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Help! Need advice.

A

abdd1

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 19, 2013
Messages
8
My 19 year old son is addicted to heroin. I'll try to give you the abbreviated version of his story. He was always a gifted athlete and had a really good group of friends. After he got his drivers license I started noticing small changes. His circle of friends grew, but he was still doing okay in sports and school. The summer before his senior year he started spending less time with his "old" friends and more time with "new" friends. He also became quite thin. When I asked him about it, he said it was because he was skateboarding a lot. I started to suspect drug use. By the end of the summer he finally admitted to trying Heroin a few times. (IV)

I took him out of his school and moved him two hours away to finish high school, which he agreed to. We had many talks during that time about the devastation of Heroin use. Fast forward two years. He's living with two friends who are NOT drug users and has a full time job. He's distant with family members, looks extremely thin and has nothing to show for his 12 hour work days. About a month ago he called me in the middle of the night with severe stomach pains and asked me to meet him at the ER. By the time I got there they'd already given him IV Narcotics. He denied any drug use. They wrote him a script for pain meds and he was on his way. A week later his boss called me and said that he was extremely sick at work. He had been throwing up most of the week, and could keep even water down. I picked him up and on the way to the doctor asked him if he needed rehab. He FREAKED OUT. He told me I was crazy. At the doctor he refused any kind of testing, wouldn't allow me into the room with him and basically wasted our time. It was at that moment that I KNEW FOR A FACT he had a serious problem and that he was going through a bad withdraw. I dropped him off at home, knowing that as soon as I dropped him off he'd get a fix so he could feel better. My last words were, "If you need me, I'm here. I love you. I just want you to be healthy and happy." A few days later he texted me that he wanted to go to the doctor. He admitted to her heroin use.

He's now on Suboxone and says he's feeling great and is done with heroin. I know that lying is all part of the game, but I want desperately to believe that he's going to stay on the suboxone for a while and then taper down the dose to a point he can get off of that eventually.

I fear that this is going to destroy him, and me..... and become years of agony for all of us who love him so much.

I don't know what to do, or how to be. when I ask him how he's doing he seems frustrated and says that he doesn't want to be treated like "some junkie drug addict", which isn't what I'm doing. If he had cancer I'd ask him how he's doing and if he's feeling okay, why should this be any different? I'm naturally a very loving and caring person. It's important to me that he knows that I care. (I don't enable him. We don't give him money and he has never stole anything.)

I just need to know how to best love, support, and encourage my sons recovery.

Also, I know that suboxone has helped many, but can it be used to be a functional addict? Get a person through the work week so they can use on the weekend?

Any advice would be tremendously appreciated.
 
Hey abdd1<3 welcome to Blue Light=D.. Dealing with the addiction of a loved one is so difficult. Here is a link to a thread that you may want to check out and participate in. >Thread: Support For Those Affected by the Addiction of Others<

Yes people can use suboxone during the week and then attempt to use heroin on the weekends.. this isn't really the easiest or most comfortable thing to pull off as buprenorphine has a much higher affinity for the opiat receptors so it will not allow the morphine that the heroin rapidly changes into once consumed to interact with the opiat receptors it is attached to. Also buprenorphine has a really long half life so it will take a long time for it to clear off of enough of the receptors to allow for any substantial "high" coming from the full antagonist of the morphine. So even if he does attempt to use on the weekends it will probably prove to be expensive and the effects significantly reduced. The continued presence of the buprenorphine in his system during any attempts at weekend use could also also provide a higher degree of safety for your son. But On this last thought I would like to hear others opinions as this is just a theory and as I never weekend warrior it and tried to juggle bupe and heroin so I have no first hand experience with this.

The troubles with weekend use will continue come the end of the weekend as because buprenorphine is only a partial antagonist, but has that high affinity for the receptor that will now be filled with a full antagonist, someone who wishes to switch back to the suboxone after using H will have to wait until they are in decent withdrawal. because if the simply take the suboxone while the receptor is filled with the morphine then it will knock off the full antagonist, but because it is replaced with a partial antagonist it will cause pretty severe withdrawal. So all of this complicates the ability to use comfortable on the weekends.

A much more common way that people flip flop back and forth is to use for periods where they are able to afford the heroin.. sometimes selling or trading the suboxone to help with the heroin price tag.. and then making the somewhat uncomfortable switch back to the subs when life or finances dictate.

The reason he likely get irritated when you question him is because he still carries shame or guilt from his drug addiction and hasn't chosen to put in the effort to heal from the wounds he caries as a result of the addiction.

