Here I am back, more dumb then ever.

[darklane]

I'll keep this very short.
I managed to screw my college education(let's leave that behind) and now I have the opportunity to work(freelancing) and make some good cash, but I'm always finding myself doing something else. I start of the day saying ok I'll get it togheter this time, work for a few moments. complete a few tasks, then say screw it and start playing games or just going outside.
I don't know, I guess I need that feeling of someone pointing the gun at me and say work!
How do you keep yourselves motivated?
Anybody out there that was like me? I just feel plain retarded, I have the knowledge, I have the time, I have WHAT to work on, but I'm kicking it. What the hell is wrong?
This is like my only good and best option right now but yet I'm so out of it. Other people would give anything to be able to work and earn some money. But me? I need it, I can have it, but I don't do nothing.
Hey... mind as well start a thread, right?

P.S: If it means anything I struggled a lot with depression, anxiety and panic attacks. But now I pretty much took care of them over this past years and finally managed to escape from that black hole, accepted my faith that I failed college and staying depressed and anxious about will happen next won't help at all.

 

[edgewise1]

Hi darklane. Have you ever been diagnosed with ADD/ADHD? I ask this since it seems you have trouble keeping focused on the task at hand. How about growing up and elementary, middle, and high school, did you have trouble keeping focused on school work? Now I am no doctor and cannot even begin to say that you have this or that I have seen signs that were symptoms of ADD/ADHD, taught middle school for 30 years. Anyway was just curious when you mentioned that you had trouble keeping on task. You do not have to answer my questions either unless youcare comfortable doing so.

 

[darklane]

Of course, I would like to be as open as possible here. I've always struggled in school, and I never liked doing homework, I was always forced by my mother to do them. All my life I've keept schoolwork for the last second and had to be dragged into it. I've tought about this option( me having ADD) but I'm really, really trying to get my life togheter and live as drug-free as possible. I don't want to end up having a great ride with Aderall or who knows what medicine and then develop tolerance to it and increase the dossage, also I suffered from panic attacks and I don't want to get them back via "uppers", I'm really scared of the side effects of these pills. It's a two edge sword here.
And yes I have many of the symptoms, I get ill like and very bored and sleepy when I have to to something that I don't enjoy, my whole body is revolting against it.

Thank you for your interest!

 

[Maya]

What's keeping me motivated is the lack of money and the debt I have. If I don't bust my ass off I wont be able to pay my debt and I wont have money at all.

Maybe what you need to do is think of what you really want to do, your passion in life, something that would make you keep going, maybe there are other options you are really interested in doing?

 

[darklane]

What's keeping me motivated is the lack of money and the debt I have. If I don't bust my ass off I wont be able to pay my debt and I wont have money at all.

Maybe what you need to do is think of what you really want to do, your passion in life, something that would make you keep going, maybe there are other options you are really interested in doing?

This is currently my best option, I'm still young and looking for my place in this world, It's like I'm just starting to really wake up, my teenage years up until recently were nothing but drugs, partying and hanging out with friends that mostly do the same. - I was never really happy, but It was the only way I could feel happy and accepted. I was always that hopeless romantic looking for his second half, maybe I thought I can get it by doing those activities and getting out. Anyway all that is behind me, I've learned my lesson and I know that a better life for me would mean discipline and hard-work to achieve my goals.
Regarding my work, every person I worked for was amazed and really enjoyed what I had to offer, this in turn made me happy and I will try to cling onto that. I'm happy too when I see I can make another person happy. But I find myself constantly having to battle my way out of this "doing nothing" state. I'm really starting to hate on this, I'm my worst enemy.
And don't get me wrong, I'm really starting to learn how to love myself, accept my flaws and try to work with me, but I want it to happen faster, because It's all so logical and easy to see of what you have to do, yet so hard to get your whole mind synced to this. (Hope I made sense)

Another last edit- Maybe it's because of the stress back at home, knowing my family is not in the best financial condition, and me being a leech on them. Would probably sound like the best reason for now. I don't know... I need to "grow up" and I need to do it fast. I'm trying to get that spark back up, all these battles that I had with me, and not so good events in my life left me kind of drained, will never give up, but a fresh breath of air would be nice.. going off to sleep now, very happy that this board and great community is here.

 

[Maya]

^Its good that you know yourself, some people find it hard to accept themselves but it seems like you are mature enough to know what will work best for your situation.

Regarding the not doing anything state, it seems like you are getting fed up with it too, I believe that whatever habit we have in our lives, we will get tired of it specially if it is counter-productive. I know for sure that my drug abuse days are over so I am focusing on getting my life better and slowly achieving short term goals.

Like what you have said, you are your worst enemy so the only solution is you. If you get into that state where you are feeling like doing nothing again, think of something that will bring back the inspiration and then continue your task again.