• The Dark Side 💕 Welcome Guest 💕
    Posting Rules Bluelight Rules
    Notable Threads Urgent Hotlines
    Bereavement Mindfulness
    Suicide Support Anger Management
  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

help please, shame n guilt is destroying me and everyone around me.

  • Thread starter Thread starter Ds
  • Start date Start date
Ds

Ds

Bluelight Crew
Joined
Apr 26, 2006
Messages
31,990
Location
God's Country
shame and guilt, the shits kept me on such a low level that i cant see anything other then how bad of a person i am. it's caused me to relapse countless number of times, and here lately i feel another relapse coming on because getting high is the only way i've been able to deal with shame and guilt.
recently, i partyed hard with a friend of mine who i met in one of my prior rehab attempts, the guy let me in his home and offered to let me stay with him. he also paid for everything that night(drugs,women etc). the next morning i went to the libary and got on facebook and sent him a msg askin if we were going to party saturday night, he acted kind of clueless to what i was talking about at first and i figured it could have been the xanax? anyways long story short i pretty much went into detail on what we did that night, from how many chicks were with us, to the amount of drugs, # of cases of beer. well it ended up being his GIRLFRIEND who wasn't with us friday night, she 'thanked me' for talking with her and told my friend to check his facebook messages when he gets online. so i panicked, i just told my friends girlfriend everything we did and now dudes life is about to change.
i talked to him about 30mins ago and he's in pretty rough shape.. he told me that he wasn't mad but worried about me because of the way i panicked and had to get away which im always good at running away from shit. he lost his job because his girlfriend told his employers that he was on drugs, and lost his girlfriend. told me that he has $4 to his name.
i'm taking this pretty hard because i feel responsible for fucking his life up. i asked if there was anything i could do, like explain that it was me that came over with the chicks and drugs but he said that wouldnt change much. now i have this shit eating at me, cant stop thinking about it. i get paid sometime today, and have a feeling that i'm going to go buy some dope. I don't know what to do besides get high, and the only drug i can find atm is ice and im not a stimulants kind of guy. i really don't want to use, but dont know how to stop feeling so bad of what i've done.
anyone have any experience,strength and hope they could share? i could really use some feedback.
 
well it's not your fault; you didn't know it was his GF you were talking to. You also didn't force him to fuck around on his girlfriend. That's on him. Don't beat yourself up over this, it really is not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong, how were you supposed to know it was his girlfriend? Either way, if you want to feel better maybe lend your friend some money or give him a place to stay until he gets his shit figured out.

instead of getting high, let go of all this guilt, you don't want to get high and feel guilty anyway, that makes for a terrible high. You can't control other people or their reactions, but you can control how you react. Just get through today and the cravings should subside and the intense feelings you are having will lessen. I have lots of experience feeling guilt, really, you just have to let go, you feeling guilty isn't helping anyone and is in fact just bringing you down. So from a reasonable standpoint, there's no use in feeling guilty. If you deal with shame and guilt from other things then you still need to take the same approach and let go because feeling this guilt and shame is not helping you or anyone else. good luck.
 
^ Nice one.. I know all about feeling guilty, if self beating was an olympic sport, I'd take the prize. But I think it's very important to weigh it up. Can you change what's happened? If anything, your story highlights a decent person. Plenty of people just wouldn't give a shit. Guilt and worry SUCK
 
RobotRipping said:
well it's not your fault; you didn't know it was his GF you were talking to. You also didn't force him to fuck around on his girlfriend. That's on him. Don't beat yourself up over this, it really is not your fault. You didn't do anything wrong, how were you supposed to know it was his girlfriend? Either way, if you want to feel better maybe lend your friend some money or give him a place to stay until he gets his shit figured out.

instead of getting high, let go of all this guilt, you don't want to get high and feel guilty anyway, that makes for a terrible high. You can't control other people or their reactions, but you can control how you react. Just get through today and the cravings should subside and the intense feelings you are having will lessen. I have lots of experience feeling guilt, really, you just have to let go, you feeling guilty isn't helping anyone and is in fact just bringing you down. So from a reasonable standpoint, there's no use in feeling guilty. If you deal with shame and guilt from other things then you still need to take the same approach and let go because feeling this guilt and shame is not helping you or anyone else. good luck.
Click to expand...

wow, that hits the nail on the head. i really needed to hear that. i'm feeling a little better since this morning as far as the emotions go. still feel a little shaky about the urges to use, they come and go. some are alot stronger then others, and they've subdued for now, but the slighthest thought or idea will bring them out again. Hurts knowing that i cant go to my family for help because my past has kept me away from them today, and thats where alot of the guilt and shame comes into play. i'm on my own now, having to support myself anyway possible. been living in shelters, and my car for the past 2 weeks, and with all the stress involved with that + whats going on today is making it harder to deal with lifes shit. i'm unhappy of where my life is right now, and all i see is the negatives and worries. like getting my own place will cost up to $1000, i just dont that kind of money, and the job that i do have is construction so if it rains then i'm out of work for the day, or week, and it isnt like promising day to day work. letting go of guilt is hard because i have no other way of doing it then besides talking about it, and talking about how bad of a person i was effects the shame feelings, and the shame feelings knock around my emotions, so its all a circle until i can somehow think of positive things that are going in my life, which its not going as planned.
going through some tought times right now, and this shame and guilt of what i've done yesterday is messing up my today. want this to all be over, but its so hard to let go of alot of the shit i've done.
 
yeah i can definitely relate. I've had lots of guilt from the past, lots of bad memories from childhood, lots of fuck ups by myself later on. The past is the past though, there's nothing you can do to change it. You can change how you feel about it. Every mistake played a part in defining who you are today.

The feelings of remorse, shame or guilt are all big indications that you are a good person and you have to remember that. It's okay if you fucked up in the past, it's all about how you learn from it and change for the better. I can promise that if you let go of the past it will greatly improve your future. All of those feelings are holding you down, stopping you from becoming what you want to be. Once you deal with these feelings you will feel free.

Your feelings of guilt and shame are set up so that they reinforce each other and because of this they will keep you down and make you feel more of the same. I don't know why this happens but it's the same for me. I got out of it by finally doing the very uncomfortable thing of challenging the ideas and feelings behind it all. You don't need to punish yourself any more, i'm sure you've dealt with enough pain. I know this is all really difficult, i could only do it through therapy.

The best way to get rid of the guilt is to express it, confront it, question why you feel guilty, realize that you've changed, that things are different and finally let it go, picture it leaving your body. It will probably be painful to just think about the past but it's part of the healing process.

I was in the same position a few months ago and just had a big break down, went to therapy, started changing small things in my life one at a time and finally things are getting better. I was overwhelmed by all the obstacles, which were very similar to yours, but you can break it down into manageable parts and slowly work towards your goals. I found some cheap place for therapy and it only cost me $25 per session, i'm not sure i could have done it without help but a lot of my progress stemmed from self-reflection.
 
How is getting someone fired from their job at all productive?

I will never understand the connection people in the US have with their place of employment, and what they put into their bodies in their free time. I've yet to meet an employer who cared about how I spent my weekends.
 
Cyc said:
How is getting someone fired from their job at all productive?

I will never understand the connection people in the US have with their place of employment, and what they put into their bodies in their free time. I've yet to meet an employer who cared about how I spent my weekends.
Click to expand...

Welcome to the Drug Free Workplace.
 
The stereotypical drug user is more likely to steal from the company, fall asleep on the job, show up to work intoxicated, etc.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Top