I relate 100% to this, thank you. I have been dealing with life threatening illness for 5 years now, off and on. Modern medicine is useless at best, at worst they are complicit in causing more illness. The person that I was before I got sick... the trajectory was so promising, so much potential. It feels robbed from me now. I feel cursed. But like you, what's worse is that I feel erased. When you aren't well enough to explore life or engage in the activities that define you as a person, you become no one. I've taken that to a spiritual place, myself... but some days, when I'm feeling really attached, it's brutal. I alternate between being in pain to neutrality. It doesn't tend to go above baseline.
I feel left behind. The burgeoning friendship circles I was developing as I turned 30 have all but disappeared. Every time I tried to get back up and into the race, it never lasted. Everything requires health. If you don't have it, you can't maintain it... and people don't come to you. They do at first because they can't believe what's happening to you. Then as the years go by they accept that this is who you are now, the person who they can maybe see once in a while, and under restricted circumstances.
What humanity is doing to this planet and to each other is destroying human bodies. It has destroyed mine. A series of toxic events made me this way. Antibiotics, vaccines, and shitty, poisoned food grown by industry. I will never be the same. I feel crushed every day and have to live with that.
Like you, I don't even have the energy to cry. I'm also tired of crying alone. I've thought that maybe I should just end my life. No life seems more appealing than a meaningless, suffering life. I feel erased.