Help please, friends..

[Ashley]

So, I think I'm going crazy. 3 and a half weeks ago, I went into detox for 7 days for court, gave my fiance of 6 years my phone and wallet and off I went. She went to the city to stay with a friend (ice dealer) I had met a couple times through another friend. I called her the day before I got out of detox and she sounded weird. Said I would call her in the morning when I got out. So I tried to call like I said, and it rang out. Proceeded to ring out for a couple days and has been switched off since. The number for the guy she is staying with is also switched off. So, I haven't heard from her in 3 and a half weeks, this is about the longest we've been apart since we fell in love 6 years ago. I've got no way of contacting her and don't know where the guy lives, so I contacted the friend that introduced us, she tells me "you do know that her and S are together don't you? Well, have been anyway ?". Now, this is extremely unusual behavior my girl, she's never cheated on me and the person that I know (or thought I knew) would never do that to me. And she would know that I would be worried sick about her. What, has she fallen in love with this guy?? We were an extremely close couple..

Come to think of it, I did get a bad feeling like something was wrong, a couple days into detox. This feeling has stuck around.

Help? Anyone?

I'm am seriously considering suicide.

 

[plexx92]

Well suicide is obviously not an option. My advice to you is to start finding somewhere to live for a bit while you try to figure out what is going on with your fiance. Perhaps your friends house or your parents.

 

[shezinphx]

It sounds like your fiance is not in her right mind. She is making clouded decisions because of her drug use. The best thing for you to do right now is to find help from a family member. For now, focus on yourself and be proud that you were able to get through detox. That is a huge success and not easy at all. Once your fiance realizes what she is actually doing she will more than likely come around but there is nothing that you can do about it in the mean time. I know that doesn't help much but you have to understand that all these feelings will eventually get easier to deal with as you progress with sobriety. For now though, surround yourself by people who love and care about you if you can and stay away from the drugs. Good luck!

 

[herbavore]

Having someone leave you with no explanation is devastating under any circumstances but just when you are getting out of detox? That is really harsh! I would agree with the poster that said she is probably not in her right mind (she is acting from her addiction) but this still doesn't change the situation for you. You need support now that you are out of detox and having to deal with this emotional neutron bomb on your own. Do you have any group support? Meetings or sober friends? Family? I am worried both for your sobriety and your life.

I would strongly recommend getting involved with other people who are getting sober. Hopefully the shared experience will take you to a deep place quickly so that you do not feel so alone. We are certainly here for you here on TDS so keep posting. You are welcome to PM me or any other mod anytime if you want more support. Hang in there---life always changes; it's death that doesn't.

 

[Ashley]

I'm not so much concerned about detox at this point, I mean I used 3 days after I got out when I got paid. It was inevitable that I was gonna have a shot, considering the stress of not being able to contact Jessie. Thanks for the support guys, I really needed it - I've just been brooding, trying to pass the hours just waiting for the phone to ring. I just can't get my head around the fact that the person who I thought I knew inside and out could/would actually do that to me - especially considering her stance on loyalty, trust, cheating in relationships (i.e. she doesn't believe that "accidents" happen, rather it is a series of choices that lead to making a "mistake"). It just doesn't fit, though at this point I fail to see a logical explanation that would make it all okay.

We always discussed that if something like this happened, like if either one of us fell in love or felt something for someone else we would be upfront and honest with each other before pursuing anything with somebody else. Thank fuck that I got one of my Xanax prescriptions on Monday night, though the doctor only gave me 25 x 2mg alprazolam, instead of my usual 50 x 2mg x 1 repeat. They've really helped to calm me down as my anxiety was manifesting itself physically in a major way - and I'm due to collect my fortnightly Valium and Serepax (oxazepam) in a few days, as I've already nearly blown through all of the Xanax already. Now that I'm no longer addicted to benzos, I'm actually getting decent relief from 4-6mg of alprazolam as opposed to needing 40mg+ to get well.

I guess all I can do is just wait, and try to accomplish some things like getting a car, finding a new place to live that isn't my parent's house (I just *cannot* live here for any significant length of time). I don't have any friends or any type of support network and my mother and father have absolutely no useful advice to contribute. I confided in a fellow BL'er that I meant for the first time, she was/is my only and best friend and I'm hers, just in the last few days - felt guilty for venting so much, but he was very lovely about it all and said as much as can be said, all things considered. He suggested I visit the friend that introduced us and try to find out how she came to know about this alleged cheating and if she can somehow put me in touch with S or provide his address or some such.

Thanks again guys, you're all beautiful people. Your responses have given me hope, for the first time since we fell out of contact. shezinphx, I think you're right that the drugs could very likely be responsible for her not being in her right mind. She suffers from PTSD, anxiety, agoraphobia and the excessive amounts of methamphetamine and benzodiazepines she takes can send her a little loopy. But she's not promiscuous, we've never cheated on each other. This guy doesn't even strike me as being her type (certainly not physically).

I just hope it all works out fine in the end and I've worked myself up into a tizzy unnecessarily.

Any other wise words of wisdom?

Ash.

 

[Ashley]

Bump.

Still haven't heard anything..

 

[podsnomo]

She's obviously not in her right mind. Don't take it personally. I know, that's like telling a man in a well to just sit tight.

But seriously, if she's on that ice, she's not herself. And you have to know that you are powerless over that situation. If you hear from her, IF, don't delude yourself into thinking anything you say can help her. That'll only make it worse if she continues this fucked up behavior. On the other hand, if she comes to her senses and wants you back, remember that you were and still are powerless in this deal. It sucks ass, and is hard to hear, but it's true my friend.

Ask yourself now, and prepare yourself mentally/spiritually for what might happen when/if you hear from her. And don't freak yourself out, but she's playing with fire, and there's a chance she won't survive this episode of insanity.

Focus on you. You are a wonderful, whole, beautiful person with WAY TOO MUCH good to give to the world to even consider offing yourself over this or anything else. And you certainly deserve better than to be treated this way be her. Thing is though, it's not really her treating you this way, it's her disease treating you this way.

I say all this full-well knowing it wouldn't have gotten through to me when I was all fucked up over this woman or that one. But my deep hope for you is that you hear our messages of support, care and love, and focus on healing yourself from your habit(s) and from her.

To me, IMHO, there is a bit too much wreckage here to consider continuing to be with her. In the end, as totally fucking devastating as it is, you may have to love yourself and her enough to recognize that this relationship has to end. I won't go into it, but that's kind of where I am now.

Just hang ass on brother, and it WILL get better.

Let us know how YOU are doing today, whether you hear from her or not.

All of us are in your corner brother.

Love and peace,
podsnomo