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heres to drinking yourself to sleep everynight

lowlow345

lowlow345

Bluelighter
Joined
Apr 13, 2009
Messages
100
since ive been off oxys, out of jail, and said byebye to my boyfriend, ive been drinking almost a bottle of liquor every night because im tired of taking tylenol pms and ive even got so desperate as to taking my dogs pain pills. i know, ridiculous. but i try to drink myself to sleep if im not out with people getting fucked up. thats the only thing i think about now is drinking and drugs. im on probation and i know i shoulnt be doing this, but i cant stop. i keep thinking about my ex boyfriend and how much i though i loved him. all the shit we did together, it all plays over in my head. it never ends, and i want it to stop. i want to stop my thoughts i cant stand my feelings and i dont want to feel anything anymore. i dont know why im really posting but im not drunk enough and its just not working anymore. i talk to people, i get up every morning, go out and try to find jobs, hang out with people. its not taking the pain away. i miss my old self sometimes. but i hated my old self and i hate this new person too. i just hate myself. i feel that ive lost my soul for good this time, and theres no getting it back. im not going to say all that shit like "my life sucks, i want to end it all" because i hate that shit. i am going to deal with this shit somehow, but it still fucking drags me down.

but heres to drinking yourself to sleep at night, and wondering why. cheers!
 
kinda curious, what are dogs given for pain?


I'll be drinking myself to sleep with you. It sounds like we both had way too much invested in our prior relationships =( We are very much on the same wavelength right now I think

sweet dreams friend
 
The only reason you can't stop this is because you think you can't. If you keep saying to yourself that you can't stop drinking poisonous amounts of alcohol then you won't stop until a medical emergency pops up. Now, keep in mind that if you get yourself dependent upon alcohol, that it can result in a very very painful withdrawal (on par with, if not worse than opiates). You are also blinded by your current state of mind. I doubt you have always hated yourself, and that there are plenty of moments where you have felt at ease with yourself. I am sure the only reason you hate yourself is because you are making bad decisions. Hating yourself for doing this is a defense mechanism that your body has built into you such that you may find motivation to stop, and then feel good about yourself.

Try to focus on reasons why you should feel good about yourself, even if you aren't doing anything good. Imagine yourself doing good things, and imagine how you would feel about yourself after you have done these things. You can start with a small step, and cut back on drinking tonight, and the next, until you are down to a moderate amount (1-2 standard drinks). You want to quit drinking and using drugs. If you didn't, you wouldn't post here, and would just be worried about finding a place to have a good time. Life may seem like it sucks without being fucked up, but it can get better. You may eventually find comfort in a nice meal, and that might be the only thing that made you happy in a day, but that is progress from where you are standing, isn't it? Some people just make due with this and do fine, because they know that they can always get fucked up later.
 
Dragynfyr said:
kinda curious, what are dogs given for pain?


I'll be drinking myself to sleep with you. It sounds like we both had way too much invested in our prior relationships =( We are very much on the same wavelength right now I think

sweet dreams friend
Click to expand...

acepromazine.
 
Acepromazine is not a pain medication. It is a major phenothiazine tranquilizer, like thorazine. It is not used in people, and the most you can expect is some mild sedation.
 
^cool, thanks

at least it has a history of human use =p

but ya, looks like it's used to calm animals down not killing pain, which is probably what you were going for anyway
 
Missykins said:
Acepromazine is not a pain medication. It is a major phenothiazine tranquilizer, like thorazine. It is not used in people, and the most you can expect is some mild sedation.
Click to expand...

i know ive done my research. i just said pain medicine in my post, my bad.
 
They are also given morphine but lets not start abusing our pets.
"Well, doctor I dont know HOW Rover managed to fall down a flight of stairs, he's always been a clumsy dog"

Rarely would I be the one to say smoke weed it will help and since you're on probation that would only make things considerably worse.

I would suggest opening up to your friends about what you have been going through, if they are supportive and not druggies at all they will make a big effort to get your mind off things.