Suboxone is a good start.. but your son should develop and begin to live a life of recovery.

There are a few mothers that are going through the same thing you are that are newer Blue Light members.. and there are Blue light staffers<3 that will be intimately familiar with your situation. I encourage you guys, because of this shared bond, to look to each other for strength, support, hope. In doing this on a public board that is frequented by millions of people every month you are never aware of how many people besides yourselves you are helping. And given a little time I think a nice sub community of Blue Light recovery could grow so if anyone is lurking and struggling with a family member's addiction I would suggest signing up and join in the good fight to do all that we can to make all our lives better;)
 
Thank you so much, neversickanymore! I appreciate you taking the time to reply. I feel so much less alone today than I did yesterday. <3
 
Im going through the same thing. I think im a little farther along. My son has been addicted for a couple of years now. He went to rehab (at my insistance) and all was great for a month or two. He has worn out all his friends and family. Up until wednesday of last week he was not caring about anything and using heavily again. I was advised by some very nice people on bluelight to have a talk with him. Which I did and it turned out to be very good. He agreed to see a doctor for suboxone. Saturday night and last night I sat with him through his withdrawl (very exhausting and scary) I never ever want to see this again. Today he went to the doctor and got his suboxone. The doctor will only give him 4 days worth of meds. He then has to come in and be tested for opiates, if he has not used he gets the next 4 days of meds. This way he cant sell them and use heroin. Its a little expensive but I think doing it this way, I am not enabling him as iam have to pay for the suboxone. I think instead of doing the cold turkey with no meds was not good for him. Im hoping with the suboxone he can stay clean, as this is at least a year long program he will be on. After witnessing his withdrawls, I have learned what a powerful drug heroin is. Not just phsically, the mental part was much worse and scary. He was a monster! We were only 2 days into it. The doctor told me days 4 through 7 are much worse. Im keeping my fingers crossed and hoping for the best. Ive reassured my son that I love him unconditionally and will be here for at any and every time. I strongly believe thats all you can do, they have to want the help.
 
I'm wishing you and your son the best, bb! I'm here if you need me. ((hug))
 
Same to you abdd1, its hard to see your child, no matter how old going through this. It goes against every parental instinct I have not to yell, threaten, etc. But I found just talking, asking questions and trying to understand him, brings us closer and working together to hopefully see a good ending to his addiction. My son has had three friends in the last years or so who have died from heroin overdose. Its a very real and scary thought, but it can happen to anyone. So love love love!!!!!!!
 
abdd1 and bbcorona--my heart goes out to both of you and all the other members of your families.

bbcorona, your advice about staying calm and asking rather than telling is such good advice. It is hard when you yourself are panicking inside. My son and I went through a lot of fighting about his drug use in the beginning, lots of see-sawing between enabling and so-called 'tough love' and finally, and thankfully, we settled into a kind of peace in the midst of hell. I realized how desperate and horrible he felt and knew that my desperation could only add to his. That was the turning point for me. After that, I was able to see that taking care of myself helped my son as well. He needed me to not be drawn into the craziness, to be 'mom'.

My son did not make it through his addiction. The stakes really are that high, the danger that real. I wish that there were something that I could say I had learned that would prevent this outcome from happening to anyone else but there is no easy or sure way. Addiction is complex and always plays out the same; but the underlying conditions are as unique as each person.I think that by the time full-fledged addiction is happening we focus on the drugs rather than what the feelings are that led to the need.
 
Im sorry about your son, I wake up almost every day wondering. When he does answer his phone for hours on end, my first thought is he is dead..... I hate it........I hate heroin.......... im hoping that from now on those are just memories. This morning my son called me to tell me, today is day 4 with no heroin, hes on suboxone, but what a complete different person!!!!!!!!! I tell myself " take the good while its here and run with it!!!" But I have a fear the bad can come back in a blink of the eye. So im just going to talk, be his friend, be his mom and love him for what he is..........
 
Herbavore, No words can describe how sorry I am that your son did not make it through his addiction. I can't imagine the pain of losing a child, yet I know it's a very real possibility for my son if he doesn't take getting clean seriously. You are an incredible person to be here caring so much for others who are struggling. If I could reach through this screen and hug you, I most certainly would. Every night I dream of finding my son dead with a needle in his arm. I wake up with a knot in my stomach and try to settle myself enough to get back to sleep. Worried sick has never been as real or intense for me as it is now.

bb, you have a very good outlook and approach. I will be thinking of you and wishing your son continued success in his recovery. <3
 
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