Here.

[*Jamison*]

Cry myself to sleep.
Take a pill for the pain.
Heart still aches.
Take more.
Swallow with brown water.
Dirty.
Crawl back to bed.
Wait for the pain to subside.
Wake up at 9.
Moon is still out.
Rub my eyes.
Lost in the room.
Open a door.
Pill in my hand.
Swallow it down fast.
Eyes glazed over.
Pain still present.
Breathing increasing.
Heart beats faster.
Lay back in bed.
Sweat pouring down my face.
Look at the clock.
9:02.
Put the bowl to my lips.
Light it with fire.
Inhale deeply.
Close my eyes.
Tears drip down.
Exhale the smoke.
Wipe my face.
A new high.
Pill bottle falls from the bed.
Rattles as it falls.
Full of my numbness.
Comfortably numb.
Never understood what they meant.
Swallow another pill.
Can't get the damn pain to stop.
Voice in my head.
Saying stop.
Won't.
Looking in the mirror.
Seeing a ghost.
Pale.
Lifeless.
Me.
Taking my last breath.
Drifting off to sleep.
Dark secrets.
Dark rooms.
Dark life.
Never will I be the same.
Never will I wake up from the dream.
~Jamie

 

[E-girl]

you wrote something similar to this a few months ago, and it scared a lot of people: ] A Note, so i'm going to approach this cautiously and hope its fictitious....

Comfortably numb.
Never understood what they meant.
i just did another search because i could have sworn someone did a post on Pink Floyd's "Comfortably Numb" once, and it had a good discussion going, but i was unsuccessful in my search. but i think the point is, sometimes even pain can be more rewarding than numbness.
whatever is wrong in your life, not having life at all would be much worse. and you are an amazing person... i cant tell you that enough.
chin up sweetie. you'll get through this.
[ 24 June 2002: Message edited by: E-girl ]