Lots of former opiate addicts turn to the bottle for relief so you arent alone in that. If you want to change though I would suggest get a job with long hours. Idle hands are the devil's playthings is a phrase that holds alot of sad truth in it.
 
There are a couple of problems with using alcohol to get to sleep on a regular basis.

The first is that it fucks up the REM part of your sleep cycle and so sleep doesn't refresh you the way it should. The second is that if you do it for any length of time, the rebound insomnia when you stop lasts a very long time.

I'd seriously consider asking your doctor for a sleep aid with minimal abuse potential, or even trying some of the sleep aids which are available OTC. It also sounds like you need to get some serious support systems in place.

Talk to your probation officer about getting hooked up with a professional counsellor. While it would be a good idea to develop a social network of your own, there are some things which are beyond the capacity of friends to handle.

If you can get hooked up with a good counsellor, you avoid the possibility of your friends getting in over their heads trying to support you through things they're not equipped to handle. The counsellor can do the heavy lifting and your friends can help you with the less demanding stuff and provide a social outlet.

If you're having trouble dealing with obsessive thoughts, you might want to get an evaluation from a psychiatrist too. There are treatment plans to deal with what you're going through but none of them include abusing alcohol. Talk to health professionals about coming up with a treatment plan with deals with both the substance abuse and the feelings.

And keep away from the veterinary meds.
 
Now, keep in mind that if you get yourself dependent upon alcohol, that it can result in a very very painful withdrawal (on par with, if not worse than opiates).
Click to expand...

Um, dude, opiate w/d won't KILL you.. you can actually die w/ding from alcohol. Opiate w/d may make you WISH you were dead, but I don't think it will end your life like the bottle can.


And apparently I didn't sufficiently put myself down last night lol I was sleep eating.. I woke up and found a slice of garlic bread with a lump of stuffing and some gravy on it sitting on a paper towel with one bite taken out of it.
 
I know the feeling, lowlow. I usually stop for a few months then go on a few week binge drinking myself to sleep. It's a pattern with me.
 
Hey, I can't really give you any words of inspiration because I'm in pretty much the same boat as you and I'm not the biggest fan of myself either.. Just know that you're not completely alone in this and that once this shit storm is over, you'll be a lot stronger than you ever thought possible.

Sucks that some of us get dealt a shitty hand. <3
 
Dragynfyr said:
Um, dude, opiate w/d won't KILL you.. you can actually die w/ding from alcohol. Opiate w/d may make you WISH you were dead, but I don't think it will end your life like the bottle can.


And apparently I didn't sufficiently put myself down last night lol I was sleep eating.. I woke up and found a slice of garlic bread with a lump of stuffing and some gravy on it sitting on a paper towel with one bite taken out of it.
Click to expand...

This is why I said "if not worse than." Additionally, I think the fatality rate of gabaergic withdrawal is greatly overstated, and one should consider the intensity and length of consumption of gabaergics before they attribute any sort of high mortality rate associated with the withdrawal. One other thing: opiate withdrawal also has the capacity to kill you.

Just as people die in gabaergic withdrawal due to excessive sympathetic nervous system stimulation resulting in: concurrent seizures leading to loss of oxygen due to spastic and constricted diaphragm muscles; heart arrythmia leading to cardiac arrest; excessive platelet aggregation within the heart due to high blood pressure mixed with a very high heart rate inevitably leading to a fatal myocardial infarction and due to suicidal ideation, (suicide rates are extremely high in gabaergic withdrawal due to the intense despair and torture involved) people also die in opiate withdrawal. With opiate withdrawal, one can die from dehydration or severe mineral deprivation due to excessive vomiting and diarrhea, fever exacerbating background infection leading to brain damage and possible death from excessively high body temperatures and of course suicidal ideation due to opiate withdrawal's equally torturous and despairing process.

But, yes, alcohol can have a very high mortality rate (35% when left untreated in severe addictions), and opiate withdrawal has a low chance of outright killing a person. I agree with that. However, opiate withdrawal still has the capacity to kill.
 
