*Year Later Update*
I decided I should update this post. Reading my original post scares the shit out of me how close to death I truly was...
So a few days after I made this original post, I decided I was going to (quite foolishly) do an extremely rapid taper. I was doing roughly 60mg at a time, and usually up to 100mg a day. I sincerely wish I was bullshitting but I'm not. I had 100 1mg footballs to taper with. I started with 20mg the first day. I felt like garbage, but I am use to severe opiate withdrawal, so I tried to push through as best I could. It was bad, but wasn't too bad. The second day I took 10mg and felt worse than the prior day. Third day the same dose and syptoms. The fourth day is when the fun began. I took 10mg in the morning and went to work. I remember having the most disjointed thoughts to where it was impossible to perform at work. The best way I can describe it is if someone poured alkaseltzer all over my brain. It felt like my head was permanantly tuned into the "white noise/fuzzz" TV channel. I left work at around 12:00PM and had to take about an hour and a half of public transportation home. I was visably sweating through my shirt and to say I was uncomfortable would be the understatement of the year. I got home and just layed in bed. My anxiety was pulsing through my body to the point I felt I could charge my kitchen appliances if I was to touch them. I took 10mg more and it ever so slightly abated the symptoms. I was trying my best to relax and not freak out. I watched some TV and used the internet. At around midnight, Saving Private Ryan was on HBO. I watched the Normandy invasion scene and here is when the real psychological effects started taking over. I remember feeling as if I was right along with the soldiers on the beach, feeling such intense fear. It felt entirely real to me. If I remember correctly, I was out of my bed, pantomiming the motions of the soldiers. At this point I blackout.
The next thing I remember is waking up in an ambulance, having the EMT explain to me that I had a grand mal seizure. In addition to a huge cut I got on my head from when I fell, I also completely destroyed my tongue. When you have a seizure, you start biting your tongue aggressively as a defense mechanism so you don't swallow it. When I say "I bit my tongue," I mean I literally chewed my tongue as if it were a piece of steak I was eating. It was one of the most painful things I remember, because your tongue is obviously constantly rubbing up against your mouth and teeth. It took weeks to heal.
At the hospital, they ran all types of tests, EEGs, EKGs, CAT scans (Dog scans....Sopranos reference haha). During this time I was withdrawing from Suboxone as well. Being too scared (and stupid) to admit what it was from, the Dr.s attributed it to dehydration and lack of sleep from the suboxone withdrawal. I don't think I need to point out the obvious that I felt like absolute SHIT while in the hospital. I left after about 12 hours of being there. The following day while at home, I had another grand mal seizure. I then went on Kepra, which apparantly stopped the seizures.
There is TONS more to this story but unfortunately I have to run now. I wanted to post about some of the most vivid and realistic hallucinations I suffered for DAYS afterwards, along with the other horrible symptoms of withdrawing from both of these substances.
I will update either later tonight or tomorrow.
Wishing you all a good day.
