Helping someone get sober when you are still using

[J.Tweezy]

Ok so first off I was addicted to IV meth and heroin for over a year but got help went through treatment did the AA gig and im glad to say that Ivee been completely clean off all opiates and meth, and all drugs for that matter, for a little over a year but about a month ago I relapsed on alcohol and decided to start drinking again.

So my mom has developed a serious alcohol problem like drinking every night and just being passed out drunk all day on the weekends and she is clearly miserable but despite that she won't stop.

I've talked to her and she is always like well what about you and I try to tell her I'm different because it's not affecting my life. And I know im being very selfishly by not just quitting for her but I don't like being held hostage by her. I believe she needs to get help regardless of what I'm doing.

I had this exact problem with a friend a few years back cause I could tell he was just reckless with his use so I confronted him, stopped hooking him up, I just didn't want to enable him anymore but I felt very hypocritical when confronting him so I didn't push too hard and eventually just backed off altogether but unfortunately the dope got the better of him and he passed away.

So im not gonna let the same thing happen twice and most defintly not to my own mother, But does anyone have any experience with something like this? what can I say to her before something really bad happens?

 

[DooMMooD]

Honestly? You cant.

Every suggestion and piece of advice you offer is tainted by the fact that: YOURE STILL DRINKING TOO!

Youre 100% right: it is hypocritical, and usually people disregard hypocritical advice faster than any other advice. "How can HE tell ME to stop drinking when he still does?!"

Dont be throwing stones when your house is glass too my man...Plus, I'm 100% sure she feels the same exact way about you: that YOU need to get help regardless of whether she is.

Honestly man you cannot force the horse to drink, just show em the water. YOU on the other hand, DO have control over your own life. So worry about yourself getting clean. I know its your mom and its hard to write someone off like that, but the honest to god truth is that: you will not change her, you will not get her clean, and she will get YOU drinking again way before you get her sober.

Christ I tried for years to get my dad to stop drinking. You know what it took for him to stop? Liver cancer.

 

[i against i]

just because you're a hypocrite doesn't mean you're not right, your mum is just using that as an excuse to stay drinking, if you weren't drinking she'd have another excuse, that's what addicts do.

 

[DooMMooD]

100% right. You can be a hypocrite and still be right. But no one will listen to a lick of what you said.

Shit 9/10 times people throw away great advice anyway. When its coming from a hypocritical source? 999/1000 times.

My point is still valid because youre right: she will use ANY EXCUSE. Meaning you cannot change her, just like she cannot change you. Gotta want to change for YOURSELF, not for external reasons.

 

[footscrazy]

Honestly? You cant.

Every suggestion and piece of advice you offer is tainted by the fact that: YOURE STILL DRINKING TOO!

Youre 100% right: it is hypocritical, and usually people disregard hypocritical advice faster than any other advice. "How can HE tell ME to stop drinking when he still does?!"

Dont be throwing stones when your house is glass too my man...Plus, I'm 100% sure she feels the same exact way about you: that YOU need to get help regardless of whether she is.

Honestly man you cannot force the horse to drink, just show em the water. YOU on the other hand, DO have control over your own life. So worry about yourself getting clean. I know its your mom and its hard to write someone off like that, but the honest to god truth is that: you will not change her, you will not get her clean, and she will get YOU drinking again way before you get her sober.

Christ I tried for years to get my dad to stop drinking. You know what it took for him to stop? Liver cancer.

QFT.

Regardless of whether your intentions are good or not, I don't see you having any positive effect on your mother. If someone tried to tell me to quit what they were still using, I'd be pissed at what I saw was their arrogance (regardless if I knew deep down they were doing it because they cared).