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Dragynfyr said:
Um, dude, opiate w/d won't KILL you.. you can actually die w/ding from alcohol. Opiate w/d may make you WISH you were dead, but I don't think it will end your life like the bottle can.


And apparently I didn't sufficiently put myself down last night lol I was sleep eating.. I woke up and found a slice of garlic bread with a lump of stuffing and some gravy on it sitting on a paper towel with one bite taken out of it.
Click to expand...

Hey, at least you're eating - that's a pretty good sign even if your food choice was kind of whacky. :)
 
I can relate. Used to be when I'd quit drugs, it would interrupt my sleep for a few days, maybe most of a week.
This year, its been never-ending.
I abhor alcohol; wish the 21st Amendment would be repealed; but in the absence of anything else, I buy my bottles, fully knowing it'll only make me feel worse, not help me sleep any better, and ultimately cause me many more health problems.

But at the same time, it's part of our culture(s); my family shames me when I don't drink, and I don't dare tell them I'd rather not. I betray my entire lineage when I abstain from liquor.

Best of luck beating the bottle.

Kill or be killed, that is the end of it.
 
instead of waking up and feeling like shit, yeh could just do what I do... and cut out the whole sleep/wake things. :\ after 3-4 days things get weird, and if yeh make it to a bed then, yeh'll hit the darkworld hard n fast.

but if yeh actually like sleep, then forget what I said. sleep and I have a grudge-match going, so maybe it aint good for someone else try staying up 64hrs.... I guess.
 
shitty feeling knowing that you are going down the wrong path, but don't know where else to go. i'm not going to try and say i've got it as bad as you, or that i know where you are coming from because i don't. there isn't anything that i can say or do that is going to solve your problems, i don't even know if there is a solution to all of your problems.

one thing i do know is that focusing on your problems and why you are in the shithole you got yourself into is not going to help. you can't erase your thoughts and you can't escape your own head. its life, and you are going to have to deal with it to put it simply. no amount of drug or alcohol can change that. you are who you are. you have to move past it. let the past be the past and move on. live in today. everything might feel like a distraction at first, but as time goes on the memories that haunt you will become more distant. to me, it sounds like you are a fighter, and bent on fighting yourself now that life hasn't played out to what you wanted it to be. as corny as it sounds you need to learn to stop hating yourself and start loving yourself. its the only way out.. you have to start caring for yourself.
 
I have hit the bottle one too many times like this...cheers to you, hope you can take some of this advice and get yourself out of the shit storm that is this period in life.
 
Mafioso said:
one thing i do know is that focusing on your problems and why you are in the shithole you got yourself into is not going to help. you can't erase your thoughts and you can't escape your own head.
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That is some pretty awful advice. The only time I don't improve/get better in life is the same time I stop focusing on my problems.
The reason you focus on your problems is to figure out your specific coping mechanisms as a person. A lot of people with problems have maladaptive coping mechanisms, and the ONLY WAY you are going to fix that is by THINKING about and finding a functional coping mechanism to replace it with.

This is why therapists get paid the big bucks. If one person copes with shame by being depressed, and another person copes with shame by being anxious, each person will have a completely different process in learning how to replace their anxiety/depression with a more constructive process like aggression. A lot of times those same people are passive and compliant which winds up feeding into their anxiety/depression even more. So THINKING is absolutely ESSENTIAL in any therapeutic environment. Your self referential advice could cause someone much more harm than good.

Also, you CAN "just erase" your thoughts. You've obviously never practiced or got good at meditation. Meditation is recommended to so many addicts simply so they can unlearn an external locust of control and bring that control back into themselves. If I cut you off on the highway and you get anxious you CHOOSE to feel that anxiety by your projection that I tried to intentionally harm you in some way by cutting you off. By understanding that there are a million other reasons I may have cut you off, you can clearly and relatively easily not feel anxiety about it. You can also erase all the paranoid thoughts that would follow by just CHOSING to take your mind in a different direction. I'd actually imagine that same thought process you have has A LOT to do with your own issues in life, which I won't speculate about, but can assume they have much to do with how you think in general.
 
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