ,over,and Over agian and expecting different outcomes) that's the definition of insanity !!!Many of us Share about hitting Rock bottom, before we stopped, or at least started on a path of acceptance, and Harm reduction.
You leaving with the kids, will be One more hit into the armor of addiction, which is keeping him trapped. Being Clean & Sober is hard and frighting at first ( what will I do for fun?? how will I ever get through withdrawals? These are real and scary questions, that addiction tells you it has the Answer to ( a Big fucking LIE). You will need to take actions for your Kids and self, he will need to take actions for Himself, You ,and Kids.
good luck
stay here !! great support and knowledge, of the drug worls
ICE