lee harvey
Ex-Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 24, 2005
- Messages
- 1,164
I quit smack about 3 months ago - as in being hooked on it. So last night after about 3 months clean I decided to have one single very nice big blast.
Mind you I have had high doses before and I was prepared for the intensity of it - at least I thought I was.
So I loaded up the needless syringe with what about 5 bags and plugged it. The comeup was INTENSE and the euphoria was amazing, but after about 2 minutes, I knew I had too much because I was still going higher and higher and feeling like I was going to pass out.
That scared the piss out of me and I stood up and paced back and forth for a few minutes to try to shake it off and get to a place where I could enjoy it. Then I sat down for a second and instantly nodded off into a hellish hallucination where a I was driving my car up a hill in the summertime somewhere and a truck was in the wrong lane and crashed right into me - I yelled and jumped right up out of my chair. I could barely stand up straight. My voice was almost non existant, I couldn't really talk and I had to keep forcing myself to breath cuz I noticed many times that I stopped breathing and didn't even notice it.
I was having both auditory and visual hallucinations at this point, in every dark corner I saw a face or spiders or bugs crawling around. One time in a dark corner I noticed that there was a big coil of wires all wrapped in a circle, I went over to pick it up and it was not actually there. Any time I stood still for more then a few seconds my mind woud instantly zone into a strange awake dream where all these strange things from my subconscious would emerge, I was talking to people that weren't there, I saw visions of myself in a hospital bed, spiders dropping down on lines from the ceiling, I thought I was at work, it was like the floodgates to my subconscious were wide open. I was sinking deeper and deeper into passing out which scared the fuck out of me.At this point I was gripped with paranoia and was not feeling the precious euphoria I sought. I thought that if I passed out, I would really stop breathing.
So I stumbled up the steps to the garage where I grabbed 3 cans of coke and chugged all three in like 2 minutes. Amazingly the caffeine had no effect on me and I was still sinking deeper down in delierous thinking and I started thinking I was in different places. I remember that if I could find something to focus on, I could stay alert and in reality. So I tried to type on my keyboard but my fingers would take forever to hit just one key, and I couldn't hit the right keys, and I would completely lose my train of thought and start to stumble back down into unconsciousness.
I knew that in cases where you know you've had too much smack, you should never fall asleep so I was trying to stay consciouss. Things got so bad that I was vomiting in the sink but I was hallucinating that I was vomiting blood.
I was seriously contemplating calling 911 because if I stopped pacing back and forth and making myself breath for even 1 second I was instantly sinking into unconsciousness and possibly to my death. I seriously think that if I would have just laid back and passed out I would have died.
I kept moving around and stumbled up the steps again and it took me like 5 minutes to pour myself a glass of lemonade. I thought the sugar and wter would be good for me. So I took the whole pitcher of lemonade and turned on some music really loud to keep me awake. I was in the saddest shape I've ever seen.
I managed to keep myself together and came out of it after about an hour that seemed like 5 hours.
I have had more then 1 good friend die from an OD and that episode was enough to scare me straight so I finally flushed all the rest of the dope down the toilet.
I could have just chalked it up as a simple OD and be proud that I played it out smart and next time just don't do so much but I'm sick of this game and I have too much to live for. That was way too fucking close of a call.
I'm a big boy, about 210lbs, and I think that dose would have pretty instantly killed anybody 150lbs or less. All I can say is that I hope I finally learned my lesson this time.
Mind you I have had high doses before and I was prepared for the intensity of it - at least I thought I was.
So I loaded up the needless syringe with what about 5 bags and plugged it. The comeup was INTENSE and the euphoria was amazing, but after about 2 minutes, I knew I had too much because I was still going higher and higher and feeling like I was going to pass out.
That scared the piss out of me and I stood up and paced back and forth for a few minutes to try to shake it off and get to a place where I could enjoy it. Then I sat down for a second and instantly nodded off into a hellish hallucination where a I was driving my car up a hill in the summertime somewhere and a truck was in the wrong lane and crashed right into me - I yelled and jumped right up out of my chair. I could barely stand up straight. My voice was almost non existant, I couldn't really talk and I had to keep forcing myself to breath cuz I noticed many times that I stopped breathing and didn't even notice it.
I was having both auditory and visual hallucinations at this point, in every dark corner I saw a face or spiders or bugs crawling around. One time in a dark corner I noticed that there was a big coil of wires all wrapped in a circle, I went over to pick it up and it was not actually there. Any time I stood still for more then a few seconds my mind woud instantly zone into a strange awake dream where all these strange things from my subconscious would emerge, I was talking to people that weren't there, I saw visions of myself in a hospital bed, spiders dropping down on lines from the ceiling, I thought I was at work, it was like the floodgates to my subconscious were wide open. I was sinking deeper and deeper into passing out which scared the fuck out of me.At this point I was gripped with paranoia and was not feeling the precious euphoria I sought. I thought that if I passed out, I would really stop breathing.
So I stumbled up the steps to the garage where I grabbed 3 cans of coke and chugged all three in like 2 minutes. Amazingly the caffeine had no effect on me and I was still sinking deeper down in delierous thinking and I started thinking I was in different places. I remember that if I could find something to focus on, I could stay alert and in reality. So I tried to type on my keyboard but my fingers would take forever to hit just one key, and I couldn't hit the right keys, and I would completely lose my train of thought and start to stumble back down into unconsciousness.
I knew that in cases where you know you've had too much smack, you should never fall asleep so I was trying to stay consciouss. Things got so bad that I was vomiting in the sink but I was hallucinating that I was vomiting blood.
I was seriously contemplating calling 911 because if I stopped pacing back and forth and making myself breath for even 1 second I was instantly sinking into unconsciousness and possibly to my death. I seriously think that if I would have just laid back and passed out I would have died.
I kept moving around and stumbled up the steps again and it took me like 5 minutes to pour myself a glass of lemonade. I thought the sugar and wter would be good for me. So I took the whole pitcher of lemonade and turned on some music really loud to keep me awake. I was in the saddest shape I've ever seen.
I managed to keep myself together and came out of it after about an hour that seemed like 5 hours.
I have had more then 1 good friend die from an OD and that episode was enough to scare me straight so I finally flushed all the rest of the dope down the toilet.
I could have just chalked it up as a simple OD and be proud that I played it out smart and next time just don't do so much but I'm sick of this game and I have too much to live for. That was way too fucking close of a call.
I'm a big boy, about 210lbs, and I think that dose would have pretty instantly killed anybody 150lbs or less. All I can say is that I hope I finally learned my lesson this time.
i meant shooting, not plugging.
