Help?

[ViixenLy]

Hey. Well I really don't know where to start from.

Even though I really don't like talking about this.... I really have no other place to turn and have no one who actually understand. I've been having depression on and off since I was eleven. I'm now 18. When I was 12 I started cutting myself. Thought about killing myself several times but never could. I stopped around 13 but went into depression. Never showed it around my family or friends. Tried to be myself around them no matter what never wanted to worry them. Little did it start fading away.

I don't want to write a lot so I'll move on to this year.

On septmber I lost 21lbs in two weeks with the help of some all natural herb pills. I don't know if it was the pills that made me space out or what it was. But after that my birthday came up on Oct. I went to a rave and took 2 1/2 xtc pills. Everything was going great till two days later. I went into really bad depression, ended up getting paranoia, my anxiety was really bad, I was barely eating anything and didn't sleep much. The paranoia went away after a month. I noticed I'm always shaky though. I have suicidal thoughts and I'm starting to cut myself again. I get really sad and as much as I cry and try to let all the pain out... Everything seems to always come back. I feel like if I have no one and lost most of the time. I also have issues with my body, I know that for a fact. I don't feel like myself anymore. I don't know what to do anymore.

I left a lot out so you guys are welcome to ask me anything. I just wanted to get some advice... anything.

 

[cato9lives]

hey Viixen. have you tried St John's Wort ? for some people including me it's a great way to boost neurotransmitters back to more natural levels. ecstacy can cause a crash in neurotransmitters and if you had depression issues before you took it, the impact is that much greater.

if you try it, i've found that sealed liquid full-spectrum preparations are even better than the pills. also if i take it during the night (if you sleep at night) it works a lot better for me.

it's worth a shot !!! if it works for you, it's probably a far better way to go than pharmaceutical antidepressants, which can be extremely problematic.

 

[General AP Napoli]

I'm sorry to hear all this. It almost sounds as if the Ecstasy may have re-triggered your depression after causing a depletion in the neurotransmitter serotonin. Have you tried 5-HTP? It's the prescursor to Serotonin (5-HT, the neurotransmitter responsible for mood, appetite and has been linked to depression). Think about maybe giving that a shot, it's available at almost all drug stores. As for anxiety, I would suggest Valerian Root or Kava, as they both have a similar mechanism as pharmaceutical benzodiazepines (less addictive potential though).

If all else fails, maybe you should find someone to talk to, that doesn't necessarily have to be a psychiatrist or doctor. However it may be worthwhile to see a specialist. Beware of pharmaceutical anti-depressents, and make sure you make an informed decision IF you decide it could beneficial for your situation.

Also, do you work out or get out much? For me personally, I always feel much better mentally if I frequently make an effort to stay active through working out, hiking, sports, swimming, etc. I don't know how it works for you, but it's worth a shot to try something new. Good luck with everything.

 

[Legerity]

For me it's important to have people to talk to when I'm overwhelmed. Therapy has been great, but like a previous poster said, a friend or family member can be just as helpful if there is somebody that you feel comfortable opening up to.

We have to feel our pain, there's no way around that, but there are ways to make it more bearable. Just remember that your thoughts and feelings are just that - thoughts and feelings. They don't necessarily reflect the truth. Any kind of thought that puts yourself down is based on a false belief. We can't stop ourselves from thinking and feeling, but we can put these things in perspective and learn to experience them without judgment.

Do you use MDMA often? It may be best for you to avoid it if it makes your depression much worse.

Why do you feel lost? Do you not know what you want out of life? Some people never even question this and just do what they think they have to do. But feeling lost can be a good thing if it makes you examine who you want to be and what kind of life you want to live.

Hang in there

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I think stimulants are likely to cause anxiety for you, and you may not want to use them any longer.

Either way, I would focus on exercising, eating well, and looking into alternative ways to manage anxiety.

 

[ViixenLy]

No, I haven't tried St John's Wort. I never took ecstasy while being depressed or sad. I had been feeling great for the last couple of months. Happier than I had ever been.
Thank you. I'll try it for sure.

Yes, I've already tried 5-HTP. It doesn't help me out though, I still felt the same after taking it for a couple of days. I'll try that for my anxiety, thank you. I've actually had a couple people that I've talked to, but it always seems as if I confuse them or they just don't understand what I'm trying to tell them. I have been thinking about talking to a specialist. I'm just not sure of how I can get this to happen. Do I talk to my doctor first? I don't want my parents finding out about this either though. I don't want to worry them or anyone else around me. Yes, I exercise a lot. That's how I lost so much weight in two weeks. I would work out 2-3hrs a day and if I didn't think that was enough I would work out more till I was drained. I still work out but I try not to over do it like before. I go out with my friends & family.... its when I come back home that everything hits me back again and I'm sad all over again.

I have had a really deep convo with my sis about this, 3 weeks ago. I was telling her how I try and tried so hard to block so many things that have happened to me in the past. As much as I try, they're always still there. I'm ashamed of it and I feel as if it was my fault. No, I don't ecstasy often. Especially now. I try to avoid it because I know it wont make things any better for me. I just feel out of place. Like if I'm not meant to be here. For me the one thing I wanted the most was to just have a peaceful and happy life. I registered at a college on July and was excited nervous on my first day. Everything was going great till my break down. I wanted to give up and I kind of did. My goals, the main one of becoming a doctor, don't mean anything anymore. The things you said really got to me though, thank you.

I've tried meditation. Smoking weed helped me out on my anxiety but I don't want to be doing that everyday so I stopped after the 3rd day. I exercise 6-5 days a week. I always try to be in a good mood. But no matter what it is that I do, I always end up with an empty feeling inside me. The feeling right after someone gives you bad news and it just shatters your heart. That's how I feel.

Thank you all so much for taking your time and helping me out. I really appreciate it.

 

[Gormur]

Hey i PMed you

Peace